Shadow of Doubt
by peppermint quartz
Summary: The pain we feel now is the happiness we had before. Two lonely souls try to find their own ways. Rating has gone up to M. Bleach is not mine.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Bleach is not mine.**

**Kerumica said it's sad that Byakuya has no partner (re: _Random Acts of Bleachness, chapter 115 Correspondence to Nowhere_) and that very night, I had this dream/thought.**

**Set after the events of _Not About _You and _HappyUnhappy._**

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

**Shadow of Doubt**

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Kira bowed his head and stepped out of the office silently. Like a ghost he passed from hall to hall, avoiding eye contact with everyone until he reached the third division's office.

It was still empty. Kurosaki Isshin was probably out gallivanting with Kyoraku Shunsui. Kira sighed and sat down at his desk. It used to face the opposite wall, with a window behind his seat; now it was fronted by a shoji screen and the window was on his left. It was deliberately shifted so that Kira would stop remembering how it felt to be startled by a pair of cool hands about his eyes, and how good it felt to be kissed on the back of his neck just when he was the most exhausted. Even now – though he would be ashamed to admit to anyone – he half-expected Ichimaru Gin to walk in through the door, or step around the screen to plant himself in the chair opposite Kira.

The door banged open and Kira jerked straight, half-guilty that he hoped it was Gin. Gin who was dead and buried, just outside Seireitei, next to his beloved Aizen-taichou. Most shinigami had wanted to dismember the corpses, but Ukitake-soutaichou had put his foot down and allowed Kira to give them a proper burial.

That was why Kira avoided eye contact with most shinigami these days: that last act of devotion had not garnered him any fans.

Isshin bounded around the shoji screen. "Kira-kun!"

"Taichou," Kira nodded and pointed to the new stack of forms, "courtesy of the soutaichou."

"Ah darn, I was hoping to have some free time this afternoon," sighed Isshin dramatically. Though his voice and gestures were loud, he was never anything but kind to Kira. Some part of the blond resented it, but he understood that it was the captain's way of protecting and sheltering him. "Jyuu-chan must be fed up with our jaunts... and that he can't join us."

Kira flashed a quick smile. "Perhaps. He did say to inform you that, uh, 'tell that old man to do his job and act his age. His _shinigami _age.' He wasn't smiling either."

"Ah." Isshin puffed his cheeks out. "Guess our ploy to introduce him to yet another woman has failed."

"I don't want to know," said the lieutenant, holding up both hands palms out. He was remarkably comfortable with Isshin. Much like he was with Shuuhei, and when he was with Renji back in their Academy days. Occasionally Kira would yearn for simpler times.

Isshin stroked his bearded chin. "In that case, pass the two folders to Byakuya, will you? They're for archiving."

"Yes taichou."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kuchiki Byakuya was alone in his office. Abarai Renji was now the captain of the fifth, and a well-deserved promotion it was. Byakuya had yet to locate a suitable replacement.

There was a polite knock on the door.

"Come in." The noble put down his pen. It was finally introduced to Seireitei – so much easier to use than a brush.

Kira walked in and bowed. "Good afternoon, Kuchiki-taichou. These are from Kurosaki-taichou, for archiving purposes."

"Thank you." Byakuya dismissed the blond lieutenant quickly.

It was almost disconcerting how the younger shinigami never looked up and met his eyes, but Kira had always shied behind something for as long as Byakuya was aware of his existence. First Abarai, then Ichimaru – Byakuya could not help the slight tensing of his eyebrow – followed by Madarame Ikkaku, the new Eleventh Division captain, and now Kurosaki Isshin. He wondered if Kira would ever be able to face the world by himself.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The official investiture of Abarai Renji was held a day later than expected. Ukitake-soutaichou had been stricken with a serious bout of his illness and thus delayed proceedings for one day.

"It's different, I suppose," Renji said after the short ceremony. "I mean, I sit in his chair and wonder if he had been plotting while sitting in the same chair. It is rather surreal."

Kira was glad that Renji was more animated than usual. Shuuhei's patience was good for the redhead. "I believe you have a promotion allowance to change the furniture."

"I do," said Renji and he cast a glance at his partner. Hisagi Shuuhei, captain of the Ninth, was chatting with Ikkaku. "He hasn't time."

The slim lieutenant looked over and his jaw tightened when he noticed Ikkaku. The bald-pated shinigami seemed to feel the scrutiny and turned to face Kira. Neither said anything, but Madarame Ikkaku marched off after he bade Shuuhei good day.

Kira unclenched his jaw. It was still too early to make any amends, and frankly he had no wish to. Kira loved Ichimaru, had always done, and probably always would. Ikkaku didn't want to live with that over his head. That was his problem, not Kira's.

It could be that he felt the tension; Shuuhei hurried over to Renji and Kira. "Hey guys."

"Hey," answered Kira, trying out a smile. It felt natural enough.

Renji didn't say anything, but those skilled in reiatsu manipulation (i.e. pretty much everyone in the room) knew when the redhead's reiatsu melded with Shuuhei's. They probably didn't mean to be that obvious about it. No one begrudged them that though: Abarai Renji's brush with self-destruction had worried all but the hardest of hearts. It had been Shuuhei's immense dedication and love that slowly brought Renji out of his shell, but the red-haired shinigami was not the same man he was before.

Something in him died when Rukia did, and not even Shuuhei could piece Renji's heart whole. Nothing could.

Kira knew the feeling intimately.

Shuuhei tilted his head. "Renji, you wanna get something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"I'm not cooking later though," said Shuuhei, one paler hand on Renji's bicep. The two young captains exchanged a glance of mutual amused understanding.

Suddenly Kira felt like an intruder. He smiled at them both and said, "I see my captain. I better talk to him before he leaves me with today's paperwork."

"See you around, Kira," said Shuuhei with a small grin. Renji only half-smiled, and then returned his attention to his lover.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

There were too many people milling around, Byakuya thought as he stood near a pillar watching the crowd. The pillar was dark and the swathes of fabric that decorated the hall were white; Byakuya was almost perfectly camouflaged.

In truth there were not many people, just the captains and their lieutenants. Madarame of the Eleventh appeared rather lost and alone. Back when Zaraki was still captain, there had been the ever-perky Yachiru. Byakuya remembered that Madarame had yet to select a lieutenant too. Ukitake had retired to his seat and Kyoraku was with him. A quick scan located Ise Nanao speaking with Unohana-taichou and Kotetsu. Sasakibe was conversing with Soifon and Yoruichi; Byakuya shifted to the other side of the pillar before the dark-skinned female decided to 'accompany' him.

Isshin hurried past him, evidently to avoid a persistent young blond who was headed his way. Byakuya caught sight of Renji's crimson mane on the opposite side of the room and noticed the way the redheaded captain's reiatsu was joined to Shuuhei's.

It was no good going over to them now.

Byakuya could see the two talk. Shuuhei had a hand on Renji's right arm. Renji had lowered his head and listened to the dark-haired shinigami; Shuuhei wore a small smile and elbowed Renji with affection when the redhead commented.

Something in Byakuya hurt. He wasn't sure what.

The noble swiveled around, ready to return to his mansion, when he collided with Kira.

"I'm sorry," said the lieutenant immediately, bowing in apology.

Byakuya shook his head and stepped aside. "The fault was mine."

As they separated Kira saw that Isshin had made his way out the door. "He's fled," the blond muttered.

"Kurosaki-san?"

"Yes, Kuchiki-taichou," said Kira with a fleeting smile. "He's trying to avoid signing the mountain of documents that I have prepared for him."

Byakuya raised an eyebrow. "Kyoraku-san is a bad example for him."

"I am unable to say that," replied Kira, though amusement danced in his eyes. "The forms do need his initials though."

"If I am not mistaken," said Byakuya, "one of the more pressing documents is for the Finance sector, regarding a raise for all senior officers. I believe that knowledge might assist."

Kira smiled more broadly this time. "Thank you, Kuchiki-taichou. That is indeed important information that enriches my knowledge."

"Knowledge is power, after all."

"Indeed."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

It was a cloudy, dull afternoon. Kurosaki Isshin stomped his way into the sixth division.

Kuchiki Byakuya looked up. "Good afternoon."

"Did you tell my subordinate how to get me to work?" demanded the bearded shinigami, huffing with indignant annoyance.

"I merely provided him with relevant information," answered the raven-haired noble.

"He made me sit and sign folders and papers for three hours," complained Isshin, "until we got to the last one, which was the one about the raise."

Byakuya almost smiled. "Oh? Then you must have really let things pile up a little too much, Kurosaki-san."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

If Kira had a fault, it was how effortlessly he separated his emotions from his work.

He had had a lot of practice working under Ichimaru Gin.

When the blond lieutenant strode into the Eleventh Division's office, Madarame Ikkaku was preparing his hangover for the day. Bottles littered the top of his once-immaculate desk.

"I thought we broke you out of the drinking habit," Kira said, eying the empty receptacles with distaste. "This isn't how to deal with problems."

"I thought you're here to give me reports, _fukutaichou_," countered Ikkaku. It was a low blow, and he knew it.

Kira's blue eyes met his gaze straight on. "I thought you had better sense than this, _taichou_."

"You can't dictate what I want to do or not to do, Kira." Ikkaku sat up, with some difficulty. "We're not 'us' anymore. You chose the memory of a mass murdering psychopath over me, so you have no right to rebuke anything I do."

The lieutenant's left eyelid twitched. "We used to be friends."

"We ain't friends now."

"No we're not." Kira was surprised by his own sharp tone. "But I am sure I have no intention of watching you drink to death or demotion." He walked up and swept all the bottles to the floor. All smashed; some which still had liquid in them scattered their contents over the pristine floor.

Ikkaku pushed himself to his feet.

Kira glared at him.

The scent of the spilled wine rose, an intoxicating fragrance that did nothing to soften the frozen tableau between the two men.

Ikkaku's lip curled. "Get out."

The blond stared at his ex-lover, then swept out of the room without a backward glance. Though the door was only a screen door, Kira slammed it as hard as he could until the wood splintered.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx


	2. Chapter 2

"I heard you threw a temper tantrum at Madarame-taichou's," Byakuya said by way of greeting.

"Kuchiki-taichou." Kira looked up from shredding weeds for the fourth division. "Yes, I did."

Byakuya found a stool that appeared to be relatively clean. He hooked it over and sat down. "Is that why you are here preparing compost for the fourth division greenhouses?"

"I am always here on my days off, Kuchiki-taichou," Kira answered. He breathed out slowly. "The smell of greens and earth calms me down." He put aside the compost material and picked up a shovel. "I have to re-pot some plants. It's not going to be pretty. Dirt, earth, the occasional snail. You might want to step away."

Byakuya did not reply other than with a small smile, but watched the blond lieutenant hard at work. Finally he spoke, "I came by because Unohana-taichou said I could benefit from a spell in the gardens. I see what she meant."

"Kuchiki-taichou, I have no idea what you are referring to," said Kira. He wiped a grimy hand across his brow, leaving a dark streak on his face. "This isn't exactly the most relaxing view in the world."

"No it isn't," Byakuya agreed. "It's the back of a small, smelly woodshed. The ground is littered with leaf and grass cuttings. Pots are stacked next to potting soil, there are, as you said, snails and I see a couple of slugs as well-"

"Where?"

"-but this has been one of the quieter moments I have ever experienced in my life," the captain finished. "Thank you very much."

Kira stared at Kuchiki Byakuya. "Kuchiki-taichou..."

"Yes?"

"Where are the slugs?"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira was exhausted but satisfied. He always felt better after a day in the Fourth. It had been Gin's idea that Kira took up a post in the healers' division before applying to other places. Kira had not liked the suggestion at first, but now he was glad he still had that small sanctuary.

It was perhaps good that he was feeling happy, because Madarame Ikkaku was waiting in front of his room. "Izuru."

"Madarame-taichou," said Kira politely. "It's late. May I inquire why you are here?"

"I want to talk to you. Can we go inside?"

The blond considered briefly, then nodded. "Please."

Ikkaku settled himself on the floor. He waited until Kira sat down before he spoke. As always, he went for the throat. "What went wrong between us, Izuru?"

_Where to start?_ Kira pushed a warm cup of tea across the low table. "I don't know, Ikkaku. I wish I did."

"I want to put things right," said Ikkaku, reaching across to take Kira's hand. His thick fingers stroked the sensitive skin on the back of the lieutenant's hand. "I miss you."

The simple gesture recalled many other memories and Kira gazed longingly at the large, tanned hand over his own. Ikkaku was rough and unrefined, direct and uncomplicated, almost the exact opposite of Gin, but he cared deeply for Kira. The blond shinigami found a smile for his former lover.

"I miss you too," he admitted, his voice cracking slightly. "But I cannot change what I said."

"Izuru," Ikkaku began, a small shake of his bald head, "I can't pretend that I don't mind. I do. I hate that ba – I hate that fella. I hate that he has your heart even now, even after he's dead. But he... he is dead. And I don't wish to be – to be that petty, that small, as to feel jealous of a dead person. I love you. My love for you is far more than the hatred I feel for him."

Kira felt the sourness in the back of his throat before Ikkaku finished speaking. The captain waited for a response.

Finally Kira withdrew his hand. "Ikkaku, please leave."

That was not the reaction Ikkaku was waiting for. "What?"

"Leave, please." Kira shut his eyes and turned away, knowing that if this dragged on further he would lose control. "Madarame-taichou, please. Just go."

"How can I go like this? Izuru, talk to me."

Kira opened his eyes and stared at Ikkaku. "I can't do this, Ikkaku. All you've said, all you've said is about how you don't want to perceive yourself as a small, petty, jealous man, that you are more than a dead man... Gin _is _dead. I buried him myself. And you, you are jealous of him, no matter how you want to say you're not. How can I – how can we – how, Ikkaku? How am I supposed to love you knowing that you hate him while knowing that you know I still love him?"

"Stop complicating the issue, Izuru!" roared Ikkaku. He slammed both palms on the table and straightened. "I don't fucking care how you feel about that man. I just want to know if you still want me, if you still love me."

"I...I miss you, I miss you like something's been torn from me, Ikkaku, but I don't know if that is because I've grown so used to having you or if I really love you. I don't."

Ikkaku sat back with a thump. "Why are you making this into a big production? It is a simple question, Kira Izuru. I just – you said yourself that it feels like a part of you has been torn out. I feel that too. I miss you so bad, I just want to hold you-"

He stopped speaking when Kira grabbed his lapels and kissed him. When the blond moved back slightly, Ikkaku grabbed the lieutenant's hand so tightly his knuckles whitened. Kira flinched but this time he did not draw his hand back.

"What was that?" Ikkaku rasped.

"Simplifying," breathed Kira.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

When Kira woke up some time later, he found his shoulder pressed against his ear in an awkward position. Carefully shifting out from under Ikkaku's arm, Kira wiggled out of bed and pulled on a robe.

In the dim light Kira studied Ikkaku. In repose Ikkaku appeared much younger than when he was awake: the customary scowl and fierce grin were replaced by a calm face. The blond man smiled tenderly; he ran a finger lightly along Ikkaku's cheek. Ikkaku shifted and rolled away.

Kira sighed. He stepped out and headed for the kitchen, where he poured himself a glass of water. The lovemaking had been good. Ikkaku was a direct and honest lover, much like the man himself. Kira smiled again, thinking of how gentle Ikkaku could be when he wanted to, but the smile faded.

He knew the entire charade was pointless. He knew it had been pointless the moment Ikkaku stepped into the little room in the house at Karakura, witnessing Kira weeping over Gin's gigai. He knew it was pointless for them to keep trying: Ikkaku could not and would never accept that Kira was not Yumichika, willing to love Ikkaku and Ikkaku only. It had been a last-ditch attempt tonight to fool himself, and Kira was too smart to do so.

But the loneliness ate away inside, every single moment. Days he could bear. Every day, the paperwork, the punishing deadlines, the need to keep the Third in tick-tock condition, the urgency to ensure the recruits were up to scratch, the pressures of rebuilding Seireitei and the Gotei after the depletion of the shinigami... all these became a barrier to the empty, gaping hole inside Kira. For a while he managed to stem the tide with work, with familiarizing himself with Kurosaki Isshin as captain, with caring for Renji, Hinamori, Matsumoto, and with being Ikkaku's lover. Yet now that he had developed a comfortable relationship with Kurosaki-taichou, now that Matsumoto was showing signs of recovery, now that Renji was a captain and was in a steady relationship with Hisagi, now that the pace of work had declined, Kira had nothing to stop the loneliness.

"You're up," Ikkaku said sleepily as he walked out of the bedroom, wearing only a sheet around his hips. He came to Kira and kissed the top of the blond's head. "Are you alright?"

"Just thirsty," lied Kira. "You want anything?"

Ikkaku hugged Kira close. "I want you."

"Other than that," laughed the younger man. He rested his head against Ikkaku's chest. "I'm kinda sore already. It's been some time."

"Sorry. I musta been too eager."

"Not your fault," Kira clarified. He inhaled the musky scent from Ikkaku's skin. "Kaku, sit with me?"

Ikkaku complied. "What's up?"

Kira put down his glass and took Ikkaku's hands. "Ikkaku, I really missed having you in my life."

"So did I." The captain cupped Kira's cheek.

"But I think it'd be better for us not to get back together."

"... what?"

Kira gazed directly into Ikkaku's eyes. "I don't love you the way you want me to, Ikkaku. I love sharing my days with you, having meals with you, laughing and joking with you. I love making love with you."

Ikkaku's fingers tightened. "That's not good enough for me? Kira, that is all I need."

"You deserve better," Kira persisted. "I can't... I don't love you. I love doing all the things we do together, but it's not you that I love. I'm sorry. I-I know I don't know how you feel, but I know that I know how I feel. I will always be here for you, I will always lend a listening ear, a shoulder... if neither of us are attached even my bed is open if you feel lonely."

Dumbfounded, Ikkaku stared at Kira. "So we're just, what's the term, friends with benefits? That it?"

Kira could not trust his voice. He nodded, and waited for Ikkaku's reaction. The captain let go of Kira's hands and returned to the bedroom. Kira's throat closed and he felt suffocated. When Ikkaku came out fully dressed, Kira got to his feet.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

Ikkaku walked up to the blond. "I don't know if I understand all that you've said, but I do know that I don't understand you any more," the muscular shinigami said. "Friends with benefits? Screw that, and screw you for that matter. Don't come to the Eleventh, Kira. I can't predict what I'll do."

When Ikkaku walked out, Kira squeezed his eyes shut and the tears finally came in heaving, racking sobs.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Byakuya came into his office later than usual, having been to his ancestral graves. He was surprised to see Abarai and Hisagi together in the office.

"Kuchiki-taichou," Abarai said, rising from his chair.

"You don't have to call me taichou anymore, Abarai, you're a captain too." Byakuya found a small smile in himself. "Sit, please."

Abarai shrugged. Hisagi regarded his lover fondly. "He's too used to it," said Hisagi. "We came to ask a favor."

"Oh?"

"As keeper of the records," began Hisagi, "are there any of marriages or unions?"

Byakuya tilted his head. "Only for this century. Historical archives can only be accessed through the Kuchiki clan's database." The noble risked another smile. "I doubt there are any who would oppose your formal union though."

"Wha-" Abarai straightened. "We didn't say anything about that to anyone."

"I do possess an analytical mind, Abarai," Byakuya said. "Also, the manner in which your reiatsu meshes would indicate that, with or without an official recognition, it would be nigh impossible to separate you." His gaze locked on Hisagi. "I congratulate you both on finding your soulmate."

Hisagi and Abarai shared an embarrassed grin before Hisagi asked, "I know that Aizen and Ichimaru wanted an official union before, but the law prohibited them from doing so. Has that law been repealed?"

Byakuya frowned. "I don't believe so," he said after some time. "But I would be sure to discuss the matter with Ukitake-soutaichou. It would be good for you to identify a few more champions for your cause: Unohana-taichou, for instance; Komamura-san would be another."

"Hitsugaya-taichou?" ventured Abarai.

"I doubt it." Byakuya leaned back in his seat. "He will never forgive Ichimaru for hurting Matsumoto-san, and any discussion of this law will inevitably lead to a mention of the traitors. Kurosaki-san will probably help, if only because you, Abarai, are such good friends with Ichigo."

Hisagi glanced at Abarai. Very probably, Abarai had told Hisagi about Byakuya and Abarai's past. There wasn't a lot to say, since it happened before Abarai's engagement to Rukia and none of those present wanted to recall that happy era, for fear of the despair that followed, but nonetheless Byakuya and Abarai had almost become intimates. Byakuya had sought a refuge in Abarai decades after Hisana's passing, and then a shelter in Ichigo, before finally admitting that he was and would possibly forever be a solitary soul.

It had been an iron will and a soft heart steeled against heartache that determined Byakuya's decision then, and both were in need now. The love evident in both men's attitude stabbed into the raven-haired noble. He shook the hurt off. Now that Abarai had more or less recuperated from the devastating loss of Rukia, five years on, Byakuya would do all that he could to ensure the redhead's happiness.

"I will broach the subject with Ukitake-sensei personally after we speak with some of the other captains," he said. "I suggest you prepare for a more detailed private interview. Ukitake-san is wary of this particular law for many reasons, whether it be repealed or no."

The younger captains stood.

"Thank you." Hisagi took Byakuya's hand. For a startled split-second Byakuya almost jerked it away, but he relaxed and held Hisagi's. "I just never want to let this happiness go."

"You have been very patient, and very lucky," Byakuya remarked. He looked at his former lieutenant. "Abarai, this is a good person you've found. I will help you make sure you get to keep him."

The redhead grinned but said nothing.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

After work, Kira returned to the greenhouse to check on the saplings he repotted and planted the day before. To his relief they were fine. As he was about to leave, the door opened and Kuchiki Byakuya came in.

"Kuchiki-taichou," Kira greeted.

"Kira-fukutaichou," said Byakuya, nodding at the blond. "The plants are doing well?"

"They are, thank you for asking," said Kira. "And you, Kuchiki-taichou?"

"Well enough." Byakuya said nothing else, so the blond left the greenhouse. As he was closing the heavy glass door, he thought he heard a soft sigh, but it could have been the wind.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx


	3. Chapter 3

Ukitake was understandably distant when Byakuya raised the issue of civil union when the sixth division captain paid the second soutaichou a social call.

"I don't wish for this to be mentioned so close to... recent events," said the white-haired captain. Byakuya knew he meant the death and suicide of the two traitors. "But I do see that Abarai-san and Hisagi-san are very much attached."

"An official recognition of their status would boost morale," said Byakuya quietly. "There would be naysayers claiming that heterosexual relationships are the norm, but we both know that most of the shinigami were alive when _wakashudo _was being practiced. They would understand and may even admire your stance on this."

"But future generations of shinigami?" questioned Ukitake. "There will be a renewal, Kuchiki-san."

"That is in the future, and that will take care of itself. Besides, I'm only raising it for consideration. Think about it, Ukitake-san. Not in terms of pros and cons, not in terms of Soul Society or Seireitei or even the Gotei." Byakuya's gray eyes lowered and he smiled faintly. "Think what it would mean to Abarai Renji and Hisagi Shuuhei."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira was in the office, filing away various documents when Kurosaki Isshin strode in with a broad grin.

"Kira! Come on out! We're celebrating!" the captain announced jovially.

"What celebration?" inquired the blond lieutenant. He was used to his captain's sudden flights of fancies, but seldom did Isshin involve him in whatever madcap escapades he planned. Someone had to be in charge, after all. "I still have to sort out the data on new product use, so pardon me from not joining you."

Isshin grabbed the armful of files from Kira and stuffed them into a random drawer. "Ach, forget about all that boring crap. We have to go now – it's an order!"

The captain grabbed Kira by the hand and hustled him out of the office. There were wide smiles on almost every familiar face Kira could see as they hurtled towards the ninth division.

_Ninth division? Shuuhei did something amazing? _Kira sped up, a grin beginning to form on his own face. He could feel the ebullience now, almost a tangible cloud that surrounded the division.

Isshin didn't slow as he headed straight for the captain's rooms. Kira hurried to keep up. Nobody appeared to be working, and most had a bottle or a snack in their hands.

The din reached them before they opened the doors. Isshin bounded in and Kira trailed after. Shuuhei was beaming and Renji had a smile, much like his old one. Their hands were linked. The blond was pleasantly surprised; the two captains seldom showed their affectionate side in public, and considering the number of captains and lieutenants in the room, this was definitely public. The only ones missing were Ukitake, Nemu and Yoruichi. Even Unohana was present, watching over Matsumoto who was there in her wheelchair.

"Izuru!" Shuuhei jogged up to his best friend and hugged him tightly. "Guess what?"

"What?" said Kira obediently, though judging by the ecstatic tone of the older shinigami's reiatsu Kira had a pretty definite idea.

"We can get married," said Renji quietly. "Or a civil union, as they call it in the human realm. Ukitake-soutaichou threw out that old law."

Kira laughed and hugged Shuuhei in return. "That's awesome! No protests from any party?"

"The soutaichou threw them out too," chuckled Shuuhei. He held Kira by the shoulders. "I want you to be my best man."

The blond nodded happily. "And who is gonna be the best man for Renji?"

"I am," answered a calm voice behind Renji. Kuchiki Byakuya stepped up to the crew. "After all, I wish to take credit for this," he added with a small smile.

Renji took his former captain's hand in gratitude. They exchanged a glance before Byakuya embraced the redhead gently.

"You are my brother, Renji," said Byakuya. The statement quietened the office a little. The dark-haired noble released Renji. "You have been my brother ever since you were engaged to Rukia. She would be more than happy you have found Hisagi-san."

"I know," answered Renji. The tall captain's smile wavered with nostalgia and remembered love. "I know. Thank you, Kuchiki-taichou."

"Nii-san," Byakuya corrected. "I am your brother."

The noise rose again. Kira could barely hear himself over the chatter. Everyone had crowded up to Shuuhei and Renji, wanting details of their union, offering blessings and congratulations. The blond could feel a small pang of bittersweet memory spread from the back of his throat down to the rest of his body, and the sting of tears prickling in the corners of his eyes.

Hitsugaya, who was lounging near the walls and discreetly monitoring his lieutenant, saw his silence and came up to him. "Are you all right, Kira?"

The blond smiled. "I'm fine, thank you, Hitsugaya-taichou. I'm just really happy for them." He excused himself from the joyful crowd and found his way to the back of the division, near the fields. A wave of loneliness swept over Kira, and he didn't want to taint his best friends' bliss with his own emotional state.

_He's found the man who loves him_, Kira told himself. _I should be happy. I am happy for them. I'm just... I just... I am happy for them._

"I was looking for you."

Kira turned around. Byakuya walked up the few steps to where the blond had sat down and joined him.

"Kuchiki-taichou. Thank you for your intervention."

Byakuya shook his head. "They came to ask for my help. I know I would have spoken up in any case, but I was glad they initiated it." He glanced at Kira. "I also know you are thinking about what might have been."

The blond lieutenant was glad they were alone out here. "I'm sorry. Am I too transparent?"

"No." Byakuya leaned back and looked at the clouds. "I happened to recall the history you share with Hisagi-san, and that you have just ended a long-term relationship with Madarame-san."

Kira smiled with chagrin. "I guess I'm just feeling pitiful."

The raven-haired captain regarded Kira. "You are a good man, Kira-san. You gave your blessings immediately, warmly and genuinely despite what you must be feeling right now. You took up the post of best man without hesitation. I think Hisagi-san is blessed to have loved you, and to still have your love."

"You are very perceptive, Kuchiki-san," said Kira.

"Thank you for the praise." There was an ironic twist to the captain's smile. His gray eyes lowered. "Or you can look at my perceptiveness from another angle and think about why I seem to understand so well."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Byakuya surprised himself by sharing so much with Kira Izuru. The younger shinigami was not a close associate or on familiar terms with the sixth division. Yet there was something about the blond that called out to Byakuya.

The captain pondered over that as he pulled off his robes for his bath. He felt no kinship with Kira, and what interaction they had was limited to official matters and that afternoon in the greenhouse. Byakuya knew that he was not a naturally gregarious man, and for him to approach Kira was a novel experience.

Letting his head loll back, the captain watched steam curl and writhe into fascinating half-shapes. A stag, a woman, a fish, a silk ribbon... his eyes closed. It had been hard, incredibly hard, to have volunteered to take on the role of best man to the two. It had taken all his willpower to hug Abarai Renji and call him brother.

_Red silken tresses caught in his fingers. A warm, hard body, wrapping about him and keeping the heat between them. Soft lips, sweet mouth, pliant tongue all tinged with the taste of tea. Eyes that spoke: spoke of determination, of tenderness, of trust, of belief, of despair. _

_The scruffy street-rat that tagged at Rukia's heels. That focused shinigami who climbed to lieutenant position. The loving fiancé who put up with Rukia's demands and gave in to every whim. That broken man buried by overwhelming sorrow. The renewed captain grave and stern, with hardly a smile and too often shrouded with silence._

Byakuya opened his eyes. Contrary to popular belief, he had always watched Renji. First as an annoyance, and then with increasing respect, before his complete acceptance of the red-haired shinigami as an equal. Even during the time when Renji had tried working himself into an early death, Byakuya had watched him. He had wanted to offer solace to Renji, wanted badly to show Renji that he was not alone in his grief, but Byakuya had always held back. He knew he was too alike to Rukia and that Renji would never see him as another person. He was Rukia's brother. He would always remind Renji of his heartache. And thus he only watched, and accepted all the accusations tossed in his face, the most vehement of which came from Ichigo himself.

"If you could just see what the fuck is going on under your eyes, Byakuya, maybe then you'd learn how to care!"

The dark-haired captain closed his eyes again. The young Kurosaki had no idea, of course, and Byakuya did not expect Ichigo to understand. Now that Ichigo and Urahara were together, Byakuya felt more at ease. The older man would be able to teach Ichigo wisdom and patience.

The steam twisted and danced into unfathomable patterns. _Kira Izuru, how are you dealing with all this now?_ Byakuya found in himself a small smile for the blond. There it was, the attracting factor.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Dinner was a simple affair. Kira cooked more regularly now that he stayed in a room separate from the rest of the division. He valued the quiet now, and a small music player had him humming a few favored tunes as he cleaned up the kitchen.

There was a knock on the door and the blond looked away from his washing up. He wasn't expecting company. Kira opened the door and was stunned to see Ikkaku there.

"May I come in?" asked Ikkaku a little stiffly.

"Sure." Kira shut and locked the door. "Have you eaten?"

The captain nodded and found himself a seat in the small sitting area. "Yeah, I have."

Kira wiped his hands dry and settled nearby. "Why did you come by, Ikkaku?"

"I thought you might need company," answered Ikkaku. He was, for the first time since Kira had seen him at the eleventh's office, clean-shaven and not reeking of alcohol.

The lieutenant was touched. "I'm fine, Ikkaku. It's a long time ago and I'm happy for them both."

"Then why are you alone at home and eating by yourself?" questioned the older shinigami.

"... I needed some quiet time, Ikkaku."

The bald man reached over and stroked Kira's cheek. "I'm sorry I reacted so negatively the last time, Kira. I've thought about it and... I hate to say this, but you're right. I hate being jealous, and with you, I will never be rid of that jealousy." He inhaled and grinned lopsidedly. "I just didn't like being told that immediately after a good workout on the sheets though."

Kira laughed. "Bad timing, I guess. I didn't want to drag things out again, that's all."

"I get that." Ikkaku's grin matched the relief in Kira's eyes. The blond had not wanted to lose Ikkaku as a friend, and given how often they had to come into contact, it was better that Ikkaku and Kira sorted out their misunderstandings. "I get that now. And uh, I think that offer of yours? I like it too."

"Offer – oh. That." Kira chuckled again. "Yeah. I know. We, uh, do have an area in which we're very compatible."

Ikkaku leaned forward. "In that light, can we continue to be compatible in that one area?" His voice gentled and he added, "I think you need company tonight."

Kira smiled and kissed Ikkaku on the mouth. "I do. Thank you for coming by."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

In the moonlight, the garden appeared ghostly.

Byakuya haunted the garden paths, silently drifting along the stone slabs. He stopped by the fish pond, the groves of fruit trees, the ceremonial tea hut. He could not sleep.

"You know, one of these days you're gonna scare the crap out of someone who creeps into your house," said Yoruichi as she sidled out from some shadows.

Byakuya did not look at her. "I would say they deserve it."

"I was just at Urahara's. They're coming to the ceremony," said Yoruichi. "Since your place is large, perhaps you could put them up? They ought to be here three days before the event."

"Certainly," replied the younger shinigami. "Ichigo still has a change of clothes here in the mansion."

"They're very happy now." She wasn't talking about Renji and Hisagi.

"That's good." He strolled down the paths. "They should be happy."

Yoruichi sashayed after him, her tail waving in the air. "And Abarai is settled with Hisagi now."

"Yes."

Yoruichi leaped onto a branch and faced the captain. "Isn't it time you looked after yourself, Byakuya?"

The gray-eyed noble walked on, ignoring the query. He could feel the black cat's golden gaze as he continued to weave his way through his gardens. The question followed him, a murmur in the back of his mind.

"_Isn't it time you looked after yourself, Byakuya?"_


	4. Chapter 4

"Mornin'," yawned Ikkaku as he stepped into the kitchen. "Smells good."

"It should, it's your favorite omelet and bacon breakfast." Kira served the captain a plate heaped with steaming egg and meat. Ikkaku smiled lopsidedly at Kira before digging in. the blond himself had toast with egg, the yolk still runny, and a cup of tea with milk. He had come to love the beverage after Gin made it for him on the mornings the silver-haired shinigami and Kira woke up in the same bed. Unlike what many people thought, Ichimaru Gin was a tender lover and often made sure Kira was content.

In some ways, waking up with Ikkaku was pleasant, because it chased the other happy memories away.

Ikkaku was speaking. "... so anyway, the plan is to get Shuuhei roaring drunk, and then we'll tie him up in a large pink bow and leave him in Renji's room."

"We're gonna have separate stag nights for them?" asked Kira.

"Guess we'll hafta," chuckled Ikkaku. "It'd be awkward if one of them gets a boner while getting a lap dance – and the other guy's around to get all prissy."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The day was too nice to stay indoors. Kira, with a little persuasion, managed to coax his heavily-hungover captain to join him on the porch as they sorted through invoices and claims. Isshin begged off after an hour of work though, presumably to return to his room to sleep off the alcohol.

Light danced off the tips of leaves. Kira basked in the warmth, letting the morning sun wash over him. The grass had been cut recently, and the sweet green scent lingered with every breath he took.

How long had it been since he really enjoyed a day this way?

Kira remembered such days when he was in the academy. He and Renji would go out on weekends to Rukongai, sometimes to watch street plays, sometimes for snacks bought from roadside stalls, sometimes to listen to performers sing and charm an audience. The days of being a shinigami had flown by: under Unohana-taichou's and Aizen-taichou's tutelage, Kira had had little time to relax.

When he stepped into the Third division, it had been Gin who made it compulsory for Kira to join him on his so-called 'good weather days'.

"_You must take a break whenever you can, Kira," the captain had admonished with his usual smile. "The paperwork won't disappear, but fine sunny days like this will. And you're gonna be doing all these crap for the rest of eternity; it's not gonna hurt having an hour or two in the sun and the breeze."_

Kira's heart ached with the recollection. He missed Gin, terribly, and he was probably the only one in Seireitei who did so. It couldn't be helped; so few others saw what he was privy to: Gin's dedication, his hardworking nature, his wry humor, his gentle touches.

Abruptly he decided. Since it was a good weather day, Kira would not stay at work. If his captain was able to take the day off to nurse his hangover, Kira should be allowed to take the morning off.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

It was a long walk. Without shunpo, it would have taken Kira almost three hours to climb the hill where the graves were placed. The location was an isolated clearing; it had been where Gin and Aizen used to have a house of their own. Kira never knew what happened to the house.

Now there were two grave markers, side by side, pale gray stone with words carved into them.

_Aizen Sousuke. _

_Ichimaru Gin._

Kira noted how weeds were climbing over the grave markers and dutifully tore away the plants. The flowers that he had placed that day the two traitors were buried were already gone. The blond lieutenant rinsed the stones with clean water, then placed fresh flowers into the little containers. The bright pink and orange blooms danced lightly in the breeze, and Kira sat on his heels.

The day of their deaths was still vivid in his mind.

Gin, paler and thinner than he remembered, brought in by Hitsugaya-taichou himself and led to Unohana-taichou immediately. Kira had hung about the maximum security ward until the motherly captain allowed him to take a look.

Gin had not smiled at Kira.

Then the trial, with Kurosaki Isshin beside him to provide emotional support, took place an hour after Gin was brought in. Kira remembered his former captain, wan, weak and still jaunty with sarcasm.

And after that, Aizen came.

Kira's tears welled up at this point. Gin's despairing joy at knowing Aizen had come for him had stabbed into Kira's heart. Much as he knew Gin liked him and was fond of him, Gin only ever truly loved Aizen.

And when Aizen had apologized in Gin's stead, Kira knew. He knew what was about to happen, and he also knew he would crawl on hands and knees to make sure the two of them received proper burials.

Isshin had taken Kira out of the auditorium, but Kira insisted on staying just outside. He would not leave, not when it was the last time he could say goodbye. Though he was not present when they died, he saw what had unfolded.

There had been footage of the trial. Aizen, cradling Gin in his arms, feeding him ice-cream; Gin murmuring and finally closing his eyes in response to Aizen's command; Aizen, a final command to Ichigo, and then the cero through his own head.

There had been footage, and Kira had a copy. It was the last moments of Gin's life. That was important. So was the song Gin had made Urahara pass to him – the message embedded had been beautiful and sad and heart-wrenchingly Gin, the Gin that Kira knew and loved.

Of course, there was also Gin's journals, a recollection of things or events that had tickled Gin's fancy. He had bequeathed it to Kira, this time via a message from Hitsugaya.

_"Under the surface, Kira, is the truth."_

That had been Gin's message. Not even Ikkaku knew of it, until that day they went to the two former captains' house to collect their gigai. That was the reason for their row that night. Kira was left alone in the room by Ichigo, and after Kira shifted Gin's gigai he had found the journals, all stored in flash drives. He printed it out in Urahara's store; that shopkeeper would keep the secrets, he was certain, and this way there would be no trace in Seireitei's system.

The contents were sometimes lurid, sometimes pensive, but every now and then Gin would recount a humorous incident. Like the time he had spiked all the captains' drinks with laxatives so as to cut short the meeting, and the time he got Aizen to sing for him, and the time Kira was forced by the SWA to cross-dress in the name of fund-raising.

Now Kira smiled, the memories sweet and warm. He had read all the journals. Occasionally he did wonder if he ought to turn it over to the authorities, but they meant too much to him to let others even glimpse the contents.

How much time passed on the hilltop Kira didn't know, but eventually he was aware that he ought to return to Seireitei. He got up and breathed in deeply.

It was a good place for good weather days.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Byakuya kept up a punishing pace of work, so it was rather surprising when he finally requested for leave. Hence, the lack of surprise shown by the soutaichou grated on Byakuya's nerves.

"Granted," said Ukitake Jyuushiro. "Three weeks."

"That was... fast," the noble remarked, disconcerted that the soutaichou didn't even attempt to talk him out of it.

Ukitake rested his chin in his left hand. "You've not taken leave for nearly seven decades. The last time I remember you on leave was for your wedding."

The dark-haired captain looked at his hands.

"You need time off," Ukitake continued. "Three weeks. Somewhere pleasant. In fact, take someone with you."

"I would prefer to be alone-"

"-and then you'll start withdrawing into a shell again, and we'll be saddled with a distant and aloof Kuchiki-taichou yet again. No thank you." The white-haired man tapped on the table. "I will list some people I think you might get along with; tell me whose company you find... amenable."

Byakuya rose from his seat. "Thank you for the offer, Ukitake-san, but I think I'd really rather spend the time off on my own."

Ukitake said nothing as the noble left. Then he sighed. "You're not getting your way this time. Sasakibe-san?"

The lieutenant materialized from behind a wall. "Soutaichou."

"Find Kyoraku-san please, and ask him to visit me."

"Yes, soutaichou."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Shuuhei watched Kira eat. He had always enjoyed the scene: the blond ate delicately, almost like a ritual such as the tea ceremony, and never failed to finish his food. For someone as slim as Kira Izuru, he packed a lot into his stomach.

This time the dark-haired shinigami was concerned about something else though. "What's wrong?"

"Hmm?" asked Kira absently, putting his chopsticks to the side. "Wrong?"

"Yes, what's wrong?" repeated Shuuhei. "You seldom come over for lunch these days."

Kira half-smiled. "I can't miss you two?"

Renji glanced up but said nothing. Shuuhei nodded at the redhead and Renji excused himself to go to the study, leaving Kira alone with his former lover.

Shuuhei seated himself next to Kira and placed an arm over the slim man's shoulder. "Izuru, I've known you since that night you guys saved my ass. Now spill."

Kira sighed. "I don't know, Shuu. I just feel – am I wallowing in the past, Shuuhei?"

"... why would you ask that?" asked Shuuhei carefully.

"I spent the afternoon at the graves," said Kira, knowing that Shuuhei knew which graves he was talking about, "and just reminisced. Shuu, my happiest memories... they're almost all of _him_. Some of us, of course, but... I'm just worried."

Shuuhei exhaled slowly. "He's gone, 'Zuru."

"I know that."

"And Ikkaku isn't."

Kira could feel his cheeks pinking. "I know that too. But Ikkaku and I – we're not gonna work out, Shuuhei. We're too different."

"I thought he's met up with you at your place?" asked Shuuhei, surprised.

"Um..." Kira lowered his gaze to his hands. "We're – special friends. You know. But not together."

Shuuhei inhaled and relaxed. "I see."

"Yeah."

The older male regarded his best friend. The blond lieutenant was thinner and paler ever since the traitors' suicides; not the wan pallor when they first betrayed Soul Society, but a look that spoke of overwork and stress. Briefly Shuuhei tried to recall the last time Kira had gone on a break.

"You've never taken leave from work," said Shuuhei.

Surprised at the non sequitur, Kira shook his head. "Never saw the point. There is always so much to be done."

"Even I have taken a few holidays, 'Zuru, and I don't exactly have a light schedule." Shuuhei huffed. "The only lieutenant who has an excuse not to need a holiday was Matsumoto, and that's because she pretty much relaxed her way through her days."

Kira shifted. "It's not like the Third can run without me..."

"Then what's a captain for?" retorted Shuuhei. "Kurosaki-taichou can survive a week without you, Kira. That's it. I'm putting in an application on your behalf."

"But Shuuhei-"

"No buts. You're going on a break before we have to ship you off to a sanatorium."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

That evening, Kira Izuru's application for leave was unfolded onto the table. Kyoraku laughed. "Kind of coincidental, don't you think?"

Ukitake was serene as only he knew how. "I didn't do this. Hisagi-taichou did."

"And yet. They're gonna think you're trying to play matchmaker."

"And that's bad because..." drawled the white-haired captain.

His best buddy snorted. "You know the Kuchiki prince will take this the wrong way."

"They seem to be on amicable terms, Unohana-san told me."

"Amicable in a social setting does not equate good traveling buddies, Jyuu-chan. I think you had better scrap the idea. Byakuya isn't gonna like having someone foisted on him, you know that. Remember Hisana?" Kyoraku scratched his nose. "Let it go, Jyuu-chan. They can take care of themselves."

Ukitake sighed regretfully and approved Kira's application to head to the mountains for a five-day sojourn. He had hoped to toss the blond with Byakuya's trip, but his more sensible friend did raise pertinent points. Since he had lived for so long, perhaps he ought to trust that time worked its magic.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The pebble Byakuya threw at Yoruichi missed by an inch.

"That is tantamount to cruelty to animals, Byakuya," scolded Yoruichi lazily.

"You're in my private space," countered the noble.

Yoruichi opened an eye. "You really want me to get out now?" she asked, stretching her dark-skinned limbs and turning to face the younger shinigami, her hair tied up so it wouldn't get wet from the bath.

Byakuya glowered.

The woman smirked and transformed before getting out of the bath. "See ya around, Byakuya-bo. Have fun wherever you're going." Her tail waved a leisurely S as she sashayed past Byakuya. "I hear the resorts are nice this time of year."

_How did she find out where I'm going?_ Byakuya wondered as he rinsed himself clean before going into the bath. _And if she knew, she'd probably be there. _

He narrowed his eyes and made alternate plans.


	5. Chapter 5

The view was glorious. Kira was glad Shuuhei had insisted on sending him on the holiday. Though it was but six in the morning, the sun had already risen and the cloud-capped mountains were shot with brilliant white light. The crisp air filled Kira's lungs and he felt refreshed.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"No communication with Soul Society, Seireitei, the Gotei, or any of us, Izuru," Shuuhei had warned, "not unless it has to do with life and death. You need a break, and it will be a break from all of us."

"But-"

"No buts, Kira Izuru. Soul Society won't fall without you." Shuuhei kissed Kira's brow. "Go, dear friend. I need you as my best man, and the way you're working yourself to the bone right now will mean you'll look terrible on that day."

Kira smiled. "When _is _the big day anyway?"

"August 31," answered the dark-haired shinigami.

"Saves trouble," commented Kira.

Shuuhei grinned crookedly. "Yeah. Saves trouble."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The question now was, what was he to do with himself?

Kira wiggled his fingers and pondered the possibilities. He could go for a hike, or take a hot bath and laze about, or explore the small town down the hill. The gigai he had loaned was fitting him like a glove (Kira still had no idea how the Research Bureau knew his exact measurements) and was touted to be as durable as he himself was.

A few dark-plumaged birds chattered at Kira, before darting off into the forests.

"Hike it is then," Kira announced to himself.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Byakuya was glad his family always maintained connections with the human realm. Otherwise this mountain hideaway would not be possible.

The hired help had disappeared within an hour of his arrival, much to his satisfaction. It was obvious the links the Kuchiki household had with humans were limited to the strictly monetary, and that the housekeeper knew better than to mess with a fat contract that require little more than cleaning a house once every month. If it meant making sure the house's owner had complete privacy then she would personally guard the perimeter with a shotgun.

It was blissful, almost, to hear summer cicadas and feel the heat of the sun soaking through his sky-blue yukata. It would be a wonderfully secluded and restful holiday – and he knew he was entitled to it.

It was also round about this time when he realized he had to cook for himself. He raised an eyebrow and then smiled wryly. That ought to be interesting.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Do you have apricots?"

"Packaged," said the proprietor apologetically, as if it was a huge disgrace not to carry fresh apricots in anticipation of a blond man buying some for a short hike.

Kira beamed. "That'd be perfect. Please give me two packages."

As the little old lady shuffled to the back of her stall Kira felt a stirring of familiar reiatsu. He turned.

Kuchiki Byakuya, casually dressed in a dark gray shirt of fine quality and faded jeans, was strolling down the row of stalls, occasionally examining a vegetable or some fruit. He had a large cloth bag over a shoulder and yet looked every inch a young millionaire out on a holiday.

"Kuchiki-taichou," Kira called out and waved.

The noble appeared startled and the famous gray eyes narrowed. He strode over and hissed, "Why are you here? I thought I indicated to Ukitake-soutaichou that I wish to have my holiday in private!"

"Uh... I'm on leave too, Kuchiki-taichou," stuttered Kira, surprised by Byakuya's annoyed tone. "Shuuhei sent in the request for me and sent me here last night."

Byakuya still appeared unconvinced, but he backed off a little. "Where are you staying?"

"The Five Pines inn over... somewhere there. I just follow the road," said Kira. His bicycle almost toppled as he gestured in the general direction of the inn.

Byakuya frowned lightly but said nothing else about Kira's appearance in the same village. "What are you buying?"

"Apricots," said the proprietor, emerging from the back of the stall. "And you sir? Would you like any local delicacies? We do a fine pickle."

"No thank you," Byakuya replied politely.

Kira paid her and packed the apricots into his backpack. Instead of jumping onto his bicycle, he wheeled it and walked with Byakuya. The blond asked, "Are you on leave too, Kuchiki-taichou?"

"Call me Kuchiki-san." Byakuya observed the surroundings as Kira followed a pace behind. "I'm here for three weeks. I just got in this morning."

"I'm heading up the hill to explore, Kuchiki-san, would you like to join me?"

Byakuya regarded Kira coolly. "I'd love to, but I need to purchase food for my meals for the next few days."

"I didn't know Kuchiki-san cooked," said Kira.

"I don't."

Kira blinked. Then he chuckled softly to himself. "Forgive me, Kuchiki-san, but do you know your way around the kitchen?"

"... it's not that hard to figure out."

The lieutenant laughed again and bobbed his head in apology. "Uh, Kuchiki-san, I think... I think it'd be better if you allowed me to prepare your meals. It's not that easy to cook for anyone, let alone in this place."

"Why is it harder to cook in this place?"

"There aren't any instant noodles or ready-made meals, Kuchiki-san, that you can just warm up. Nor is there a supermarket with prepared ingredients. All ingredients here are fresh and most need special preparations before you can begin cooking." Kira smiled. "If you rather I not intrude on your privacy, perhaps you could consider having your meals at the Five Pines inn by yourself. They do entertain walk-in visitors."

Byakuya scowled. "I'd rather spend the entire three weeks in my own house," he said.

They had reached the end of the path. To the right would lead up the hill where Kira was to spend the day exploring; to the left was the path leading to Byakuya's hillside villa.

They paused. Kira got onto his bicycle, securing his backpack properly.

Byakuya seemed to be debating within himself, but eventually he said, "Kira-san, I'd appreciate if you could come by my place this evening."

"I'll bring ingredients-"

"I have ingredients already," said Byakuya, lifting his cloth bag.

"Okay then, I'll cook."

Byakuya shook his head. "Actually, I think I'd like to learn from you how to cook. Three days should suffice – after which we can enjoy our own break, independently."

Kira smiled and nodded. "That would be great, Kuchiki-taichou. I mean, Kuchiki-san. I will come by later."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The wide array of implements in his kitchen astounded Byakuya. He had thought that it would be easy to read up on all the utensils and tools and then follow Kira's lead in cooking, but it appeared as if a culinary show exploded in his house and colonized his kitchen.

He had started with a cast-iron wok, but turned out two sizes; six pots; eight pans; a handful of whisks; at least seventeen spoons; nine knives, all of varying widths and weights; three clay pots... among others. And there were some electrical appliances which he had no idea what they were doing there.

The doorbell rang. Byakuya walked quickly to the door and opened it. Kira inclined his head politely, his hair damp, probably from a shower.

"Good evening, Kuchiki-tai – I mean, Kuchiki-san."

"How was your ride?" asked Byakuya as the younger male removed his shoes.

The blond brightened. "It was beautiful! There was a pool I stumbled on by accident, and I think I saw a kingfisher – which isn't likely, this isn't kingfisher country – and... well, if you're interested to visit the location before the end of your holiday, just let me know and I can direct you there. It's truly breathtaking."

That was the most Byakuya had ever heard from Kira at one go. He had assumed that the lieutenant was a serious and quiet man, not this chirpy and bright-eyed personality. Looks were definitely deceiving. The raven-haired male coughed. "I... will consider it. In the meantime, please follow me to the kitchen."

"Your place is beautiful," Kira commented artlessly, gazing about at the tasteful furnishing. The _tokonama _scene composed of a single twisting branch with a violet flower near the tip caught Kira's eye. "Did you find that yourself, Kuchikia-san?"

The noble smiled. "Yes, I did. I had to find some way to occupy myself this afternoon, and _ikebana_ seemed the perfect task to center my thoughts."

They reached the kitchen and when Byakuya slid the door open, he was surprised by Kira's gasp. The blond walked in slowly, his blue eyes wide with astonishment.

"This is an industrial-strength kitchen," he whispered. "I have never seen a kitchen like this!"

Byakuya was slightly confused. "Is that bad?"

"Bad?" Kira whirled around. "It's the dream of a thousand professional chefs to have your kitchen! That is it – I will teach you to cook, just for the sake of this place. It would be a crime – no, a sin – if you let this space go to waste."

"You seem rather adamant that I succeed," commented Byakuya idly.

Kira flushed. "I just... I'm sorry. I spoke out of turn."

"You shouldn't be. We have the same goal in mind."

The two men studied the mess of cookware in the kitchen. Kira shook his head. "We'll start with ramen and work our way up from there."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Seeing a captain learning to cook would be, at minimum, a hit article in the Shinigami Monthly magazine Shuuhei still ran.

Seeing the dignified captain of the sixth in an apron was an image Kira hoped to preserve and sell to the SWA for a fortune.

Seeing Kuchiki Byakuya in an apron sucking on his elegant pianist's fingers because he scalded his fingers when putting in the ramen was priceless.

"I did not expect that," said Byakuya with a hint of a frown.

"On the other hand, the ramen is cooking nicely. Now we just need to add in the egg – careful – and the meat, sprouts and seaweed." Kira poked at the ingredients with a pair of chopsticks. "There. Turn off the flame." He beamed at the captain. "You've made your own dinner!"

Byakuya exhaled. "Cooking seems more difficult that battle."

"You just need practice." Kira poured the ramen into a large bowl. "Here. Savor the taste of your efforts."

The fair-skinned man took a bite and promptly choked. "H-hot!"

Kira hastily poured a glass of water and Byakuya sipped it. The blond man was trying not to show his emotions but when Byakuya glared at him, Kira lost control and burst out laughing.

"I'm sorry, I really am," sputtered Kira in between his bouts of guffaws. "It's just that – you – I never thought Kuchiki-san could be this clumsy."

Byakuya nursed the tip of his tongue. It was probably scalded, like his fingers. "Keep it to yourself then," he warned, though Kira's laughter did dispel some of his embarrassment, "because I would hate for others to know."

"It makes you more approachable," said Kira, tasting the soup in the pot and adding a sprinkle of sea salt to Byakuya's bowl.

The noble sniffed haughtily. "I do not wish to be approachable. I have enough problems keeping the distractions from bothering me."

The blond lieutenant raised an eyebrow as he placed the saucepan they used to stir-fry the meant and the pot into the sink for soaking. "Who do you consider distractions, Kuchiki-san?"

"Mostly everybody." Byakuya sat himself at the kitchen table and began eating. "These aren't bad, for a first attempt."

Kira couldn't help but wonder if he was a distraction to the captain, but could not find a way to inquire. Anyway, he just had to teach the noble for two more days and they would be free to wander around on their own. Kira would get a proper break, and Kuchiki Byakuya would not feel intruded upon.

It would have been nice if Kira had managed to snap a photo of Kuchiki Byakuya in his apron though.


	6. Chapter 6

"Usually, when we add seasoning to food, we go in this order: sugar, salt, vinegar, soy sauce and miso," said Kira as he covered the pot with a piece of baking sheet.

Byakuya was taking notes. "Why in that order? And why are you putting that paper over the pot?"

Kira smiled. "Second question first. The baking sheet will maintain the temperature and let the sauce permeate the ingredients fully." He adjusted the flame size to his satisfaction and then looked at the captain. "Generally speaking, sugar particles are larger and take longer to seep into food. Salt will seal in the flavor because the particles are smaller. Soy sauce and miso are last in line to preserve their aroma while enhancing the taste of your dishes."

"I see." The quick scribbling was very amusing for the blond lieutenant; he had never seen anyone so serious about learning cooking before. Byakuya tucked away the slim pencil and caught Kira's gaze. "Yes?"

Kira looked away. Unbeknown to the captain, Kira was already preparing a stash of photos that could fund his retirement. He knew that the highest bid would be for the one of Kuchiki-taichou in an apron, tasting from a pot. "Nothing. We wait till the sauce has reduced by half, add the remaining soy sauce in, then turn off the heat."

The noble did observe the level in the pot and when it was time, completed the dish. "It smells good," he commented when he scooped a little into a shallow bowl for tasting.

Kira sampled it. "It _is _good." The tofu was ladled up and placed in small plates with the accompanying beef and onions, and a few spoons of stew ladled over them. "Shall we lunch?"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

It was remarkable how easygoing the captain could be when he wanted to be, Kira mused privately. They were having their meal at the table, not in the uncomfortable silence as Kira had thought would be the case two days ago, but in companionable conversation. Byakuya usually listened, but would put in his two cents' worth – usually a sharp insight, or an interesting perspective – which somehow brought out the humanity in the noble.

Kira was intrigued. No wonder Renji had had the longest crush on his captain; Byakuya was effortlessly interesting, probably one of the most intelligent men in Soul Society, and proud without being arrogant. It was fascinating to converse with him, and he was surprised by the range of interests that Byakuya had.

After lunch, Kira picked up the backpack he had been using over the course of his holidays. "So, I guess I can leave you safely to your devices, Kuchiki-san."

The Kuchiki noble smiled faintly. Today he was wearing a sage green shirt over a pair of dark gray slacks. "I believe I will survive the next few days, Kira-san."

They stood at the entryway, suddenly unsure of what to say. Byakuya coughed lightly into his hand. "You... mentioned before that there is a bicycle path up the hills."

"I did," replied the blond.

"If you feel up to it, perhaps you could direct me up the hill? I've yet to really explore this place and it seems a waste not to."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

It seemed, to Byakuya, that with every passing season it was harder to stir himself to find a partner. Finding someone he could talk to – really talk to – was difficult in and of itself. With every betrayal witnessed, Byakuya discovered himself closing in further and further on himself. There was too much at stake, he had decided a long time ago.

Yet in the invigorating mountain air, Byakuya found himself chatting amiably with Kira Izuru. It was casual chatter, nothing of vital importance, and yet Byakuya heard himself sharing his opinions on many topics that he had never raised among his peers. Music, art, sports, nature, humans, historical events... not even Ichigo had pried that much out of him, and here in a brisk ride up a hillside he had shared all that and more with a younger shinigami.

Kira was not an optimist. That was evident from his eyes and his manner: he had seen too much, done too much to pretend that there was always a bright side. However, in their interactions, Byakuya saw someone who nevertheless believed firmly in tomorrow, who would do almost anything to ensure that the next day would be better than today, that whatever he himself had endured no one else should have to endure.

There had been gossip about Kira and Ichimaru ever since the blond became a part of Ichiimaru's division, and even some before that. And the blond man never talked about his former captain. There was a relationship there, Byakuya was certain, and he was also certain that Kira had loved Ichimaru with everything he possessed. He had not forgotten how Kira had forgiven Ichimaru and Aizen, and even begged to bury their bodies himself in a secluded spot outside Seireitei.

Unknown to everyone else, Byakuya had been there, once, trying to find in himself a shred of mercy for Ichimaru. He had none, not for his sister's killer, and had in fact raged futilely at the two tombs, before finally breaking down before the unresponsive stone tablets.

Perhaps that had given him new perspective. Something had killed the heart within Byakuya – life, perhaps, or his duties – but after that breakdown he found himself wishing he had had the chance to confront Ichimaru before the silver-haired man died in the arena, in the arms of the other betrayer, Aizen Sousuke.

He wished he had had the opportunity to speak personally to Aizen and Ichimaru, to have had the chance to convey to them exactly how much they ripped from him, to have had the one time to show them what they had done to Renji.

He wished, and then gave it up. He wasn't a stupid man.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The path was mostly dirt and pebbles. The afternoon sun slanted through dark green foliage. Kira pointed out certain trees and routes, and once the both of them stopped to listen to birdsong. It was certainly a pleasant diversion from Byakuya's solitude within that house.

"And that is where I stopped the other time, and found the little pond. Would you like to see it?" asked Kira, slowing his bike down and asking Byakuya.

Byakuya smiled. "Yes, please."

It was slightly more slippery than either man had imagined, but they made it to the water's edge. Here the air felt warmer, and little silver and green fish darted about in the shallows. Kira inhaled deeply and sighed with satisfaction. The almost-permanent frown line between his brows faded completely as he took in the scene.

Byakuya closed his eyes and let the serenity of the location wrap around him. He had needed this tranquility; this was what Hisana had felt like, he recalled abruptly with a sweet pang, and that had been why he was intent on marrying her. She made him calm despite the storms in his life.

A loud crash to their left startled them out of their calm reflection. Kira sniffed the breeze. "Hollow, mid-level."

"You can scent reiatsu?" Byakuya asked, surprised.

Kira nodded with a small smile. "Unique, I know." He frowned in a westerly direction. "It came from there."

Byakuya popped Soul Candy (Chappy head dispenser, limited edition) and pulled out of his gigai. In his shinigami form, the kenseikan were back on his fringe, and his scarf fluttered violently in the stiff breeze. Kira swallowed his own Soul Candy. The two gigai, now peopled by temporary souls, sat on the verdant bank of the pond.

"Stay here and don't get into trouble," Byakuya instructed both and then, with a nod to Kira, sped off to the site of the disturbance.

The two gigai sat and watched as their owners disappear into the thick green growth. The one in Byakuya's turned to Kira's. "So. What shall we do now?"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira drew his sword but did not release it. No point over-preparing for what might be a routine purification. Byakuya on his part had not even drawn his blade: if a captain pulled his zanpakuto too early, Byakuya would argue, it just meant that he had little to no faith in himself.

The hollow taint was there; the reiatsu grated across their nerves. Kira's blue gaze swept from foreground to background, trying to triangulate in on the exact location, while Byakuya stood in the center of the swath cleared by the hollow when it ripped its way into the human realm.

A disc suddenly whirled towards them. Byakuya sidestepped it and Kira smashed it out of his way. The disc embedded itself in a tree trunk – it was a three-bladed weapon.

"Duck."

Kira glanced about. "Duck?"

Byakuya flash-stepped over and forced Kira's head down. "Get down!"

The weapon suddenly jerked backwards and spun just over their heads. Only then did Kira notice the long reiatsu string that was connected to the wicked blades. They got up and saw an obese lump of a humanoid hollow squatting in the trees. Much to Kira's surprise, the branches did not break.

"Oho, two for one special?" mocked the hollow in a high-pitched voice. It sounded like a three-year-old child speaking. "I'm going to enjoy my meal then – oh darn."

Byakuya had stood up, his white haori gently rippling in the wind. He didn't bother with fancy movements or even talk – a quick two-step, and the hollow's mask was neatly halved. The hollow didn't even have time to introduce its nefarious plan.

Kira brushed down the front of his hakama. "Well, that was exciting."

"I sense your sincerity," said Byakuya dryly, returning his sword to the sheath. "I did not want that thing to interrupt my peaceful holiday walk."

"We could walk back leisurely..."

"And I can then tease you for thinking that there really was a duck..."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

They did walk back leisurely, strolling under leafy arches and occasionally examining fascinating mushrooms as well as animals like the skittish deer that could sense them but not see them. Its large doe eyes darted left and right and it sniffed cautiously, but did not move away until Kira tried to pet it on its flank.

"That was dangerous," Byakuya commented when the flying hooves nearly missed Kira's ribs. "Those legs are deadly."

"It was pretty," said Kira in his own defense, though without any heat. It was pleasant to have been that close to the deer. To be that close to nature... Kira resolved to spend his weekends out in the human world and just wander through pristine, unspoiled forests. It would be restful.

It wasn't pleasant or restful seeing his gigai french-kissing the captain's.

Kira's cheeks reddened so rapidly it was amazing his hair didn't catch fire. Byakuya stood rooted to the spot, all color draining from his already pale face. The two shinigami watched in awestruck horror as Soul Candy Kira wrestled Soul Candy Byakuya to the grassy knoll and proceed to-

"Hey! Stop that!" Kira shouted, his face feeling as if it would be permanently sunburned. "Get – off! This is... you're supposed to stay put, not get all... intimate!"

Soul Candy Kira looked like a kid robbed of Halloween candy. "He tasted nice," he said with a pout. Kira, being Kira, was immune to his own 'pathetic' face. He forced the candy out and back into the dispenser, and settled himself back into the gigai.

Byakuya unfrozen enough to do the same, never saying a word to his Soul Candy form. When both shinigami were back in their gigai, they sat on the bank and did nothing while the bodies cooled off from the earlier activities that neither man wanted to ever, ever, ever, mention.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Part of Byakuya knew he was just lonely. The other part knew he was just lazy to really look again. Whichever part it was, suddenly Byakuya was seeing Kira with different eyes, and he forced himself to not even consider the possibility.

He was just lonely, and too lazy to go search. That was it.

And to show respect to his fellow shinigami, the best thing to do would be to not consider the chances of there being a 'them'.

Byakuya was good at convincing himself. Yet the faint taste of plums lingered obstinately in his mouth as they sat on the bank of the pond, watching dragonflies zigzag over the calm surface. And when a trout suddenly jumped up and caught one of the iridescent jeweled wonders, the ripples echoed in Byakuya's soul.


	7. Chapter 7

When Kira woke up, he wondered if he ought to inform Kuchiki-taichou that he would be returning to Soul Society that day. His holiday was over, and he had no doubt that Kurosaki-taichou would have slacked off enough by now. Perhaps Kira should prepare something for the Kuchiki noble, as a way to thank him for pleasant company for the past few days.

Before he could decide, he heard a rapid knocking at the door. He jogged from his bathroom to open the entryway. The proprietress of the inn bowed politely and said, "I apologize for the early intrusion, Kira-san, but your friend asked that I pass this message on to you immediately. He wishes for a reply now – he's on the line."

Kira blinked. He took the note from the lady and opened it, scanning the contents with a single glance. Then he smiled faintly. "Please inform my friend that I would be honored. Thank you for coming all the way up to tell me."

The proprietress bowed again and ran, her feet flashing beneath the traditional kimono. Kira closed the door and read the message again.

_'I would like to extend to you an invitation to tea this afternoon before you leave for home. The flowers around my abode have blossomed rather spectacularly.'_

Kira played with the paper as he studied himself in the mirror. He could just deposit his belongings – just a gym bag – with the front counter and collect them later, he supposed, and if he asked nicely perhaps the inn would allow him access to the kitchen.

Suddenly the blond slapped his brow and groaned. "I have no kimono!"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"There we are," cooed the elderly lady who was the proprietress's mother-in-law. "My grandsons will nag at me for allowing a gaijin to wear their kimono, but you certainly must keep to tradition when attending a tea ceremony!"

Kira beamed at the old lady and studied himself in the mirror. The blue kimono over the black hakama certainly brought out the blue of his eyes, and this being a more modern fabric it was not as severe as the traditional kimono. In fact, there was a metallic cast to the fabric where the weave imitated a sinuous waveform.

The lady finally pulled out and unfolded a haori for Kira. "This will look splendid," she said as she helped the young-looking man into the short jacket.

"Thank you," said Kira sincerely, turning this way and that to admire himself in the mirror. "I will be careful with these."

"You'd better," laughed the old woman. "They're probably older than you are!"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The second he set down the phone, Kuchiki Byakuya wondered whether he had lost all his senses. There was no need to invite the blond lieutenant, the younger shinigami was heading home to Soul Society, they had nothing much to talk about...

But Kuchiki Byakuya had invited Kira Izuru for tea.

The captain glanced out the window. He hadn't been kidding when he said that the flowers around his house were practically at the height of their beauty. Lush colors dripped off tree branches and vibrant spots of pink, red and yellow danced in the wind. The captain considered again, then moved a low table to the porch. The tea session could be set up there as well as anywhere.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira washed his hands as was the norm in all tea ceremonies. By the time he had to come to Byakuya's house, he had just completed his little gift: a handwritten card with delicate cut-out flowers on the cover. It was all he could come up with, given the short notice.

Vaguely he wondered where the ceremony would be. He hadn't seen a path to the tea house the past few times he had come here, but usually he headed straight to the kitchen and the captain never offered to show him around. Taking a deep breath, Kira decided to just press the doorbell and ask. It'd be impolite of him to go blundering about the grounds.

"Good afternoon. You're early... you're in a kimono," said the raven-haired man with mild surprise.

"Good afternoon," said Kira with a small bow. Then he rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't know where the tea room is, so I came over to the main building."

Suddenly comprehending, Byakuya smiled. "There is no tea room. It's not a full tea ceremony."

"Oh!" The comprehension of the matter made the blond lieutenant blush. "I just thought... I mean, I assumed that you'd want to have..."

"I'm less formal and stuffy than most people believe," said Byakuya, ushering Kira into the foyer. "By just a little bit. Make yourself at home in the living room. I'll be with you very shortly." He turned to go, but hesitated. "Would you prefer Indian or Chinese tea?"

Kira answered, "Chinese, please. If you have Tie Guan Ying...?"

"I do. I'll have the tea set ready in a moment."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Drinking tea, no matter where the tea originated, had its little ceremonies, and Byakuya performed it all with a fascinating ease and grace. Kira watched, amused by his own kimono contrasting against Byakuya's crisp white shirt and dark jeans.

"Thank you," said Kira when the second round was offered, the first being used to warm up the teapot and to rinse the cups. He savored the scent as was customary.

It was very good tea.

"I thought you would prefer Japanese tea," Kira commented.

Byakuya smiled over the rim of his cup. "I learned to enjoy other cultures of tea. Especially since" here he gave a weak shudder "I had to endure decades of tea ceremonies."

"I see." Kira chuckled. "My aunt loved making me host them all the time when I still lived with her before entering the Academy. All the things I should do and should not do, how to bow, what to say... she drilled me until I was word and gesture perfect. It was a _nightmare_."

Byakuya lifted an elegantly arched brow. "I'm sure there are benefits to her training."

"I'm an impeccable guest now," remarked Kira, gesturing to his kimono. He sighed and added, "Even though she would nag at me every time she saw me, I do wish she is still around. I've no family left."

The captain tilted his head. There was a strange cast to his gaze.

Kira didn't notice his companion's scrutiny. "It's strange, the day I got to know of her passing. Her fading out, actually. I hope she's happy now though, wherever she is."

"You don't have cousins?"

"No, not that I know of." The blond shook his head and smiled wanly. "Even if there were, I'm not close enough to them to feel anything about them."

Byakuya leaned back in his chair. "I know the feeling."

Too late, Kira realized he had just touched on Byakuya's sorrow. He sipped the tea rapidly and tried to think of another topic, but his brain remained stuck on Rukia's death – murdered by Gin. He had been almost out of consciousness at the time, but from the others' bitter recounts he had felt an intense regret that Rukia died without even saying goodbye to Renji.

The flowers danced in a light breeze. Byakuya let out a long breath. "By the time I leave, these would already have passed their peak and be fading."

"That's life," commented the lieutenant softly. "Fleeting, beautiful, transient life: often overlooked, sometimes forgotten."

"And there are those who sear a path through others' hearts and souls and minds, leaving pain and love and fire behind," Byakuya finished the quotation. "Nejiko Yuya, poet of Soul Society. I wasn't aware he was widely read."

"I spend almost as much time as you did in the library, Kuchiki-san," said Kira with a quick smile. "I checked the logs. Did you dislike the office, Kuchiki-taichou?"

Byakuya chuckled. "It took my father years to figure it out." There was a mischievous gleam in his gray eyes. "If he hadn't insisted on me becoming a shinigami, I would have chosen to become an archivist. My family runs the archives anyway; it's a good, simple job."

"But you wouldn't have met all the people you met, those who respect and admire you."

That was unexpected; Kira flushed to think how he might have sounded to the noble. He decided to let it go. Byakuya certainly appeared startled, but he didn't remark on Kira's earnest statement.

He poured out yet another round of tea. It was really good.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"You're back!" exclaimed Shuuhei with delight as he met up with Kira at the blond's place. He swept Kira up in a hug. "You look great! The rest did you good."

Kira hugged Shuuhei back. "You're looking fine yourself," teased Kira, prodding the dark-haired shinigami's arms. "You've been training."

"I want to look good for him," said Shuuhei, a trifle bashfully. "He's been growing out his hair, and right now his pecs are... wow."

Amused and annoyed, Kira punched Shuuehi in his shoulder. "Shut it. I know you're really looking forward to your wedding night, but did you have to rub it in?"

Shuuhei grinned. "I'm entitled. After all, you had your chance to enjoy me."

"I gave it up, I know. I'm a fool, I know that too."

"But no hard feelings, hmm?"

"None." Kira unlocked his house. "But why are you here?"

Shuuhei rubbed his nose. "Well, I have something to discuss with ya."

They sat at the living room after Kira poured out some water. Shuuhei pretended to pout. "No sake?"

"I want you out of here before Renji comes glowering at me," stated Kira. "What is it you wanted to discuss with me?"

The older male rubbed his hands together. "You know that... Renji and I, we've been together some time. It's been great, you know, that we get to spend lots of time doing what guys do... going out, watching movies, just puttering about the house..."

"Get to the point, Shuu."

"I wanna surprise him in bed on our wedding night."

Kira blinked. Then he grinned crookedly. "That might be hard, depending on what you _have_ done thus far."

The brunet hissed in breath. He seemed unaccountably embarrassed. "The usual... safe, vanilla type, often. Some light bondage. Role play. Man that was good."

"Stop making me horny. Dare I ask who was the bound one?"

"... me." Shuuhei grinned shyly. "It's really good when he takes charge."

Kira muffled a smirk. "So, uh, how about you take charge this time?"

"Me? But he doesn't seem like he appreciates being tied up-"

"Ever asked?"

Shuuhei goggled. He worried his upper lip and sat back. "I... assumed, because the first time I brought the things back he just took them and-"

"-used them?"

"Yes, thank you."

Kira shook his head as he lay back. "I think you're afraid of dominating him."

"Afraid?"

"His life went haywire ever since Kurosaki Ichigo came into his powers." Kira frowned. The blond folded his arms on the table. "Maybe even before that, when Rukia was taken into the Kuchiki family. You know he's been through a lot, and you fear he'll associate being dominated with loss of control."

Shuuhei studied his hands.

"Shuu," Kira began, "I've always been the submissive in my interactions. And I can tell you that control is not in the hands of the dominant partner, but the submissive's."

"I don't understand," muttered Shuuhei, face red.

"You love him, right?" asked Kira.

Shuuhei's reaction was instantaneous. "Of course!"

"Then you would only push him as far as he can take it, wouldn't you?"

The other shinigami began to understand what Kira was getting at. "You mean it's all about trust?"

Kira smiled and nodded. "You got it." Then he laughed. "I thought you were all experienced about this kind of stuff. You mean you've always been playing nice?"

Shuuhei shrugged. "No one complained," he said with a touch of complacency.

"I remember," leered Kira. "And yes, you're allowed that bit of pride. But do remember also that Renji isn't unfamiliar with more... extreme stuff. He did hang out with the eleventh for some time, you know."

"You mean Ayasegawa-san might've..."

"I'm sure Ayasegawa-san, bless his soul, would have been less than discreet about his prowess in the bedroom. I've been Ikkaku's lover, and trust me it's tough living up to Ayasegawa-san's standards."

Shuuhei rolled his eyes. "It's good we're close buddies, or else that counts as too much information."

"Oh, like you sharing about your sex life isn't?"

Shuuhei shook his head again and got up. "I should get back. He'll be wondering how come I've been here so long."

"It's good to see you, Shuu. I'll let you know about your bachelor's party."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The next person to visit Kira was Ikkaku. In fact he had waited outside while Kira and Shuuhei had chatted. The bald-pated man waved a hand at Shuuhei when the dark-haired tattooed man left, then grinned at Kira.

"I missed you," said Ikkaku simply. "Did you miss me?"

"Can't say I did," replied the blond glibly. "After all, I did spend time with Kuchiki-taichou."

Ikkaku placed a hand to his heart. "I'm hurt."

"I'm sure of that," Kira drawled lazily. He lifted his brows. "Why are you here, Ikkaku?"

The captain of the eleventh division strolled up to Kira. He didn't speak, merely trailed his knuckles over Kira's pale cheek. "I did miss you."

Kira's heart filled. He said, deliberately lightly, "Or maybe you missed my body."

"Well, that too," Ikkaku teased, his hands now slipping about Kira's hips.

"Ikkaku..." The half-hearted protest died in Kira's throat where Ikkaku was nuzzling. "Ikkaku, stop it. Not here, not out here."

"In there then." The throaty suggestion was muffled behind Kira's ear. "How about that? You just returned from a vacation, I'm sure you're all rested and recharged. All raring to go."

"Oh yeah," Kira hissed, feeling Ikkaku's taunting hand on his hardening erection. "Get in there and fuck me already."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

In the thick warmth of his bedroom, Kira could almost forget his first real lover.

Ikkaku, honest and strong, coaxing desire and lust within Kira higher and higher. He thrust into the blond's pliant heat, grunting caressing murmurs into his ear, his hot tongue wet and exploring. The blond writhed in Ikkaku's hold, pushing back on the older shinigami's thickness, wanting more, and more-

"_Mark me," Kira begged. "Mark me as yours. Make me yours."_

"_You are mine," a soft voice, soft and low, low like water running over pebbles. "You belong to me. You belong with me."_

Ikkaku sank his teeth into Kira's shoulder and sucked hard, so hard that Kira whined for more.

_Kira hooked his arm over the pale captain's neck. "Show it. Show that I'm yours."_

"I love you, no matter what you say," Ikkaku whispered. "Love you."

_A thin blade, edge pressed against his neck, not breaking the skin. "Hold yourself in, Izuru, hold it in for me. You know when to let go." The blade slid downwards, always pressing, never breaking the surface, careful and erotic, and slowly circled to the back of the blond's thighs, and slashed two shallow cuts horizontally across the tense flesh._

"I'd never hurt you."

_A sinful tongue, licking across the wounds, up Kira's inner thighs, and dipped into his entrance, igniting all the sensitive nerves into overdrive._

"I'll never ever hurt you."

"_You are mine, no matter what happens," hissed Gin, biting down hard into the back of Kira's shoulder, his slender fingers working Kira's arousal roughly, his own erection thrusting into Kira hard and powerfully. When he felt the searing flash of the knife-edge down the underside of his right arm Kira came hard, vision swimming into oblivion._

"Come for me," groaned Ikkaku, wrapping his hand about Kira, stroking and rubbing over the younger male's weeping tip, kneading the tender bundle of nerves just below the head. "Come for me, my love, just for me."

Kira threw his head back, baring his neck for his partner, emptying himself onto the sheets.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira stared at himself in the mirror. He hated himself right now. He should never have suggested this arrangement.

Ikkaku was still snoring softly in the bedroom. The captain had definitely enjoyed himself, since they didn't get to sleep until the wee hours of the morning. Abruptly Kira found himself hating Ikkaku also.

_Is this what I've become? _Kira raged at his reflection mutely. _A sex partner? That it? What happened to love? To trust? Why did I give in last night?_

_Why can't I wipe Gin from my memory?_

_Why can't I just accept Ikkaku?_

_Why can't I give up all notions of love? Why can't I just have sex, lots of it, why can't I just enjoy the physical pleasure?_

_He cares for me, he cares for me! All his tenderness, all his gentleness... he cares, oh gods how he cares... but I can't feel it. I can't feel it._

_Why do I want to be hurt? Why must I be hurt to feel that I'm cared for? Why can't I be normal? What the fuck is wrong with me?_

_WHAT IS FUCKING WRONG WITH ME?_

There were no tears, only empty, futile fury. Kira turned on the tap and let his anger ebb with the water. It wasn't the first time he asked himself the question. It wouldn't be the last time, he guessed.

But he was tired.

He was tired of using Ikkaku, and he was sick of himself.

"I must end this." Kira turned off the tap and fell back against the wall. "I can't go on like this."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

This time it was an amicable split. Ikkaku had woken up, ate breakfast, sat with Kira at the dining table, and listened as Kira poured out all he felt.

Then the eleventh division captain stroked Kira's blond hair, now short again, before pressing a chaste kiss to Kira's cheek.

"I thought as much," said Ikkaku faintly.

"What? Why?"

Ikkaku smiled, a tender smile that didn't reach the melancholy in his eyes. "You weren't thinking of me when we had sex." The smile faded, the sorrow deepened. "I wasn't thinking of you either. Kind of dishonest to keep on with this, ain't it?"

"... Yes."

"I'm still your friend though."

"So am I."

Ikkaku stood up. "I'll see you around."

"Yes, me too." Kira embraced Ikkaku. "Thank you for being so understanding."

"I just care too much for you, dumbass." Ikkaku patted Kira's head. "Don't be getting into any relationships for a bit though, till you're ready. And that guy's gonna hafta face me before I give the okay."

Kira rolled his eyes. "Don't go playing big brother on me, Kaku. Go on, you have a job."

"As do you," smirked Ikkaku as he turned and left. At the end of the lane he waggled his fingers in a farewell. Kira returned the wave.

Already the weather felt more pleasant.


	8. Chapter 8

Kuchiki Byakuya woke up to a cloudless morning and vibrant birdsong. He stared at the bedside clock, trying to place the date, when he realized that it was the first time he had used a calendar for this particular date.

He got up and stared at the blank wall facing him.

Then he lay back down and allowed himself to drift back into sleep, somewhat discomfited that he had actually forgot the day he met Hisana for the first time.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

She had been dainty, polite and shy.

Ichimaru Gin had dragged him out for lunch and left him there alone in a Rukongai teahouse, with a girl of a slight built and large eyes to serve him tea. Her gaze wasn't deferential nor fearful nor disdainful; they were interested and almost amused that the captain had been deserted by his companion.

After that first, silent lunch that stretched uncomfortably long, Byakuya returned for a second time, and then a third, and soon he was meeting Hisana outside of the teahouse for short walks to her rented room. Then a wild adventure – an elopement that Byakuya, till now, had never regretted.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The raven-haired man cooked with meticulous attention to detail. He had managed to get a connection to the thing humans called the internet and taught himself to locate recipes. It did cost him a night's sleep to learn how to navigate his way through the plethora of useless sites, half a universe worth of pornographic sites and an amazing amount of rubbish dedicated to the small obsessions of humans, but he did find recipes that met his intentions.

He let his mind empty as he chopped up onions and carrots for his stew. A faint tune edged its way into his thoughts, a light airy nonsense song about a butterfly going to the sea and falling in love with a starfish.

He had learned it from Hisana.

He smiled to himself as he watched the stock simmer. She had been such a joyful presence; that joy had faded near the end of her life as she faded before the coming of spring. But she smiled and laughed with genuine pleasure. Though Byakuya could not quite see how she did it, Hisana made friends with almost everyone she met, including that Ichimaru Gin.

Sometimes he wondered whether things might have been different should Hisana have lived. For one, she might have reunited and reconciled with Rukia, and there might have not been that chilly, distant relationship Byakuya had imposed on Rukia. Ichimaru might have chosen not to betray Soul Society – though that was unlikely, given how long that silver-haired shinigami had been with Aizen Sousuke.

Byakuya might have been a better man. Probably would have been.

Still, he thought, no use crying over what might have been. He had cried enough back then.

It was remarkable how time soothed away even the deepest sorrows. He had always been hyper-aware of events relating to Hisana, and to have forgotten about it today seemed to signal something deep in his psyche that had yet to make itself clear.

_I'll figure it out,_ he thought as he sampled his soup. It was not yet perfect. _I will figure it out._

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira rolled his eyes. "No stripper, Ikkaku. We've been over this!"

"I know you don't like watching naked female flesh paraded all over," said Ikkaku, his thick finger tapping on the edge of a desk, "but Matsumoto's suggesting male strippers."

"In uniforms," Matsumoto added with a leer.

"Uniforms?"

"Uniforms," affirmed Ikkaku with a crooked grin.

Kira bit his lower lip. "Well, I'm sure Shuuhei will appreciate some eye candy..."

"I'm thinking sailors," said the busty redhead, ignoring Kira completely now that he was on board with the male strippers idea.

Ikkaku frowned. "I prefer policemen."

"I'm leaning towards cowboys personally," Kira put it, pointing at a picture in the brochure Matsumoto had brought. "Lassos and whips... hmm."

The other two raised their eyebrows. Matsumoto shook her head and pointed at Ikkaku. "You dated him, you tell me," she said, and then added with much waggling of brows, "In as much detail as you please."

"Not a chance in hell." Kira rolled his large blue eyes. "So I have a fetish. Get over it. And get the images outta your heads."

Ikkaku smirked and rested his cheek on a large hand. He pretended to gaze into the distance. "Not likely to, sweetheart. Not likely to."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Byakuya handed the keys to his housekeeper and got into the cab. It was an impulsive decision, perhaps, but it was something he had been putting off without acknowledging that he had been procrastinating.

It was lucky that he was only two hours away from Karakura town.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Ichigo nearly got a heart attack on opening the door. "You never told me you were coming!"

"I wasn't aware of it until this morning." Byakuya nodded at Ichigo and, more importantly, the glaring blond behind Ichigo. "May I speak with you in private?"

"No." "Yes, of course."

The youngest male stared at his lover. Urahara squirmed a little but the defiant pout was still in place. Ichigo began tapping his left foot, a signal that the blond shopkeeper seemed to recognize. Finally Urahara stepped away.

Ichigo sighed. "He's been very huffy lately about the company I keep," he told Byakuya who had been amused by the by-play.

The fair-skinned male murmured, "Was there somebody who tried to, uh, approach you?"

"Three somebodies," admitted Ichigo with a ready laugh. "I sent them packing though. However," here Ichigo directed a not-at-all-accusing glare at a certain nonchalant Urahara, "they turned up later at a hospital with severe bruising and sprained joints. And a completely innocent message scrawled over their foreheads saying that they were molesters and pedophiles."

"Ah, I see." Byakuya adroitly moved a pace away from Ichigo.

The redhead smirked and hooked his arm around the noble's trim waist. "Anyway, come on up to my room."

Urahara interjected, "Shouldn't it be our room?"

Ichigo looked over his shoulder and said, "You're still sleeping on the sofa tonight, _darling_."

"But-"

"And Byakuya can certainly share that room with me."

As Ichigo tugged Byakuya upstairs, the captain muttered, "Did you have to involve me in your lovers' quarrel?"

"You're one of the few he doesn't dare try his tricks on," said Ichigo with a wide grin. "Besides, he knows we aren't about to patch up as a couple, so he's only pretending to be worried so that I can vent my annoyance." Off Byakuya's look, Ichigo shrugged. "It's a married couple thing."

"You're not married."

"As much as," commented the young man. "Nowadays I can't remember what it's like as a single. Here, have a seat."

Byakuya took the chair offered. "Is it better, being... married?"

"You've been married before, you tell me."

"I was, but Hisana was nothing like Urahara." Byakuya risked a small chuckle. "Thank the heavens."

Ichigo grinned. "One of him is enough for any world." He plopped onto his bed. "So, what brought on the visit today?"

Byakuya wondered how to broach the subject. All through the two-hour trip, he had been considering various ways to speak to Ichigo about their past. He had briefly thought about asking Ichigo to go to the cafe where they broke up, but he wasn't certain that it was still in business.

"Ichigo," he started, and then decided. "I wish to apologize."

"Apologize? What for?"

Gray eyes met amber. Byakuya found this a lot harder now that the younger male was opposite him, but he soldiered on. "I... Whenever I think about that half a year, when we were together... I realize I had not treated you right. I took refuge in your company, and... I gave – nothing – of myself in return." He swallowed and looked at his hands. Slender fingers that had no business holding a sword were clasped tightly together. "I even took your virginity, all the while knowing that you were not the one I would've chosen to spend the rest of my life with. It was... despicable of me."

Ichigo sat forward. "Hang on now-"

"And I also ended our relationship in a shameful manner, in a dictatorial and, and highhanded way. I had no right to call it quits on my own, especially since-"

"HANG ON," shouted Ichigo.

Byakuya was so startled he jerked back.

The redheaded young man had got to his feet and planted his hands on his slim hips. "Byakuya, I loved that autumn and winter with you. I had a great time learning all kinds of things with you and from you, not least how to make love. True, the breakup was painful, but I knew you had your reasons. There's nothing to be sorry about."

"But I-"

"I'm not done," Ichigo warned. "What makes you think I wanted you to spend your life with me? I was fifteen? Sixteen? I had no idea where I was heading with my own life. If you had proposed to me then, I would've thought you were insanely obsessed with me." He smiled. "You gave me more than you imagine, Byakuya. There is no call for apology. Well, maybe for the breakup. Other than that? Nothing."

The raven-haired male blinked incredulously at Ichigo. Then he stood up too. "Really? Even when I was being..."

"A jerk for not letting me help you deal with your grief?" asked Ichigo gently. "We all had to go through it. The grief, I mean. I know you, Byakuya. You lock your feelings away until you think you're strong enough to face them, and then deal with them all in one shot. You just forgot that others didn't deal the same way you did."

_How can anyone be this big-hearted?_ Byakuya was surprised by the warmth spreading in himself. He touched Ichigo's cheek. "Thank you," he said simply and sincerely.

The younger male smiled, and then pulled his former lover into a great big hug.

Which was, of course, the moment Urahara chose to open the door with a tray of drinks.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"You're on the sofa until _Christmas_," Ichigo snarled and slammed the door shut on Urahara. He walked quickly to Byakuya and handed him the ice pack. Byakuya groaned when the ice was placed on the bruise on his temple.

Ichigo winced as he prodded at the discoloring. "I'm sorry for his immaturity," he said. "I wonder what's getting him all riled up recently. He's more possessive than a... than a..."

"Than a lovesick young man with the person of his dreams?" said Byakuya dryly. He lay back. "If I do get a scar, Ichigo, he will need to answer to SWA for harming their Most Beautiful Man of the Century."

"That being you? No accounting for taste." The tease in Ichigo's tone was a marked difference from the one Byakuya was used to. It wasn't a good or bad difference; it was just... not the same.

The Ichigo he had deliberately seduced with a kiss (and with a lot more later on) had been brash, socially clumsy, and an impossibly persistent youth. That Ichigo had charmed with an innocence which he had hidden behind a shell, and Byakuya used all his wiles to inveigle his way past the shields.

As Ichigo left to chastise Urahara further, Byakuya shut his eyes. Ichigo now was taller, slightly more muscular, and there was a mature relaxedness about his eyes. He smiled more readily, and teased and joked with great ease. That was probably due to Urahara's influence.

Byakuya remembered deciding that teaching the shinigami substitute how to kiss was an impulsive decision. On that day, the rising sun had lit up Ichigo's features with a warm golden glow, and set that amazing orange hair afire with glinting copper highlights. It had been near impossible to ignore how very delectable the young man was, and Byakuya had been about to deny the inevitable.

It had actually shocked him that he wanted Ichigo. All his life, he had never considered a male as a lover. But rash and insolent Kurosaki Ichigo kept forcing Byakuya to look at him until the flare of righteous indignation in amber eyes had turned into a siren song for the captain. On that morning, he had almost held back.

Almost.

Yet it had been so very wonderful feeling someone's affection again. To know that there was a person waiting, wanting to see you; to know that there was someone to hold, to hug, to kiss.

And though Ichigo had been very shy the first time the youth stayed overnight, once the initial shyness had been overcome there had been passion the likes of which Byakuya hadn't felt since Hisana passed on. There had always been respect between the two men; after that first wild night, Byakuya knew there was something stronger than that.

Now that Urahara and Ichigo were together, Byakuya could honestly admit that, had Ichigo been a little older, and Byakuya a little less guarded, he would have really considered Ichigo to be a life partner.

The Kuchiki opened his eyes again. He had lost Hisana. Renji he had thought of, very briefly, as a potential, but Rukia had loved Renji and there was nothing Byakuya would do to hurt his adopted sister's heart again. Then there had been Ichigo, who was better as a person now that he was with Urahara.

"_Isn't it time you took care of yourself, Byakuya?"_

Yoruichi's words came back to haunt him. He sighed and shut his eyes again.

_Yes, it is._


	9. Chapter 9

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"So," Hisagi slurred happily. "Dancers."

"Thought you'd like them," chirruped Matsumoto happily as she blew a paper squeaker.

Ikkaku had his arm slung over Kira's shoulders as the blond cheered on a currently-dressed pretend-shinigami. The captain of the Eleventh grinned and let out a wolf whistle when some ladies in lots of glitter and some feathers sashayed into the scene too. "I'm liking them."

"It's not for your benefit," said Hisagi, taking another swig of sake before he was hauled up to dance with the quartet working it. Taking a long bright turquoise feather boa, Hisagi started preening and posing as only the about-to-fall-over-drunks could do.

Matsumoto and Kira whooped as the ninth division captain started flinging off his captain's coat, and then the parting of his uniform widened just a little. The dark-haired shinigami waggled an eyebrow and smirked before he whirled about unsteadily and tossed away the top of his uniform. When Hisagi struck a bodybuilder's pose, lean muscles played under the tanned skin.

"Yummy!" called out Matsumoto and Kira in unison.

Ikkaku grunted and shoved himself off his seat. "I can do better," he announced, and was highly encouraged by the glittery feathered girls and the duo of stripping shinigami. "Check these out – sexy scars for free viewin'!"

"I got them too!" exclaimed Hisagi. "And on my face!"

Ikkaku snorted. "Across the torso, and down my back."

"Along my thighs and across my left calf," Hisagi retorted. "See?"

Pants flew off to land in the same heap in a corner with the rest of his clothes. Ikkaku laughed and tore his own off too. "I have more!"

Kira raised both hands. "I wanna count 'em!"

"Me too! Me too!" Matsumoto joined in.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Renji folded his arms. Not disapprovingly, exactly, but resigned. "Strippers."

"Yep."

"Who also got you up to join them." This was directed at Renji's soon-to-be partner.

Hisagi nodded, then winced at the cacophony in his head.

Kira raised a hand. "I'm sorry. May I go back home now?"

"Not yet until someone explains to me why strippers were considered a good idea for a bachelor party held the night before a Key Officers' Meeting," Renji drawled.

"Sorry," Hisagi grinned. "But you said you didn't want to come."

"Because there is a meeting in five minutes' time?" The redhead sighed. "We could have pushed the party back."

Ikkaku groaned. "Leave the talking till later, will ya? You sound like a disgruntled wife."

"And all of you are hungover," countered Renji. He shook his head. "I can't imagine how this would fly in the meeting – Ukitake-soutaichou's gonna be pretty mad."

"Doubt it," muttered Kira. "He's had to deal with Kyoraku-taichou for centuries."

Looking at the sprawl of his friends all over his office, Renji made up his mind. "I don't care about the rest of you, but Shuuhei, you ain't escaping the meeting by claiming a headache."

"But Renji-"

"No buts. You're a captain, known for being responsible, and so help me God I will make sure you keep that reputation."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

When Byakuya saw Kira dragging himself to his lieutenant seat behind Kurosaki Isshin, he couldn't help seeing the unhealthy pallor of the blond. The Kuchiki heir was mildly concerned; he felt reinvigorated after the short break and the meeting with Ichigo, and since Kira had a holiday too he shouldn't be looking that bad.

Then again, he had only just arrived that morning back to Seireitei. There might have been some upheaval that he had not been informed of. Then he sighed. Now that he was back, Ukitake-soutaichou would be asking him for a recommendation for the lieutenant post in the sixth. Byakuya couldn't think of anyone who could fill Renji's shoes. Though the big lug had been clumsy and uncouth, he had also a charm that secured loyalty of their men and a dogged perseverance that inspired many.

Ukitake made his way to the head of the large desk. Sasakibe nodded. "The meeting shall commence. Unohana-taichou and Komamura-taichou beg their absence due to an ongoing investigation in Hueco Mundo."

"Another investigation?" remarked Hitsugaya. His icy gaze was forbidding; rumor had it that Ukitake had tried to groom him as the next soutaichou but Hitsugaya had flatly refused. "All we've had were nibbles on the security systems. Send out some lower level officers."

Byakuya rested his forearms on the table. "Why were Unohana-taichou and Komamura-taichou sent out, if I may inquire?"

"There has been signs of vasto lorde activity resurgence," said Ukitake. A sudden commotion broke out and Ukitake waited until the rabble calmed down. The white-haired captain-general smiled thinly. "I do not think it is a hostile event, to be honest. I sent those two captains because they are more likely to make an accurate and non-reactionary assessment of the situation, but until they are back I will ask that captains and lieutenants be wary of any odd occurrences."

"I would like to examine the data," Byakuya volunteered.

Renji raised his right hand. "As would I."

Hitsugaya frowned and turned to mutter something to his lieutenant Matsumoto, but rolled his eyes instead when he saw that she was dozing.

Ukitake Jyuushiro regarded the two men. "I know that you have an excellent working rapport, but I'm afraid that your prolonged collaboration might hinder any possible discoveries. It would be good to have two sets of investigators working simultaneously and without contact."

With a wide yawn and a stretch, Kyoraku cut in. "Jyuu-chan, I'll work with Abarai-san. We've never worked on a project together before."

"All right," said Ukitake, "provided that Abarai-taichou handles all the funding that you need and that you turn up for work mostly sober."

"Jyuu-chan, you meanie."

Ignoring the pout Kyoraku directed full force at Ukitake, Byakuya coughed. "I would prefer to work alone."

"I know you would." The captain-general narrowed his eyes. "However, you will still need an assistant to record your findings. Kira-fukutaichou, you've been nominated."

"Wha-?" The blond blinked in flustered confusion. "Uh, sure, soutaichou." He bobbed his head at Byakuya. "I hope to be of some help, Kuchiki-sa – I mean, Kuchiki-taichou."

The sixth division captain noticed the flicker of complicated expressions passing from Ukitake, Kyoraku and Kurosaki. He decided not to comment on that exchange; he had a fleeting suspicion that this had been planned out earlier. Yet, why had they selected Kira out of all the other competent – never mind that thought. The rest were either too green to work with Byakuya's high standards or too irresponsible. If Hisagi hadn't been promoted, he would've made a good assistant.

"Abarai-san, Shunsui, your focus is on the north-western quadrant, with Las Noches as the center. Kuchiki-san, yours is the north-eastern. There has been no signs of disturbance in the south at all so I shall leave that out for now and concentrate on what is." Ukitake suddenly looked much older than he usually did; perhaps he was feeling his age. "For once I wish that we have peace, but I doubt we'll be blessed with that for long."

The meeting turned to other, less important items.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"May I have a moment of your time, Kira-fukutaichou?" asked Byakuya politely when he came to the third division office.

Kurosaki Isshin peered over the top of his glasses. Byakuya tried his best not to show distaste at the pair of sandaled feet propped on top of the antique wood table and knew he was failing. Ichimaru Gin might have been a traitorous bastard, but that man had good taste; Byakuya recalled the few items that Ichimaru furnished his office with and had truly admired how the slender silver-haired male picked out the most well-made pieces available and how he had decorated the spartan room to great effect.

Kira stood up and emerged from behind his screen. "I would be glad to meet with you, Kuchiki-taichou, if Kurosaki-taichou has no need of me at the moment."

"Cut all that courtesy crap and get outta my sight," growled Isshin good-naturedly. "Lords spare me all you noble family types with your flowery languages."

Byakuya smiled thinly. "It's no wonder your son has turned out the way he has, Kurosaki-taichou. You and he are distinctly alike in certain areas. Kira-san, shall we?"

Kira grabbed his papers and hurried out the door, and Byakua followed soon after. The two managed to get to about fifteen feet from the doorway when Isshin poked his head out the window and yelled, "I UNDERSTOOD THAT, YOU BACKHANDED NIMROD!"

The Kuchiki noble did not respond, but Kira did see the smile on the brunet's face grow slightly larger. By the time they reached the Kuchiki mansion, Kira was trying his best to restrain the grin on his face.

"Don't assume I have a sense of humor," said Byakuya suddenly as they paused for the gate attendants to open the doors. He flashed a glance at the straight-faced Kira.

The blond lieutenant nodded once. "I understand, Kuchiki-taichou."

"Kuchiki-san will do."

"Yes, Kuchiki-san."

They headed to the large and imposing halls dedicated solely to archiving purposes. The few attendants who were in sight bowed deeply as they passed. Kira felt uncomfortable. Though his family had had servants back when he still lived with his aunt, he never remembered them being quite this servile.

An elderly man came out bearing an ornate mahogany box, from which Byakuya withdrew a key. Then he unlocked the main door.

"Come in," he said to Kira.

The pale blond marveled at the size and cleanliness of the place. He had expected towering stacks and dusty aisles, not a spacious and airy room. There was a large table set into the middle of the room, while filing cabinets ranged along the perimeter.

Byakuya motioned for the elderly man to leave. "Take a seat. I've already asked Kurotsuchi-fukutaichou to place the data in her sharing folder so that we can all access the information easily. Our job is to go through what she has and we'll pick out patterns, if there are any, and I'll cross-reference to similar incidents in history."

"Y-you mean you can recall all of the history that has been archived?" Kira was impressed.

"I mean that I can key in search terms that can bring out the relevant information," answered Byakuya dryly. "And then I will sift through the data that is brought out. There are thousands of years' worth of records here, Kira-san. My brain is only that large."

Kira was slightly abashed. "Oh."

"But you'll find that the Kuchiki records are not quite complete with regards to events from 1735 to 1888 onwards, and recent developments with regard to the renegade shinigami have not been included." Kuchiki Byakuya did not look at his partner while he sat down to his own workstation. "When this has blown over, I'd like your assistance as well in recording the events of the past few years."

"I... may not be the best candidate for that job."

Byakuya sighed. "You knew them as individuals, whereas I see them as betrayers of a sacred trust. I feel that you will be more objective than I." His steel-gray gaze pinned Kira to his chair. "Or do you intend to imply that I am unable to determine the capabilities of my subordinates?"

Kira swallowed nervously and shook his head.

"Good." In a rapid shift in mood, he asked, "What would you like to drink or snack on while we discuss which aspects of the data to pay attention to?"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

While Ikkaku was understanding of Kira's decision, he wasn't too pleased at the blatantness of Ukitake and Kyoraku's maneuvering of the blond lieutenant. That evening he grabbed the eighth division captain for a drink, something he had never thought of doing though Kyoraku had been an old-time drinking buddy of Zaraki.

"Why are you shoving Kira to Byakuya?" he asked the other captain. "They don't match. You know this."

"Frankly, I don't," replied Kyoraku as he poured a liberal amount of sake into Ikkaku's bowl. He emptied his own in one long appreciative sip. "But since Kira-san is a free agent now, I thought he'd be good for the Kuchiki boy."

Ikkaku snorted. "Kira doesn't go for that type."

"I wasn't thinking of turning them into a couple, Ikkaku-san," drawled Kyoraku quietly. His smile was a relaxed tease. "Just because you see Kira-san as a lover, doesn't mean everyone should – or would."

Slightly irritated, Ikkaku narrowed his eyes at the older man. Then he decided that he had better kept silent and just drink up. The older male knew too much of what was going on, to the point that nothing could be hidden from that knowing gaze.

That irritatingly smug captain was now studying Ikkaku. "So," he began with a slurring drawl, "how's it been since you and Kira-san broke up?"

Ikkaku decided that he would never invite Kyoraku for drinks again.

Kyoraku went on, seemingly unaware of Ikkaku's glower. "He's never really been alone, has he? I heard he's always had a boyfriend. Hisagi-san, Ichimaru-san, you... Boy's got good taste in men, I must say. But this must be the first period in many many years when he really has to be self-reliant."

"Are you implying he isn't?" grunted Ikkaku. The sake tasted better being shared anyway, even if his choice in companion talked too much.

Kyoraku affected surprise. "How would I know? I've never gotten the chance to know him well." He smiled and drank up. "I doubt he has either."

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XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Hisagi Shuuhei and Abarai Renji held a private ceremony at the ninth division's main hall, peopled with just their closest friends, and then there was a reception at the ninth division grounds The vows were to be simple, as were the rites, and of course Isshin had to ruin it all by dressing in the loudest suit he could find from the human realm. He made up for it – slightly – by having his daughters act as the bridesmaids.

Karin was more familiar with Kira and thus the two were put together on Hisagi's side, while Byakuya was paired with Yuzu, who blushed and avoided eye contact. She knew he was her brother's ex-boyfriend. To be honest, Byakuya liked the Kurosaki girls, both of them, as much for their resilience as for their maturity, something sorely lacking in their father. Yuzu had told Byakuya once, a long time ago, "if you dare make my brother cry I'll smack you in the head". The head-smack had never come, but he had been rather impressed and amused by an adolescent threatening him with a sweet smile and a spatula in her hand. She was now a young adult, very pretty in a pale lilac dress, and honestly happy for her "Renji-nii-san".

Karin was speaking to Hitsugaya in a corner before the ceremony was to start. For some reason, no one seemed to be surprised when both of them started to glare icy daggers at each other. By the time it was ten minutes to the ceremony, Hitsugaya had left with a fierce scowl and Kira was attempting to cheer Karin up. He succeeded marginally, until the bell for the couple to prepare rang and then the dark-haired human girl lit up with genuine joy.

"How do I look?" murmured Abarai. He looked ashen and faintly green around the gills; Byakuya straightened the redhead's hair tie and, not without a hint of regretful sorrow, let the silken strands fall from his fingers.

"You look good." Byakuya almost-smiled. The last time he witnessed Abarai this nervous was at the younger captain's engagement ceremony... with Rukia. This time however the two men opted for western dress and Byakuya was spared further memories.

Hisagi himself appeared jumpy and was bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet. He only stopped his fidgeting when Abarai touched his arm and whispered something too low for anyone to hear.

"Enter," said the officiant.

The two captains squared their shoulders simultaneously and then strode in, Hisagi stepping to the left and Abarai to the right. Kira and Byakuya took their places, as did Karin and Yuzu. Byakuya held the ring Abarai chose for Hisagi, and Kira was bearing the ring Hisagi selected for his lover.

"Please rise." The officiant didn't waste time with clearing his throat or other dramatics. "We are gathered here today as witnesses to a union between two persons. Are there any who oppose this union? Speak, or forever hold your peace."

Deadly silence. Everyone present supported the union.

(That could also be due to the arrogant smirk of one Madarame-taichou, or the icy aura emanating from one of the best men, or the combined narrowed gazes of three Kurosaki family members. Or the fact that, in addition to the rings, both best men also bore their swords and the grooms' swords in a completely inconspicuous manner. We shall not speculate.)

"Hisagi Shuuhei," said the officiant, ignoring the giggling that suddenly broke out in the seats, "do you take Abarai Renji as your legal and lifelong companion, to love and to hold, for richer or poorer, through sickness and health, till death do you part?"

"I do." Hisagi's voice didn't shake, but it was rougher than usual.

"Do you, Abarai Renji, take Hisagi Shuuhei as your legal and lifelong companion, to love and to hold, for richer or poorer, through sickness and health, till death do you part?"

Abarai inhaled deeply and breathed out. He met Hisagi's nervous eyes and grinned. "I bloody well do."

The officiant had to smile a little at that declaration. "Please exchange the rings as a binding symbol of this union," he said, and added gently, "May it be blessed."

"It will be," Hisagi whispered as he put a plain gold ring on the tall redhead's finger. "It will be."

Abarai took the other ring and slipped it onto Hisagi's finger. "You can't run now, Shuuhei," he teased. A hint of the old Sixth Division lieutenant had returned, and Byakuya found his throat tightening with emotion when the two men bent their faces together for a kiss. He lowered his eyes, feeling mixed emotions roar to life in him. When he looked up again, he studied the audience instead of looking at the radiant contentment of the happy couple.

With shining eyes Kira gazed at the two men fondly, but when he saw Byakuya watching, the blond lowered his lashes. Something suspiciously like a tear rolled down a flushed cheek. The dark-haired noble looked away, unwilling to embarrass the blond.

Isshin was openly weeping, blowing his nose on a gaudy handkerchief; Matsumoto had recaptured her captain and the two were in the back, just smiling widely. Technically, Hitsugaya was grimacing, but Byakuya knew the young captain well enough to know that it was real joy he was expressing. Ikkaku whooped and cheered, while the fifth division lieutenant Rikishi and – what was his name? - Yamada something or other clapped their hands with great enthusiasm.

Ichigo and Urahara turned up just after the ceremony bearing a huge five-tiered wedding cake that somehow survived the journey through the dimensions with nary a smudge in the icing.

"Sorry we're late," apologized Ichigo. "Traffic from the bakery was hideous until we remembered a short cut. Ishida sends his blessings but he says Inoue-san isn't well enough to travel." He hugged Abarai first before Hisagi, and all three pounded each other's backs as if they were made of steel.

"That's all right," said Abarai warmly. "S'long as you're here. I'm glad. And is that chocolate?"

"Baked by Inoue herself, and you know how much her cooking has improved after her... well, after." Ichigo was soon swamped by embraces from his father and sisters. Urahara merely fluttered his fan and spoke with others in the small group, before turning to Kira to chat.

Byakuya retreated to one side. It was too many people at the same time. In fact, he could see Ukitake, Kyoraku and Tessai bearing down now. Feeling fairly out of sorts, the raven-haired captain quietly stepped out of the building,

To his surprise, Kira Izuru followed soon after. The blond wasn't out there for his own purpose though. He ambled up to the captain and shrugged. "Are you all right?"

"Do I look anything to the contrary?"

"You did," answered Kira honestly. He smiled, a hint of fatigue creeping about his eyes. "As did I."

Byakuya couldn't say anything to that. He sighed and let his head loll back to regard the darkening sky. "It's late autumn now."

"Yes." Kira folded his arms and leaned against the wall. "Soon it will be persimmon season again."

"Kira-san," Byakuya started to say, and then lost his thread of thought. "Kira-san, they will bbe happy."

There was a note to the statement that begged for a reply. The pale blond nodded. "They will, inasmuch as any couple can be."

"That's good." The head of the Kuchiki clan bowed his head and closed his eyes. "That's good."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx


	10. Chapter 10

The Kuchiki Manor was never welcoming, Kira Izuru realized for the third time when he passed through the heavy gates. He had heard before the Kuchiki-taichou's family had always held protocol and tradition as the most important pillars of society, but to see how that belief transmuted into daily life disturbed Kira.

Servants were unheard, unseen, unconsidered; the few he had glimpsed always hurried away from sight, as if being witnessed doing their duty was somehow abhorrent. The blond understood that being discreet and modest were good traits to have in serving; being invisible made no sense.

Still, he didn't have to endure this everyday. Kuchiki-taichou, on the other hand, had to. Kira felt a fleeting sense of sympathy for the captain: somewhere, thankfully, there had to have been a small measure of warmth in the captain's life, or he wouldn't have been able to love the lady Hisana nor found the compassion to take in Rukia, or to accept Renji as a brother.

The captain was nowhere to be seen today in the room designated for their data analysis. Kira shrugged philosophically. Pulling off his footwear so as not to soil the pristine interior of the room, he got to work mapping every incident that occurred in the past twenty days.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Byakuya read through the documents his current fourth seat had prepared. She had applied for lieutenant position – apparently thinking that six years in Byakuya's service was enough reason to dare consider it – and Byakuya was assessing her suitability. Certainly she knew her stuff; the tables were well-planned, the roster laid out impeccably, and the training budgets balanced to the cent.

However, Byakuya felt uneasy assigning her the role.

With a sigh he put away the file, deciding to make the decision at the end of the week. He hated having to replace Abarai Renji, now that he could admit it without the chance of the redhead ever knowing it. Renji balanced Byakuya out. The passion and determination that drove Renji tempered the chilly calculation and precise ruthlessness that marked Byakuya's character.

This fourth seat was not going to make it. She had survived six years in his employ, but never stood out in any way. She would constantly be in his shadow, trying to anticipate his orders instead of developing a mind of her own, trying to be Byakuya.

Though he would never admit it, Byakuya liked seeing some defiance in his people. When he pushed them, he wanted to see them resist, to have them stand their ground. He would not tolerate them shoving back, of course, which was why he had been so furious when Renji tried to rescue Rukia even after he had been given specific orders. However, with the years between the incident and now, the captain could acknowledge that the then-lieutenant was just displaying the defiance that helped him rise up the ranks.

Byakuya needed someone with fire in their veins, because he knew he was a creature of ice. Hitsugaya was no match to him. If Rukia had been executed that day, Byakuya knew – he knew, completely – that he would have stood by and watched. Expressionless. Emotionless.

He wouldn't even have grieved for his adopted sister.

Not in front of the others, not where it could be witnessed. Deep within, where there was no ice, there might be sorrow, but no more than that.

Perhaps, in many people's eyes, Byakuya was a good man. But the Kuchiki noble knew himself far better, and he knew that, deep down, he was not.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Good afternoon sir. Your meal has been prepared. We have sent another to Kira-fukutaichou in the research room." The housekeeper bowed low.

Byakuya pulled off his captain's coat and handed it over. "How long has he been here?"

"Since this morning, sir."

"You are dismissed to your duties," said the noble. "I will have my meal with Kira-san."

He made his way to the room soundlessly. The door was ajar, and a low trestle had been set up in a corner with a tray of food. Kira Izuru sat with his back to the door, papers open all about him and a huge map tacked to one wall.

That was not the condition in which Byakuya left the room.

"I apologize for redecorating your wall, Kuchiki-taichou," Kira said without turning around, "but I needed a larger picture to see the pattern more clearly."

Byakuya walked over the the map. "There is a pattern already."

"Not until I color-coded them," said Kira with a respectful nod. He pasted yet another small colored disc on the map. "This isn't the latest layout of Hueco Mundo, but with Las Noches as the reference I think it's clear what the hollows are up to."

The dark-haired captain studied the map and smiled thinly. "They're fleeing Las Noches."

"They're heading outwards, to the edges," Kira concurred. "We know that Halibel had a stranglehold on power after Aizen and Ichimaru left. But this – exodus – is recent. I think there is a new power rising inside Las Noches, and these are afraid of being eaten."

"If anything I believe it's a power struggle," countered Byakuya. "The Espada Halibel wouldn't have gone down without a fight that easily. To power up further, without any external aid, would require ingesting and absorbing large numbers of their kind. If there is a power struggle, that would explain this groups heading inwards."

"Hm."

That noncommittal sound from the blond lieutenant drew Byakuya's attention.

"You do not agree," Byakuya stated.

Kira smiled without much humor. "I think that Halibel is long dead. Whatever hollow had set up base inside is using Las Noches as a fortress. Those headed there are probably the opportunistic or the dumb ones, thinking to serve a king again."

Byakuya looked at the map once more. "We won't know for sure until the ruins of Las Noches is explored again."

"In any case," said Kira, "the fleeing hollows probably attacked the shinigami out of blind panic. It's certainly not to spark off yet another war – even hollows had to have better memories than a goldfish, and the recent demise of their rulers would be news even for Hueco Mundo."

The Kuchiki noble said nothing, but he was a little surprised that Kira mentioned the traitors on his own. All the rumors of Kira being 'broken' after Ichimaru Gin were patently false; Kira Izuru wasn't a broken man. But maybe he was being presumptuous in analyzing the lieutenant – he was never close to Kira, what with Ichimaru on guard – yes, that was the attitude: Ichimaru was always on guard whenever Kira started to get close to others – and Byakuya's personal belief in never interfering.

They discussed other possible scenarios for the rest of the afternoon. The blond male noted down everything and sent the information to the First Division for Ukitake's perusal, and politely declined the noble's invitation for dinner.

"I am meeting Hinamori-san and Hitsugaya-taichou, Kuchiki-san," he said at the door. "Perhaps you might wish to join us instead?"

Byakuya hesitated before shaking his head ruefully. "It would be rude. I would like to join in the next time though; Hitsugaya-taichou's company is quite restful." He didn't continue with the rest of his statement, _unlike certain captains like, for instance, yours,_ but Kira chuckled as if he heard the remainder of Byakuya's thoughts.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Hinamori was as quiet as ever, though there was more life in her gaze and she responded with quick, fleeting smiles. It was difficult prattling on by yourself, though Kira did his best, sharing interesting anecdotes about Isshin's exploits. Hitsugaya hardly spoke himself, though now and then he chipped in with stories about Matsumoto or Karin. Both men avoided the issue of Hueco Mundo with unspoken consent; Hinamori's memories were easily invoked, and she was still completely devoted to her treacherous former captain.

After the strained meal, Hitsugaya and Kira strolled back to the officers barracks. The white-haired captain said, "Thank you for coming today. Matsumoto was not up to traveling and I wouldn't have been able to handle it myself."

That was probably as close to rousing cheers and a garland of appreciation from the young captain as was possible. Kira bowed and smiled. "Hinamori is my friend. It's not a chore to visit."

"I will see you again then." The captain turned down the path that would lead to the tenth division.

"Uh, Hitsugaya-taichou, please wait." Kira cleared his throat; Hitsugaya could be touchy when it came to Hinamori. "Would it be all right if I invited other shinigami to come along another time? For her to see other familiar faces?"

"Who do you have in mind?"

"Renji and Shuuhei, and, um, Kuchiki-taichou as well."

Hitsugaya paused. Then he nodded curtly. "Only those, and no more."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Shinigami or not, Kira was apprehensive of the dark now.

He had never really liked being surrounded by the darkness. Anything could come out of it, and being a shinigami, Kira had been attacked far too often by monstrous things with claws and fangs in the black of night for his comfort.

These days though, the fear of what might leap out in darkness was overpowered by the reluctance to be surrounded by what thoughts could be dragged to the forefront of the mind.

When there was no work, when there were no friends to be concerned about, when he was alone... memories crawled forth and swamped him with heartache. Even now, even now, he could recall with perfect clarity the way Gin looked resting against a window, the only illumination from flashes of lightning scrawling across black storm clouds.

His embrace, his smile... Kira closed his eyes and pushed away the thoughts. He brushed his teeth, brushed his hair and stepped into his tiny shower. The water was icy cold and jolted him back from the brink of sleep.

Kira wished he had something to do, anything instead of lying in bed waiting for exhaustion to claim him.

As he dried his hair at his low table, his eyes scanned the bookshelves near him. Maybe there was a book he could read...

A journal.

He gave one to Shuuhei a long time ago; Shuuhei was still using it, having replaced the papers of course, but the leather cover was the same, along with its repository for ink and a slender brush, now a fountain pen in its place.

This one was his own, a matching one that he had never shown to anyone. It had been a long time since he found it in his heart to write. What could he write? In fact, he couldn't recall the last time he cracked the leather cover open.

_You've left._

The words seared into Kira the moment he opened to the marked page. Unwillingly, his eyes trailed the words scribbled by an unsteady hand. He had to have been drunk to have written that untidily and with that much swearing.

_You've left._

_You've warned me before, that you'd trample on my trust, my respect. I thought you hadn't been serious._

_Fuck you. You were serious all along. That smile was a mask, wasn't it? You fooled me, fooled everyone with a smile._

_And yet you have been completely honest. You still follow your captain, still love him. Still love him, the way you've shown me every single fucking day. Damn it, dammit. Dammit. _

_I'm dying here, I think. I die, inch by inch. Pain blooms inside. You planted it. You planted it and watered it with sweet words and praise and goddamn lovemaking, you planted it and groomed me to yearn for you. And you rip my heart from me._

_Fuck you. I hate you. I hate – I love you. I love you, and you've left._

_Renji warned me. Shuuhei warned me. Hell, I warned myself. But like a fool, I fell in love with you. I fell in fucking love, and I told you I did._

_My world spins. I think that's because I'm drunk. But you were – are – the center of my world, so yeah, center gone, hence the spinning. Like a top._

_Everything reminds me of you. A cut. A sheet of paper. The damn budget increment request form. The fucking walls remind me of you. Even grass._

_You were every part, part of everything in my life. I relied on you and now, I fall. There's no support. Everyone is so damn kind, like I'm about to break. Like I'm nothing without you._

_Yeah, I am. So what? I don't need their pity. Don't need their sympathy._

_Need you. I need you._

_Why were you nice to me, Gin? If you had been horrible, if I had been abused or tortured as everyone seemed to think you did, then maybe I can forget all this pain. I can enjoy the lack of you. I wish I can enjoy this empty space, this... this space. Space which I don't fucking need._

_I can't feel you now. Not in anything I do. In everything I do I feel the lack of you._

_You bastard. I hope you burn in hell._

_I wanna be with you._

The very last stroke of the word had been dragged out and there was a smear of ink on the facing page; Kira supposed he had slammed the journal shut and jammed it into the bookshelf after that ramble.

He turned out the lights as he felt the stirrings of bittersweet memories swell within him. _I did not break then, I will not break now._

The difference of then and now, of Gin being elsewhere but alive and of Gin being dead and entirely unreachable, was forced down, clamped shut, discarded. Kira closed his eyes and made his way to the bed by feel.

The lack beside him was ignored. The gaping emptiness within was ignored. The tears were ignored, and left to roll down cheeks and absorbed into his pillow.

He would not break.

Tomorrow he had more things to do.

He would not break. Not for one who would never know, even if he would care.


	11. Chapter 11

"You look terrible," said Kuchiki Byakuya without preamble the next morning when Kira dragged himself to the door.

Kira blinked bleary eyes at the man at the door. "I'm sorry I did not inform you earlier about-"

The captain ignored the comment and stepped over the threshold of the house without waiting for an invitation. Kira was awake enough to recognize the uncharacteristic rudeness of the gesture. He was just too ill to say anything about it.

"You're sick. Have you sent for the fourth?"

The blond lieutenant shook his head. And immediately wished he hadn't. The migraine he settled to bed with had mated with something unholy and was now herding elephants, giraffes and probably two hundred hippopotamuses across the plains of his sanity. Or was it hippopotami?

His head spun. "I can barely form a coherent thought," Kira managed to say before he fell against the wall.

Byakuya was there in an instant, supporting Kira before the younger man could topple over. "Where is your bedroom?"

The blond man managed a weak gesture. Byakuya pulled Kira up and assisted him to the rumpled futon, and tucked the sick man in.

"I was concerned when you didn't come in this morning with the reports you said you'll give me," said the Kuchiki noble in response to an unasked question. "You've always turned up at the time stated. Your captain" here Byakuya's lovely gray eyes narrowed with remembered irritation "didn't even know you weren't there for morning drill."

Kira could only take it in partially. Thankfully the raven-haired man stopped talking and instead summoned a hell butterfly to send a message to the fourth division.

_Where did he get that butterfly? I'm nowhere near a division's message center. But his reiatsu smells nice and sweet... not too cloying... ow, my brain._

The captain had left the room, presumably to wait for the healers to arrive. Kira allowed his mind to drift; it was too much pain to try to sleep. If not for the fact that cutting his head off tended to put a crimp in his lifestyle, Kira was sorely tempted to just draw out Wabisuke and open a hole in his skull and beat that damn migraine into submission.

_Okay, blabbering again. I must be more woozy than I thought. Do I think I'm woozy? Survey says... yeah. Like a sailor in an ocean of rum._

_Yo ho ho._

The Sixth Division captain soon returned to the bedroom with two healers in tow, deferential and possibly terrified. Byakuya's expression was unreadable while the two healers took reading and concocted their potions on the spot.

With a sense of gratitude Kira drank in every drop of the vile mixture. He was susceptible to crippling migraines, courtesy of irregular sleeping hours and an overactive mind, and usually he had a bottle of that potion in his cabinet at home. However, ever since all the unhappiness with Ikkaku, he had forgotten to get his prescription topped up.

Once the healers left, Byakuya hunkered down by the side of the bed. "Are you feeling better?"

"I think so," murmured Kira drowsily. "Brain... slowing down."

The tone of the response seemed to reassure the captain and he stood up. "I will return this afternoon. In the meantime, do get some rest."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kurosaki Isshin was beginning to wonder if Ichigo really was his son. For one thing, how could his idiot son fall for this nag of a captain?

"I had no opportunity to work with you prior to your stay in the human realm. I have no idea if you were this lazy to begin with," stated Byakuya coldly, "or if your sojourn in the human realm has removed all discipline from you. I'm lodging an official complaint about the way you run this division, Kurosaki-san, for flagrant negligence."

"It's one officer sick, that's all." Isshin rolled his eyes. "Do we have to make a big production out of it?"

Byakuya's expression darkened. "He was your lieutenant, and you didn't even know." He swept out of the room, trailing stormy reiatsu.

Isshin sighed again and sent for a hell butterfly. Regardless of division autonomy, Ukitake didn't like the lieutenants mistreated in any way. He'd do better to cop to the error early before the princessy Kuchiki noble reported it.

And after that, he was going to hunt down his son to check for holes in his head.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Back in the Kuchiki manor, another Kurosaki was taking it easy. His lover had gone visiting around Soul Society and Ichigo liked having time to sit and do nothing, even for a bit. Urahara could take days to get back from whatever scrape Yoruichi or Kuukaku conjured up for the blond genius and the younger Kurosaki took it all in stride. Besides, being a guest at the Kuchiki manor meant being waited on hand and foot. Ichigo wasn't about to pass up such a chance.

Byakuya had returned from the office, armed with an armful of rolled up papers. Ichigo sipped his warm sake carefully, having learned caution after an incident involving Urahara, Kyoraku Shunsui, a kite and mozarella cheese.

"You did tell my dad off, right?" he queried Byakuya. "About Kira?"

The captain nodded as he shucked out of his robe. "He came to see you?"

"I could feel his reiatsu slamming into me from outside the gates," said Ichigo in a breezy tone. He lay back against the cool wall and picked up another piece of chikuwa from the oden prepared specially for him. "I added my bit to the scolding."

"Thank you," said Byakuya dryly. He frowned as he stared at the steaming hot pot in front of the redhead. "Maybe I ought to have oden prepared..."

Puzzled, Ichigo tilted his head. "You're not having lunch here? I thought you brought all your work back for a reason."

"No. I promised Kira-san I'd see him again in the afternoon. I don't think he's had his lunch yet, if my surmise is accurate, and I can always work later into the evening. Enjoy your lunch, Ichigo."

As Byakuya sent instructions to the kitchen, Ichigo smiled into his hot sake. Too bad he had to leave the day after; he had to return to his internship at a literary magazine.

_It's good to see Byakuya_, he thought, _and even better to see that he's less of an iceberg than before._

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Though his migraine had faded to a barely-present throb, Kira had yet to take lunch until Byakuya turned up with a chef who followed along to prepare meals in Kira's very rudimentary kitchen. The blond lieutenant was mortified by Byakuya's invasion, yet he could not help feeling grateful.

"I can do that for myself, really," he protested weakly, but was silenced by the famed Kuchiki glare. Kira was beginning to see why Byakuya's subordinates respected him so much, and why Renji liked him so much also. The noble saw what needed doing and did it, without hemming or hawing or expecting recognition for it. Since Kira was the beneficiary here, he was not about to protest overmuch.

The oden was filled with the freshest ingredients Kira had ever tasted. If being rich meant you ate like this daily, Kira was willing to sell – well, maybe not his soul, but perhaps a lifetime or two – to enjoy it. Being an amateur cook himself, he knew the value of good food, and relished the delicious flavors the Kuchiki chef brought forth. Once the lunch was served for both men, the chef left. Kira didn't even get to thank the man properly.

"Do you feel better?" asked Byakuya after the blond man leaned back in his chair with a satisfied sigh.

"Yes, thank you. The lunch was amazing." Kira beamed with genuine gladness.

The captain risked a faint smile. "I can tell. I'm glad you enjoyed it." Then his expression turned serious. "I came to inform you that the soutaichou has looked over our preliminary findings and he agrees with your assessment."

Kira was flattered. "That's good to hear. What is his decision?"

"He has yet to come to one. Renji and Kyoraku-san have not presented him with their findings yet. However, I want to run some ideas by you before Ukitake-san decides what to do."

The younger man regarded the serious, dark-haired captain. He nodded and pulled a journal out from a shelf. When he flipped it open, Byakuya noted there were a few pages that were ripped out roughly.

_I wonder what used to be written there..._

Kira waited for Byakuya to start. The captain brushed his fingers over his mouth as he considered how to begin.

"Kira-san," he said quietly, "I want to visit Hueco Mundo. More specifically, Las Noches."

The lieutenant stopped breathing for a moment. He swallowed and forced himself to relax. "Kuchiki-san, there is nothing there. It has probably been gutted by now."

"If I understand Aizen, and I have studied him these past few years," said Byakuya, "he is someone with secrets within secrets. I am certain there's something in Las Noches that was, and remains hidden from his underlings."

Kira shoved away from the table. With great difficulty he restrained the swear words that threatened to spill from his mouth; living with Ikkaku had educated Kira in certain thuggish ways. His reaction did not startle Byakuya, however; the Kuchiki noble merely waited for Kira to regain his composure.

"I nearly died in there," Kira managed to say without rancor. "I was – I was nearly killed. By Gin. Inside Las Noches, I nearly died at the hands of a man... I nearly died in Las Noches."

Byakuya tone was serene. "You didn't."

"You don't understand!" Kira whirled about and his large blue eyes pinned Byakuya to his seat. It was the gaze of a man haunted. "In Las Noches, I met an Ichimaru Gin that I did not know. I – I didn't know him, and I had lived with him for nearly half a century by then! Do you have any idea how it feels to meet someone you love and yet not know him? Kuchiki-san, I cannot do this. Even if the soutaichou orders it, I cannot go. I will not."

"Really?" Byakuya laced his fingers together. "You have the courage to forgive them their trespasses but not the bravery to see how they lived?"

That robbed Kira of words. He met Byakuya's calm gray gaze and they held the look for a long while. Finally Kira spoke.

"I forgave them because it was the right thing to do." The blond lieutenant bit his lower lip. "if I didn't, I would have hated myself forever. That I couldn't live with. When I came back after... after that first foray, I knew I had to make peace with them. With Gin. That was my choice. And so is this: I will not set foot in Las Noches again, not unless Soul Society's existence depends on my being there."

Byakuya breathed out slowly. He was silent, as if considering some options, before he responded. "I respect your opinions, Kira-san," said Byakuya. "There is another matter also."

Kira waited.

"After examining your official records and your performance reviews, I believe you are not suited to being a lieutenant at the Third Division under Kurosaki-taichou."

The blond furrowed his brows. "My reviews have always been exemplary, even those from external assessors."

"Precisely my point," said Byakuya with annoying equanimity. "Kurosaki-san is not the kind of captain who will develop your talents, Kira-san. I am asking for you to consider the Sixth Division."

The younger man's mouth was open. He had been about to defend Kurosaki Isshin, but now he was stunned by the honor Byakuya was offering. The only one who had ever stayed for longer than six months as Sixth Division lieutenant was Abarai Renji, and no one had ever been invited by Byakuya to consider a post in the division.

"If I leave the third Division – I'm not saying that I will, but _if –_ who is going to take my place?" asked Kira. He had held the division together after the betrayal, and so he felt no shame in his proprietary possessiveness. "I know the teams inside and out. Everything works now because my seated officers and I have structured it so. If I go, the division will be thrown into chaos."

"No it won't. Shintate Kumiko has great organizational skills. I will recommend her to Kurosaki-san if you come to the Sixth."

"If she is so good, why not have her as your lieutenant?"

There was an actual blush staining the tips of Byakuya's ears. "She is good, and she is also single. Shintate-san knows the way I like things to work almost too well, to the point that she anticipates my orders."

To his own surprise, Kira smiled. "You think she is obsessed about you."

"I would not want to risk the possibility."

"I see." Kira pondered the implications of leaving the Third. To be honest, working there was not bad, because he was so used to its procedures, but on a bad day Kira was reminded of happier times just by smelling the office air. "I will consider your offer, Kuchiki-san."

Byakuya smiled for real this time and stood up. "I hope that you will give me a favorable reply, Kira-san. Thus far, I have enjoyed working with you on the Hueco Mundo project. I hope to work with you more." He inclined his head politely. "I leave you with the rest of the ingredients for your dinner. Good afternoon to you."

"Good afternoon," replied Kira. He bowed respectfully at the door. "And thank you, Kuchiki-san."

Byakuya graced him with a partial smile again. "You're welcome."


	12. Chapter 12

"What the fuck is the big idea?"

"A good afternoon to you too, Kurosaki-taichou," said Byakuya with ineffable serenity. "I suppose this is not a social visit."

Isshin sat right in front of the sixth division captain without waiting for an invitation. "Why the hell are you trying to poach my lieutenant?"

"Because I have need of his skills." The noble's gray eyes were lit with an inner amusement at Isshin's obvious irritation. "But I can trade you another shinigami who has lieutenant potential."

"Why not keep him for yourself?" Isshin retorted.

Byakuya raised an eyebrow. "_She_ will work better for your obvious charm and charismatic leadership, whereas I do not know how to communicate with such as her. An experienced leader such as you will be more beneficial to her career."

The compliments did what Ichigo told Byakuya would: Isshin practically swelled up with an inflated ego. The captain tossed his head back and smirked. "You could have clarified with me before making him the offer."

"I wanted to see if Kira was interested in the offer," replied Byakuya. He definitely owed Ichigo a word of thanks; it could have been a long, tedious argument otherwise. "If he had not indicated that he did not mind a transfer, I would not wish to raise the issue."

Isshin narrowed his dark eyes, for a second uncharacteristically shrewd and astute. "You aren't doing this because of personal feelings, are you?"

Byakuya matched him stare for stare. "I do not harbor inappropriate feelings for Kira."

"Because if you do," Isshin went on, still with that severe expression on his face, "I will kick your ass seven ways to hell and back again."

The Kuchiki noble tilted his head. He didn't know that Isshin was that protective of Kira.

The other captain pushed to his feet. "He's been through enough grief with one captain; don't you _dare_ use your position to force him into a relationship."

Byakuya risked a thin smile. "I think you misread Kira, Kurosaki-taichou, but I will take your advice to heart. Good day to you."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"So it's done?"

"Done deal."

"Thanks. I did wonder if he'll see it through after I heard about it."

"Nah, never doubted it. Hey, you owe me a good one, man. I made myself a jerk for this."

"What are you talking about? You've always been a jerk."

"Fuck you."

"Language, sir, language. Your long stay in the human realm has taught you some bad manners."

"Anyway, I don't think it's gonna turn out the way you want it to. He's not interested."

"He's not the most forthcoming about his real emotions, in case you haven't realized."

"In case _you_ haven't realized, that stick up his arse has been shortened significantly after he dated my son."

"I hope you're right."

"Me too. Now where's the sake?"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Renji could not believe his ears when he heard the announcement at the fortnightly All Captain's meeting. Yet, the subtly triumphant glint in Byakuya's eyes demonstrated the truth of that matter. It baffled Renji why Byakuya would wrestle Kira away from the Third Division; Kira had given his shinigami life to that division and shaped it into the intent, focused division it was today.

Opposite the desk, Shuuhei had frowned once before he smiled widely at Kurosaki Isshin. _That's interesting_, Renji thought. The only person who knew Kira better than Renji was Shuuhei, and if Shuuhei didn't seem too concerned then Renji wouldn't be, either.

After the meeting, Shuuhei caught up with his lover and pulled him aside. "Hey, I saw your face just now. Don't go asking Kira, all right?"

"I was looking at your face. I won't ask if you don't think it's much of a concern." The red-haired captain cast a brief glance over his shoulder at his former captain. "It's just... he's never been concerned about other people, you know, not... obviously. This whole business about getting Kira to swap divisions sounds fishy."

"You know him best," said Shuuhei quietly. The dark-haired shinigami captain schooled his emotions and added, "Maybe you can approach him to find out what he's planning."

Perhaps Renji was too distracted by his friend's transfer to notice the odd note in Shuuhei's voice. "I don't think so. He won't tell me anyway."

"He might."

"I doubt it."

They fell in step as they headed for the eighth division offices. It was a familiar silence that fell between them now; they nodded at a few acquaintances here and there until they came to Kyoraku's division.

Shuuhei took a deep breath. "Renji, you know I love you, right?"

"I know that," answered the redhead, slightly surprised by the sudden declaration.

"Good." Shuuhei smiled and touched Renji's hand, the ring on his finger, and strode off to his own office. "Then go to Kuchiki-san and ask him about Kira. Else you're just gonna fret."

Renji watched Shuuhei disappear around the block. He knew that Shuuhei was still a little uncomfortable with the idea of Kuchiki Byakuya acknowledging Renji as a brother. It was sign of acceptance into nobility; Shuuhei never got over his self-identification as a street rat made good. Still, his spouse was right. Renji would be bothered about Byakuya and Kira until he could figure it out.

_Ah fuck it. I've never been known for my tact._ Renji took a deep breath and strode towards the sixth division. He'd wait the whole day if he had to.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kuchiki Byakuya had been waiting for his former lieutenant. Already he had ordered a subordinate to brew up some proper tea and bring in the snacks.

"I never know how you know, but this time round I'm glad you know." Renji risked a small smile at the noble. "Good afternoon, Nii-sama."

"Good afternoon. Have a seat and help yourself," said Byakuya, pushing the dish of taiyaki closer to Renji. "These are the finest I could locate in Seireitei."

Renji sat down. "Why?"

Byakuya sipped his tea. "Because I know you like them."

"I meant," said Renji with a vague wave of his hand, "why do you want Kira to be in your division under your command?"

"Direct as ever."

"Don't change the subject." Renji waved a scolding finger, only half in jest.

Byakuya half-smiled, like he found something amusing. "Ukitake-soutaichou has been trying to matchmake him and me. I thought I'd make it simpler by transferring Kira. Otherwise I'll have to sit through another inane plot to find me a suitable mate dreamed up by the oldest children in Seireitei."

Renji's hand had paused in mid-air while holding a taiyaki. "Ukitake-soutaichou...?"

"Yes."

"And Kira?"

"Yes."

"But you..." Renji frowned, trying to make sense of things, "you don't like Kira, right?"

"I like him," Byakuya stated calmly, "as a person. I don't think of him as a potential lover, if that's what you're saying. Don't worry, Renji. I know what I'm doing."

_That's what I _am_ worried about. _The redheaded captain kept the thought to himself, nodded and ate the snack.

It really was very good.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Next to visit was Kurosaki Isshin. This time round Byakuya prepared beer and peanuts for his guest. Isshin didn't acknowledge the thoughtful gesture beyond a curt nod.

"Let's just talk," the older man said. "Friendly-like. Not as captains. And thanks for the beer, but I won't be having any."

Byakuya inclined his head. "All right."

"Kira Izuru is a special young man." Ishhin grinned, showing all his teeth and resembling Zaraki for a second. "He's been through a lot of shit, a bit more than most."

"I understand that," said Byakuya.

"And most of the shit he's been through was with that bastard captain Ichimaru Gin." Isshin's grin had snapped shut. "Yet he still has an inclination to trust his captains a little too much."

Byakuya waited.

Isshin leaned forward and said in a voice so quiet that even the dark-haired noble had to strain to hear it, "Once again, a fair warning. If you dare to give Kira grief, I will thrash you five ways to hell."

"You didn't threaten me for Ichigo," said Byakuya. "And I thought you said seven ways, there and back again."

"He needed a romantic heartbreak to mature," said Isshin, waving aside that consideration, "and the discount is because I'm in a good mood."

Though he disagreed with the first statement and distrusted the second, the younger captain nodded. "Kira will be in good hands, Kurosaki-san."

Isshin grunted, and got up. "He had better be."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira raised his eyebrows when Shuuhei popped into his office. The captain glanced around.

"No one to help you pack?" asked Shuuhei, taking a chair opposite Kira's desk.

The blond smiled. "You're here."

"Fine, fine." Shuuhei started sweeping miscellanea into a handy box. "Are you excited?"

"Not really," said Kira. "It's something different, that's all."

Shuuhei pulled out a dusty old file and patted it vaguely. "It's the first time I heard of Kuchiki-san actively wooing a shinigami from another division."

"He did it for Renji too," Kira reminded, taking that dusty file from Shuuhei and tossing it into a larger box behind him.

"Then why aren't you excited?"

"Because Kuchiki-san – I guess it's Kuchiki-taichou from now on – has an ulterior motive," said Kira airily.

Shuuhei put down the box and took up another one, this time for books. "And you know what the ulterior motive is?"

"He says it's because of the lieutenant potential that may be stalking him," Kira explained. "I doubt it's the reason though."

Now Shuuhei was intrigued. "What is the reason then?"

Kira stared into space, apparently lost for thought. Finally he said, "I'm not sure yet. But it's far more complex than a girl who has a crush on him. He's handled so many of those already, one more can't make a difference."

"Is that the reason he gave for asking you to his division?"

"Yes."

Shuuhei shook his head. "He's really bad at lying, isn't he?"

Kira smiled and shrugged. "I played along. I want to know why he wants me. In his division," he clarified when he noticed the odd look his best friend shot him. "I don't feel anything romantic for him, Shuu. Not my type."

"He is beautiful," said Shuuhei. A wicked gleam was in his eyes now. "And rich. And strong, very strong."

"The way you speak, you might be the one crushing on him," teased Kira. He hefted his heaviest box and led the way out of the office. "Come on. I still need to unpack."

"Yes, yes..."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

When he was left alone at the new office, Kira Izuru thought about his lack of resistance to the move.

Five years ago – heck, a year ago, even – anyone who suggested that Kira should get a change of scenery would find themselves firmly and definitely ushered out of his circle of friends. The blond believed that he embodied the Third's beliefs: the despair of war, the despair of struggle, the despair of life.

_It is in despair that we start searching for new answers. Only when you've made it through the abyss of despair, then can you find new hope. _

Kira smiled sadly. That had been Aizen's reply when Kira asked about the significance of the Third's insignia, and why it meant what it meant. Gin had ignored the question and never once alluded to the meaning of the flower representing the Third division.

Did Kira want a change? He couldn't answer honestly; the conflicting feelings warred deep within. He longed to stay where he had started, where the memories were, but he also knew that he needed to move on.

Sighing he got around to unpacking his files and personal belongings. There were not much of his own memorabilia. Most of what he had brought with him were documents he had compiled over the years pertaining to designing a training schedule, workshop materials on developing leaders and other such matters. They were his own notes, but he doubted they could be counted as personal stuff really, since they were related to work, and he was definitely in need of some rest because he was babbling to himself.

He kneaded his temples. Sinking into a seat, Kira wondered if he really was prepared to take on Kuchiki Byakuya's strange fancies.


	13. Chapter 13

"The data has been compiled," said Tessai. He looked rather odd in his twelfth division regalia, but his informal apprenticeship under Urahara Kisuke had taught him some tricks. His dual role as kido corps commander and twelfth division captain made some uneasy, but he had made it clear that once Nemu or any other worthy shinigami attained bankai, he would cede the place. The research bureau had become more efficient and less terrifying under his charge, and Kurotsuchi Nemu now thought a little for herself. "With corroborating evidence from the shinigami on duty from the fourth and seventh divisions, and observations from Abarai-san, Kyoraku-san, Kuchiki-san and Kira-san, I believe we can form a hypothesis."

Ukitake sounded like he had gone over the information before which, since he was the new soutaichou, he probably had. "Komamura-san, please report."

"We noticed that many of the hollows that entered came out a pale shadow of what they were before they entered, and there were many who entered and did not exit." The rumble of the large captain's voice was reassuring in its matter-of-factness. "When we sent a recon team in, they did not return."

_So much for reassuring,_ thought Kira.

"The good news is that we did not detect vasto lordes," said Komamura, "and the bad news is that all the immense reiatsu came from the inner compound of Las Noches."

"It is incongruent with the reiatsu of the Espada known as Halibel," said Unohana calmly. "We couldn't match it to any other Espada."

Soifon leaned back in her chair. "Has there been a match to anything in our database?"

"Yes."

That made almost every captain sit up. Madarame narrowed his eyes. "A match to what?"

"I should say matches," said Komamura. "It matched a number of shinigami reiatsu – including our recent recon team, and lower level reiatsu. It fluctuates, flickers through all of these, like it was jumping from channel to channel."

"Channel surfing," muttered Kurosaki. He glanced around. "It's a modern world reference. Don't bother."

Soifon shook her head. "That would imply that all of them are working together."

"No, there will be an underlying constant," said Byakuya quietly. "No matter how much the signature changes, it will be – for lack of a better analogy – the same hand signing them."

Kira leaned forward to murmur something to his new captain. Byakuya inclined his head and then added, "Kira says that if there is no sign of Espada reiatsu, it is likely that they have not succumbed to whatever that is within Las Noches."

"Good thinking," said Kurosaki. "Jyuushiro, we might need to make contact with them."

"There is no way we are working with hollows," snapped Soifon. "Have you forgotten that they stood with the traitors?"

"They have only ever stood on their own side," said Kurosaki. "Aizen, Ichimaru and Tousen betrayed their own kind, but the hollows have never subscribed to any set of beliefs long enough to betray them."

Byakuya raised a finger. "One point I'd like to correct: they do subscribe to a simplistic belief."

Ikkaku frowned. "Which is?"

Byakuya didn't rise to the bored and annoyed tone Madarame adopted. Instead, he looked squarely in the soutaichou's eyes. "Survival of the strongest."

"Is it necessary to work with Espada then?" asked Renji. He glanced around the table. "For all we know, they are the ones who are orchestrating this."

"That's right," said Hisagi. "It's not like there's any love lost between the two camps. Their reiatsu may not register simply because they've locked it down."

"Possibly." Hitsugaya drummed his fingers on the table. Now lean and about Byakuya's height, he commanded almost as much respect as did any other captain, and Ukitake finally stopped bombarding him with sweets. "Komamura-san, what other information do you have that might enlighten us further?"

It was Tessai who responded. "I looked over the two teams' analysis and I think it's safe to say that we must put a stop to the reiatsu presence growing in Las Noches. The weaker hollows are being decimated and the stronger ones are homing in; it's only a matter of time before it attracts the vasto lordes. We will not be able to hold them back if more than eight appear."

"And thus I think the logical conclusion is to act soon, captains." Ukitake folded his arms and sighed heavily. "I hesitate to send lower ranking officers; the recon team was made up of fifth-seats to eighth-seats, and even they had difficulties."

Hisagi raised a hand. "Captains and lieutenants? In case it is run by the Espadas, we have a stronger chance of returning."

"It's a risk," enunciated Kyoraku slowly, "that we might lose captain-level shinigami."

Kurosaki snorted. "In every battle there is such a risk. Why else be a captain? If we are to cower behind the lower seats we might as well relabel ourselves the Gotei Thirteen Cowards."

"Point taken, if crudely put." Ukitake smiled at his old friend. "In this case, we should send a recon pair – a captain and lieutenant, perhaps – and a liaison team. I would recommend Hitsugaya-taichou, Abarai-taichou and-"

"I wish to volunteer," Byakuya cut in. "Along with my lieutenant."

Twenty-five pairs of eyes stared incredulously at the Kuchiki noble. He was unperturbed. However, there was one pair of eyes he could not meet, and Kira thought whether he ought to twist Byakuya's head around just to see the expression in the noble's eyes.

Ukitake was the first to regain his composure. "Uh, given the lack of contact you had with the Espada before it might not be wise..." he trailed off, unsure of how to resume.

Byakuya exhaled slowly. "I had the least contact, so I ought to take the reconnaissance mission."

"Then any of us can go too," put in Hisagi. He glanced at Kira behind the Kuchiki noble. "I can go."

"My lieutenant has unique insight into the person who designed the layout of Las Noches."

This time Kira froze when all faces turned to him. A blush started to creep up his body and he steeled himself. _So this is what he has been planning._

With barely a pause, Kuchiki Byakuya went on and explained, "From the notes Urahara gathered in his study of Aizen's journals, Ichimaru played a major part in determining the structure of Las Noches. If we had the layout itself I would not venture forth, but as of this moment there is no one else who understands the mind of the architect better than Kira Izuru."

Again with the stares; Kira knew his face was completely red by now, and he also knew that most people in the room would mistake his flush for embarrassment. Only Ikkaku, Hisagi and Renji seemed to have understood and were exchanging urgent glances, no doubt trying to figure out how to defuse the situation without disparaging Kuchiki Byakuya's initiative.

"Well, if you feel so strongly-" Ukitake began, but Kira interrupted him by standing up.

"Ukitake-soutaichou, Kuchiki-taichou," he said, his face burning and his eyes staring at the dark head of hair right in front of him, "with all due respect, I think I have something to add to the suggestion just made."

The white-haired captain-general gestured for Kira to continue. Renji closed his eyes and shook his head slightly; Hisagi sucked in his breath softly and pursed his lips. Ikkaku covered his mouth, his gaze desperately trying to signal Ukitake to intercept.

Kira squared his shoulders. "Take the suggestion and stuff it where the sun doesn't shine."

Now he had the attention of everyone bar his own new captain. Byakuya hadn't even shifted in his seat.

"I will not step into Hueco Mundo unless there is a damn good reason, and thus far I haven't heard it," Kira went on, blazing with anger. "Just because I was intimate with Gin doesn't mean I could read his mind. If I did, do you honestly think I wouldn't have alerted anyone about their defection? That I would have stepped aside while we planned our defenses against the first assault? Don't be stupid."

"Kira," Ikkaku started placatingly, but the blond ignored him.

"Kuchiki-san, consider this moment my resignation. You want to play mind games, find some other person, because you're years too late for _my_ mind and let me tell you, you can't hold a candle to that man. Not when it comes to screwing with people's heads."

With that statement flung at the back of Byakuya's head, Kira slipped around his chair and stormed out of the meeting room, leaving behind a dense, awkward silence.

After almost two minutes of stunned amazement, Hisagi pushed away from the table. "I'll, uh, talk to him and, ah, I don't know. Get him to withdraw his resignation or something."

Ikkaku got up too. He stared at Byakuya, his smirk almost but not quite condescending. "Way to piss Kira off, Kuchiki. It takes a hell lotta balls to do it, and a helluva lot more groveling for him to get over it."

Byakuya's frosty stare narrowed. "If you think I will beg for a mere lieutenant to return-"

"All right, meeting adjourned," Kyoraku called out quickly before things got out of hand. "Out, out everyone. Jyuu-chan needs his rest."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira practically trailed smoke as he headed to his room. Fuck Byakuya and his high-handed way of managing! Did he really think that, just because Kira was now his lieutenant, he would listen to any instructions given? Did he really think that Kira would head back to Las Noches? There was nothing in this world that would force him back there!

He heard and registered the rush of familiar reiatsu coming from behind him. For a second he debated whether to _shunpo_ off.

"Kira." Hisagi had caught up and stopped the blond's angry trek back home. "Kira, hey. Calm down."

"Calm down? _Calm down? _He knew – he bloody well _knows_ – how I feel about the place. I told him, Shuuhei, I told him exactly what it would take for me to go back in that place. Unless all of Soul Society's safety relied on me entering it, I will not set foot in Las Noches!" shouted Kira, his rage exploding even though he knew Hisagi was there as a friend. "He overstepped his bounds, Shuu, and if no one is about to put him straight then I will!"

Hisagi raised his hands, palms out in a conciliatory gesture. "You have, trust me. You have. Look, you're in no shape to go back to your rooms, you're bound to meet some other idiot who'll ask you about today's meeting. Come back to my place, how about that? You know Renji won't mind."

"Shuu-" Kira inhaled strongly and then deflated. "I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"That's okay." Hisagi shrugged. "Come over?"

"All right." Kira shook his head. "It's not like I can do anything else today."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Renji wondered if he should knock again. After the meeting, the captains had dispersed and Byakuya had disappeared almost immediately. Renji had scanned with his reiatsu and located Byakuya in his own mansion. Although he wasn't sure of his welcome, he knew that the family servants would not bar him from its grounds since he was technically part of the clan. When he headed to Byakuya's study, the doors were resolutely shut. Renji's presence was announced and then the servant left him there by the door.

Already Renji had waited for nearly twenty-five minutes.

"Come in." The cool, clipped tones of Renji's former captain did not sound quite as detached and professional as it usually did. The redheaded captain went into the study, thankful that persistence was one of his better traits.

Byakuya had changed into his casual outfit -as casual as a Kuchiki got, anyway – and was seated at the open door to the garden. He barely turned his head to acknowledge Renji. The redhead stepped over and seated himself, knowing a Kuchiki invitation when he saw one.

"Why have you come?" asked Byakuya calmly, sipping a cup of tea. He gestured to the other cup next to Renji.

Renji sighed. "You really messed up just now."

_That was blunt, _thought Byakuya. In the past, Renji would need a lot to push him into being this frank with his captain; now there was a bond deeper than former colleagues that existed between them and allowed both to speak openly. He set his cup down. "I don't understand why."

"I always thought that Kira had a hard time with Ichimaru," said Renji quietly, "but he always defended Ichimaru. I didn't know why either until after the traitors' defection."

"He confided in you." Byakuya's serene gaze held an underlying curiosity.

"He was drunk," Renji elaborated, "and he told us that he learned how to be strong because Ichimaru taught him how to accept his inner darkness. Wabisuke is not an easy sword to live with and it was Ichimaru that helped Kira become a good soldier. Add to that the fact that Ichimaru had been Kira's protector right from our academy days and lover after he graduated and you have a severe case of hero worship."

"I remember when Kira was drugged and attacked," said Byakuya slowly, "and I remember hearing that Ichimaru killed the person who orchestrated the assault."

"Yeah, in front of many captains," Renji said. "It was never a one-way street, Nii-sama. Though Ichimaru probably never loved Kira, he was very fond of him."

"So what does that have to do with Las Noches?" asked Byakuya. He was genuinely puzzled.

Renji shrugged. "Kira sees things differently than you or me. He probably doesn't wanna be reminded of the traitor Ichimaru, but only of the captain Ichimaru."

"They are the same person."

"Not to him." The redhead sighed again. "Have you never felt for others before, Nii-sama? Try to see things from his perspective."

Byakuya's silent response was answer enough. Renji shook his head and regarded his former captain. For a moment he thought he was back in his lieutenant days, sitting next to his captain listening to instructions or waiting for Byakuya to inform him of the tasks the Sixth had to accomplish that week.

When Renji's face was suddenly touched by a cool, smooth hand, he was startled out of his recollections. Byakuya's expression was inscrutable.

"Nii-sama?" murmured Renji.

"I felt for you before." Byakuya half-smiled, almost sadly. "I remember you almost died. In Las Noches."

Renji felt his throat constrict. He had almost died, but didn't – because Rukia had dashed out of nowhere to take the blow meant for him.

"I remember how she fell," whispered Byakuya, his eyes mirroring the deep sorrow in Renji's own. "I remember wanting to kill him, but more than that I remember I wanted you to be the one to do so."

"Me?" echoed Renji numbly.

"Yes, you," said Byakuya. "In one instant he took away everything that made you who you are: your fire, your passion, your determination, your love, your motivation. Your will. He took Rukia and that took everything away from you. I was blinded by fury for his callous destruction of all I admired in you."

Renji blinked. "You never told me that."

"What would you have done, Renji? I feared you would see me as another Rukia," said Byakuya softly. "I was too close to you and to her, and I didn't want to tell you who you are supposed to be."

"So you let me try to find myself again..."

"... and nudged Hisagi your way also," admitted Byakuya, letting his hand fall from Renji's face. "And today I finally see that you have become whole again. He has done an admirable job."

This was the most Byakuya had ever confided in him and Renji felt his heart swell with emotion.

_It is time to take care of myself. It is time to heal. _Byakuya closed his eyes and exhaled. "Too often have I not said the things I needed to say. This is my first step."

"First step to what?"

"To recovery," answered Byakuya, and gazed out into the garden. "There will always be sakura; they will always fall. And the next year there will be sakura again."

There was no sakura blooming in the garden now, but Renji recognized the tree flourishing in the small yard for the study.

Byakuya breathed deeply again and stood up. Renji looked at the noble, puzzled. Byakuya held a hand out to the other captain.

"Come," he said. "Let us find Kira, so that I can apologize to him."


	14. Chapter 14

Kira stirred the pot of beef stew simmering on the stove. The tiny closet that Shuuhei and Renji called a kitchen was warm and stifling, so Kira opted to change into Shuuhei's old yukata rather than stay in his own thick uniform. The apron he had on was a plain yellow one with a bunny embroidered in the corner and was rather too small; it had been Rukia's. Kira thought it was a good sign. Renij had moved out from the shadow of his loss into the warm and accepting love of Hisagi Shuuhei.

"How's the stew?" asked Shuuhei when he peered into the kitchen.

"It's doing fine," Kira assured. Then he frowned. "Why am I, the guest, cooking?"

"You want to eat _my _cooking?" Shuuhei asked with an eyebrow raised cheekily.

The blond glared at his best friend and sighed. "Fine. So long as I'm not washing up as well."

"Thanks. I'll be doing the laundry in the back." The older shinigami disappeared from sight and left Kira alone. Kira checked on the steamer basket, and then took the vegetables out of the sink where they had been left to drip dry.

Just as he put a wok on the stove for a quick stir-fry, he heard the main door open and Renji call out, "I'm home!"

Kira wiped his hands and stepped out of the kitchen. "Shuuhei's in the... back." He licked his lips and the smile faded from his face. "Kuchiki-taichou."

"Kira-fukutaichou," replied Byakuya, his gray eyes meeting Kira's cold blue ones.

The blond shinigami returned his attention to Renji. "The rice is almost ready, the stew is perfect, and all you have to do is fry up the vegetables. I'm going home. Shuuhei, I'm off!" he called out the last statement and then tugged the yellow apron off.

Shuuhei emerged from the back. "What? Why?" Then he saw his spouse in the doorway with Byakuya. "Oh."

Kira stalked out of the kitchen and tugged on his sandals at the entryway, doing his best to ignore the hulk of Abarai Renji and the intense presence of Kuchiki Byakuya. He did a great job at it too. "Shuuhei, I'll return your yukata another day after I've washed it. I've lost my appetite tonight."

"Kira, come on," Shuuhei pleaded, then glared at Renji. _Say something, _he murmured.

The redhead stared back and mouthed an annoyed query, but before he could stop Kira from leaving, Byakuy had put out a hand to stop Kira.

The blond lieutenant did not look at the captain. "Excuse me."

"I would like to apologize, Kira," said Byakuya.

That made Shuuhei and Renji stare at the noble; Kira remained motionless.

Byakuya inclined his head slightly. "I did not take your words seriously enough and I was in error of presuming you would go against your principles. I apologize for that."

Kira kept still.

The captain went on. "I will still go to Las Noches."

Now Renji reacted. "You can't be serious-"

"- and I hope you will retract your resignation and watch over the division in my stead," Byakuya completed, ignoring his former lieutenant. "I know you are more than capable of holding your own in lieu of a captain, and there are very few in the Gotei who do not respect your capabilities, even if they do not understand your allegiances."

Kira still did not respond. Instead, he walked out of Renji and Shuuhei's home and made a beeline for his own.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Byakuya did not stay for dinner, leaving Renji and Shuuhei with enough for another meal the next day.

"Something's off about them," Renji commented as he washed up and passed the wet dishes to his spouse.

Shuuhei dried the plate and put it in the rack. "You mean Kira and Nii-sama?"

"Yep."

Shuuhei frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I meant Nii-sama isn't himself. He was acting odd earlier and..." Renji trailed off. He looked thoughtful.

"Acting odd?"

The taller of the two men paused in his actions. He considered his words and then slowly explained, "He said he... felt for me... when Rukia died, he _felt_ for me. But he never told me anything until today."

Shuuhei felt his throat constrict. "What did he mean, felt for you?"

"He felt angry," said Renji, meeting his lover's eyes, "that I was reduced to an empty shell by Rukia's death. He was angry for me; I think that was the first time in his life he ever empathized with anybody."

Shuuhei shook his head. "That doesn't make sense. He has to have empathized with someone before. How else could he have fallen in love?"

"Does falling in love imply empathy?"

"I suppose." Shuuhei tilted his head at his lover and smiled tenderly. "Kinda deep discussion we're having at this time of the night."

Renji laughed softly and kissed Shuuhei, and that led to a deeper kiss, and so it was very much later in the middle of the night when they resumed their conversation. Shuuhei tangled his hand into thick ruby hair and sighed deeply, his breath mingling with Renji's warm exhalations.

"Renji," began the older shinigami, and then paused. How was he to phrase his statement? He tried again. "Renji, do you think Kuchiki-san ever loved you?"

Renji nuzzled closer. After a few moments he said, "I don't know for sure. I know he and I have a – intimate connection – but I don't think he ever loved me. I mean, sure, we've almost, um, well, almost had sex a couple of times before I got engaged to Rukia, and after..."

Shuuhei knew why Renji trailed off and kissed him on the lips encouragingly. "All three of us know he needed you then."

"... and you are the most amazing man in existence." The redhead swallowed and touched Shuuhei's cheek. "Thank you for accepting that part of me."

"It was never an issue, Renji. He needed you." Shuuhei kissed his spouse again, trying to convey the depth of his feelings.

After Rukia's death, for months, Renji had sunk into a deep depression. Contrary to Ichigo's supposition, Byakuya did try to connect with Renji at first, but their mutual grief did nothing to ease their pain. It was only after Shuuhei and Ichigo's intervention that Renji walked out of the shadow. Once he felt ready to handle his own emotions, Renji had returned to assist Byakuya, offering him solace and a measure of peace. Renji was never good with words; he held Byakuya through the nights when the older male could not sleep, he embraced Byakuya when the noble shook with remembered and accumulated sorrow, he comforted a lonely and aching Byakuya using his own body.

After a while Renji spoke again. "Shuu, can I go into Las Noches with him?"

Shuuhei smiled to himself in the dark. He had been anticipating the question since dinner. "You won't be able to rest properly otherwise, would you?"

"No."

"Then make sure you return home in one piece," Shuuhei murmured, and pressed his mouth over his lover's. Renji responded with equal fervor and both decided to forgo the rest of the night in favor of more interesting activities.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira sat in his study in the dark. It was near three in the morning and he was still undecided.

Most of the time he kept his temper well in check. Only in rare situations did he release his control; few have tested his patience to that extent.

Yet he had lost it at the slightest provocation from Kuchiki Byakuya. However, not only had the captain not rebuked him, he even apologized. Kira buried his face in his hands, feeling confusion flooding his mind. How was he to respond to that?

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"I understand." Ukitake Jyuushiro linked his fingers together and hummed under his breath. "You are certain on this?"

"Yes."

"Then we will make the arrangements."

Byakuya nodded once more and stepped out of the large office. Though Ukitake's presence made the space a little more welcoming than it had been under Yamamoto's auspices, the first division office was still too large to be cozy.

Just as the sixth division captain was about to exit, Ukitake called out, "Abarai-taichou will be going with you. You'll be the officer-in-charge."

"Understood," replied Byakuya. He hesitated. "And Kira-fukutaichou?"

"He will man the division. Any material requiring a captain's clearance will be checked by Hisagi-taichou." The captain-general smiled. "Kira-san has retracted his resignation this morning even before the sun came up. He was apologetic about the scene caused in the meeting."

Byakuya inclined his head slightly and stepped out from the office.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira was already at the office waiting for his captain to return. He was paler than usual, and was diligently bent over his task. When the door slid open, the blond jerked his head up.

Byakuya seemed almost startled that Kira was there. The blond stood up and bowed respectfully. "Good morning taichou."

"Good morning," said Byakuya, and added, "fukutaichou."

The two exchanged a look. Kira coughed and said softly, "I apologize for how I... I apologize, taichou."

"There is not much to apologize for." The noble had a hint of a smile. "I will be leaving for the mission in half an hour. For paperwork requiring a captain's clearance, please collaborate with Hisagi-san. Other than that, I think I have no need to instruct you further."

Kira bowed again. "Understood, taichou."

"Oh, and I prefer when you call me Kuchiki-san." Byakuya swept into his office and shut the door.

Kira sat down and exhaled a long, slow breath. He wondered if anyone had ever been this completely bemused by a person in just twenty four hours.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

As the two captains got ready at the gateway to Hueco Mundo, Ukitake himself clipped on the microphones. "This latest model of communicator has been tested previously and it transmits even from Hueco Mundo. We can send from here to you over there, but the signal may not be strong enough."

Tessai checked his communication station and tried speaking into it, causing a shrill screech to echo through the earpiece.

Renji winced. "Was it supposed to do that?"

"It's supposed to do that while you're here," said Tessai, completely unabashed. "This way I know the signal is strong enough."

"While killing our eardrums in the meantime," complained the redheaded captain good-naturedly.

Ukitake adjusted the communicator on Byakuya's coat. "You are the final team we send," he said quietly.

Byakuya nodded. "Understood."

Renji frowned and held up a hand. "Hold on. What does that mean?"

"It means that if we are trapped or killed there," Byakuya explained evenly, "there will not be a rescue team for us."

"Oh." Renji's eyes narrowed and a familiar, if sorely missed, smirk crept up his face. "Guess we'd better not fail then."

Ukitake grinned broadly. "You look better when you're cocky. Go get our people back."

The passage through the Gargantua was as chaotic as the two remembered, but neither men spoke until they reached the white sands. The soft puffs of sand about their sandals marked their landing and Renji was the first to wrap the large cloak about himself.

Byakuya adjusted his scarf. "Las Noches is that way."

"You lead, Nii-sama." Renji unsheathed his sword but kept it unreleased. Byakuya took off at a pace just short of punishing, knowing that Renji was more than able to keep up.

The immense white walls were falling into disrepair, and there were signs of forced entry or exits all over. Before they breached the crumbling gates of Las Noches, Byakuya stopped and halted Renji as well.

"What is it?"

"I can sense thousands of reiatsu," said Byakuya. He scowled lightly in concentration. "Most aren't shinigami."

The taller captain paused and let his senses expand. As captains in general were very sensitive to other reiatsu, they usually kept their senses reined in to their immediate surrounds. Lower level shinigami on the other hand had not learned that level of control and thus were generally more aware of the reiatsu presences about them.

Renji closed his eyes. "No. Most feel like hollows."

"Release your sword," instructed Byakuya, and he removed Senbozakura from its sheath. "We must be ready to fight."

They walked in at a more sedate pace than they had raced to the structure. Foul air yawned at them from the inner recesses, and the two captains used their cloaks to mask their faces as they pressed inwards. It was darker than Renji remembered, and now thick, dark strands of unknown substances crawled over the ceiling and corners of what was once pure, dead white surface. He could not quite decide which was worse: the flat emptiness characteristic of Aizen's reign, or this current black-webbed foul-smelling passages that stretched into the distance.

When they finally came to the end of the passage, they could not make out much beyond a few yards. Black web-like strands looped and stretched from floor to ceiling, if there was a ceiling at all, and they were wrapped about white glowing pods.

"White pods," reported Byakuya quietly into the communicator. "They are nearly opalescent; I think there are things in them. I am not sure if they should be broken apart."

"They might contain some nasties," said Renji, eyes straining to see into the darkness.

Byakuya nodded. "We will venture further inside."

The white pods allowed enough illumination for them to navigate. Byakuya marked a black strand with a simple light kido and headed inwards, leaving small markings as they moved. Slowly they found themselves meandering within a forest of black webbing and white pods.

Suddenly Renji grabbed Byakuya's arm. "I saw something moving there." He pointed towards a recess off to the left.

"And there, in front," said Byakuya, grip tightening on his sword. The two captains exchanged a glance. "Two minutes, and back here."

Byakuya blasted a sigil on the floor and the two separated. The noble sprinted forward, scarf fluttering soundlessly behind him as he maneuvered past the huge pods.

"_Anything?" _Tessai asked over the communicator.

"Negative." The dark-haired captain cautiously peered about him, sword at the ready. He was only ten minutes into this maze and already he could feel reiatsu thrumming all about him. What made it unnerving was that the reiatsu presence, while constant in its intensity, kept flickering through different signatures. "I'm going back to the rendezvous point."

"_Understood."_

Renji was already waiting there, expression inscrutable. "Did you see anything?" asked the redhead.

"No." Byakuya took the lead again. "Come, Renji."

The two kept on when a rumble started under their feet, as if they were caught in the middle of an earthquake. The rumble grew and the ground started shaking violently. Byakuya was thrown off his feet and he crashed into Renji. The taller male grabbed hold of Byakuya and rolled onto the ground, his larger frame covering Byakuya's. Byakuya coughed as dust was thrown up and he squeezed his eyes shut when dust stung him into tearing.

When the rumbling stopped, Byakuya opened his eyes. Renji was peering down at him. "Are you okay, taichou?"

"Yes, I am. Thank you." The older captain got up and Renji helped him up. "What do you think happened?"

"An earthquake, perhaps," said Renji. His red hair gleamed as he looked about him. "Everything else seems alright though. No structural issues."

"No... but we weren't here a second ago," said Byakuya quietly. Instead of the white pods and black webs that had surrounded them earlier, he was in what seemed to be his office. Even the desks, his stationery and shelves were identical. "Where are we?"


	15. Chapter 15

Byakuya was still looking at his desk in quiet puzzlement when he heard the door slide open. Since Renji was behind him, Byakuya paid no heed. If it was something dangerous, the redhead would be more than capable of assessing whether Byakuya's aid was needed.

"Good afternoon," Renji said to the visitor and then cleared his throat. "Um, taichou, I'll step out and check on the rest of the division."

"What?" In his vague confusion following the earthquake, Byakuya was a little slow on the uptake and had not been prepared for that comment from his former lieutenant. "Why?"

The visitor laughed softly. "He's embarrassed to stay in the same room as us. It's all right, Abarai-fukutaichou, you can join us for lunch too."

"I'll just, um, just go. Good afternoon."

Byakuya stood thunderstruck. It had been decades since he heard that lilting voice. Suddenly it felt like he was in a nightmare. His hand dropped from Senbonzakura's hilt, his fingers numb, and he found himself praying desperately.

_Let it be a monster. Let it be an Espada. Let it be anything except-_

"Byakuya-dono? Are you all right?" A slender hand reached out and touched his left hand timidly. That caress, tender and soft as a petal floating to the ground, made Byakuya shudder and squeeze his eyes shut. He could not speak; he could barely breathe.

"Byakuya-dono?"

Throughout the course of his existence, there had been no challenge nor trial greater than this moment. Byakuya inhaled slowly and opened his eyes, turning around with a slight smile that cost him all his willpower to hold steady on his face. He covered the small hand over his left and nodded. "Hisana."

The woman smiled happily and then frowned. "Are you all right? You seem rather distracted."

"I was merely thinking," said Byakuya. His throat tightened. "I wasn't... I wasn't expecting you now."

"I know I'm late, but I was trying to make sure the beef is cooked soft enough. The earthquake made me spill the soup though, so you'll have to make do without today."

It _was_ Hisana, right down to the way she shifted her fringe aside, right down to the way her eyes slid from his face to the floor in a shy yet adoring manner, right down to her light floral scent which hinted of apple blossoms and sakura. Byakuya covered his mouth briefly to stifle an unseemly sob. She was _here_, and it _was_ her. His heart twisted and pounded, torn between excessive joy and profound sorrow. It couldn't be her, she couldn't be here; but his every sense told him that it was the woman he had loved, still loved, alive and well before him.

Hisana set out the meal, her graceful gestures making the simple act a study of serenity. Her husband did not move to join her, however. He chose to remain in his spot watching her. Every gesture brought a new wave of bliss and torment. Byakuya wondered if he had turned mad with that simple quake. Perhaps this was all brought on by a concussion, or maybe it had been a trap.

It could be a dream.

It could be an illusion.

How could he wake up from this?

"Shall we have our meal?" Hisana gazed over her shoulder and smiled. "I know the rice balls are a little lumpy, but I assure you they taste perfectly fine. And the taiyaki turned out rather shapeless... if you don't want it, I can pass it to Abarai-fukutaichou..."

"It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." Byakuya smiled and sat down behind his wife. He set aside his zanpakuto and slipped his arms about her. Her scent filled him from within.

"Uh, Byakuya-dono?" Hisana sounded embarrassed. "We are still in your office and, well, you said before that it's working hours..."

Byakuya closed his eyes. "That's not important now."

"What about your lunch?"

"I'm not hungry." Byakuya pulled Hisana closer, just breathing in her presence. "It can wait. Everything else can wait. Just let me hold you."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Renji returned to the rendezvous point. Byakuya was already there, his expression grave.

"Anything?" asked the dark-haired noble.

Renji shook his head and sheathed his sword for the moment. "We should move on. There has to be something significant other than these pods."

As the two set off deeper into the gloom, Renji wondered if he was the only one who felt rattled by the low, almost inaudible hum that was coming from under the ground. If he mentioned it to Byakuya, would his former captain think that he was overreacting? However, it was something of note. Renji decided to risk ridicule – not that Byakuya would ridicule him anyway – and tapped Byakuya on the shoulder.

"Yes?" asked the older male. He peered over his shoulder, his profile forbidding and proud. "What is it?"

Renji had known Byakuya long enough and well enough not to be put off by that mien. "Do you hear that humming?"

"What humming?"

"Tha-" The earth under them shook violently before Renji could speak and both shinigami toppled to their knees. Clambering up was no mean feat, but somehow they managed. The red-haired captain grabbed Byakuya's hand to pull him up. Just when they had a firm footing, the ground shook again, more violently as if some huge beast had rolled around beneath them. Renji tripped, landing on top of Byakuya.

As he was gasping out an apology, Byakuya interrupted him by rolling them over to the left. An enormous boulder crashed into where they had been lying down before. Dust and debris fountained up and cloaked the two captains.

Renji coughed and wiped aside the grit around his eyes. "Are you all right, Nii-sama?"

"I'm fine," said Byakuya, similarly dusted with pale gray dirt. The griminess made him seem more approachable somehow, and he flashed a small smile at the redhead below him. "How about you?"

"I should be okay as long as nothing tries to fall on me when I stand – where the hell are we?"

Byakuya peered around him and his brow creased in a scowl. He regarded Renji with narrowed eyes and asked coldly, sounding much more his captain self, "Is this a joke?"

"You got that right," growled Renji. The white pods and black veiny strands had disappeared; they were not even in Las Noches anymore. What had replaced the earlier scene was a barren field. In fact, Renji recognized the location: it was the Sixth division's training field, and it was night. Pale moonlight bathed the empty arena and small, cold stars twinkled clear in familiar constellations. Renji's muscles tightened. "It's the training field."

"I don't find it amusing," said Byakuya, who was now looking around them. Mist clung to the ground. "Where is everyone?"

"That's what we're about to find out." Renji rotated his arm about his shoulder joint; it felt tight. He sniffed. "The air smells different."

Byakuya dusted himself off carefully. "You never cease to astound me with your random and unimportant observations. Come, Renji. I'm sure we can find out where everyone has disappeared to."

The red-haired shinigami followed his former captain closely, each of his senses straining to catch the slightest hint of why they had shifted location. Something felt off about Byakuya as well, but Renji supposed it was because the noble wasn't expecting the change in venue either.

Someone was running towards them and in the gloom Renji wasn't able to discern who it was. His hand strayed to Zabimaru and hovered over the sword hilt.

"What do you think will attack us here, Renji?" asked Byakuya in a completely unconcerned manner.

"Anything is possible, Nii-sama."

"You've really gotten used to calling me that, haven't you?" Byakuya threw him a sideways glance. "I can't imagine how Rukia puts up with you."

That comment was an icy bath. Renji froze. "Excuse me. What did you say?"

"Are you as hard of hearing as you are of understanding?" The older man shook his head. "I should never have acceded to the marriage..."

"Nii-sama! Renji!" the figure shouted and for a second time Renji halted in his tracks. His eyes widened as he saw the person materialize before them. Panting for breath, it took her some time to gasp out the message: "Nii-sama, Hisana-nee-san is ready to deliver; the fourth has her already. I came – to find you – the earthquake..."

"Deliver? Now? I thought the baby isn't due until next week!" Byakuya was suddenly flustered. He shifted suddenly and then he was no longer there. Only a small eddy in the mist showed that Byakuya had shunpo'ed away.

Renji was not even aware that the dark-haired captain had left. He stared, dumbstruck, and tried to find words. There was nothing. He wasn't even conscious of his death-tight grip on Zabimaru. All he saw was the slim woman before him.

Rukia straightened, having finally caught her breath. She grinned. "Glad I remembered where you were. Shall we go to the hospital too? I'm sure Nii-sama could use the moral support."

"Rukia? Is it really you?" Renji mouthed, fearing that any sound or move he made would cause her to dematerialize. He had not blinked since he saw her. He did not dare to. He had never been this afraid in his life.

Rukia swiveled about on her heel. "Yes Renji? Did you say something?"

"I-I wasn't... I wasn't expecting you." Renji swallowed and shut his eyes for a moment. This was too much. He had to be dreaming: he had to be. It had taken him so long to stop longing for her voice, her touch, her presence, too long; he had taken too long to move on, and Shuuhei had waited so patiently- "Where's Shuuhei?" he asked suddenly.

"Since when did you call Hisagi-san by his familiar name?" Rukia tilted her head and narrowed her large eyes. Beautiful eyes, clear and confident, determined yet sorrowful – Renji could bear it no longer.

He ran forward and caught her up in a hug. She felt the same, all slender strength, fragile and incredible, and soft against his well-trained muscles. Her hair tickled his nose and he buried his face in it. Renji knew he was crying. He could hardly feel the ground at his feet and clung to Rukia, his tears pouring forth as if he could not stop. She was here; she _was_ here. She had to be. This person he held had to be her. It had to be. No one else smelled like this, sounded like this, felt like _this_. His arms trapped her against him and he pressed her closer.

"Renji, Renji are you all right?"

Her small hands were combing through his hair now, brushing against the nape of his neck. The delicate chill of her fingers reminded Renji of other times, happier times, and he kept his face buried against the side of hers. The tears were hard and fast and silent. He held her until he thought his heart would break, and when the tears finally slowed he pulled away slightly to look into her face.

_There_. That expression of concern and love was hers and hers only. Only she looked at him like that.

"Renji, what's wrong?" Rukia cupped Renji's cheek. "What happened?"

"Nothing important," said Renji, managing to smile shakily. "It's nothing important. Let's just... let's just wait here for good news, hmm?"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"_-I'm going - to the rendez- point."_

"_Understood."_

Ukitake stopped the replay. "That was all we got before transmission ceased."

Kira let out his breath. He was shaking, he realized, from tension and fear. The transmission broke off just after Byakuya said he would return to the rendezvous point, and after that there had only been static. Kira wondered what had happened.

Hisagi's hands had long clenched into white-knuckled fists. "You have to let us go there."

"That was the final team," said Ukitake, his tone brooking no disobedience. Nodding at Kira, he went on, "We wanted to let you know what happened to Abarai-san and Kuchiki-san, that is all. As of this moment, no one is to enter Hueco Mundo."

"That's bullshit!" roared Hisagi, rising to his feet in a rush of fury. Kira stood too, trying to restrain his best friend from attacking Ukitake physically. "Are you honestly expecting me to sit here knowing that my lover is over there? That he might be injured? Dead? That I can't even try to save him?"

"Yes!" the captain-general shouted. The three men stilled. Ukitake's face was whiter than usual and Kira saw how he was gripping the arms of his chair. "We cannot afford to lose more ranked shinigami. They knew the risks when they went. They are soldiers, Hisagi Shuuhei, and so are you. This meeting is adjourned."

The white-haired captain swept out of the office, leaving Kira holding Hisagi by the shoulders. The ninth division captain slumped and fell back into his chair, his gaze hollow. Kira waited. He did not have to wait long.

"I will go and rescue them," said Hisagi quietly. His eyes flicked up to meet the younger male's intense blue gaze. "I will tear down worlds to get Renji back. Are you with me?"

"You know I'm always on your side," said the blond. He folded his arms. "We'll head out to the human realm first."

"Human realm? You mean Hueco Mundo."

"No," said Kira. "I mean human realm. As in Urahara Kisuke and that Espada they kept around. We'll use them to get into Hueco Mundo without the soutaichou knowing."

Hisagi pushed out of his seat and grabbed his sword. "Let's go."

"We have to wait," corrected the lieutenant.

"Renji's in danger!"

"And so is my captain, but we need to strategize."

For some reason Kira's cool and composed manner irked Hisagi. The dark-haired shinigami captain grabbed Kira by the shirt and yanked him forward until they were nose to nose. Hisagi growled, "My lover is in danger. I am not waiting a second longer."

Kira was unfazed. "If you choose to run off without thinking, feel free. Myself, I want to save Kuchiki-san and Renji. So I will sit, and think, and go."

"Fine. What do we have to think about?"

"They would have attacked any obvious threats."

"Of course."

"That means that they were ambushed, which is unlikely given how sensitive Kuchiki-san is, or that they walked into a trap without realizing it."

Hisagi frowned. "So?"

"So that brings us to the question: have they realized that they have been trapped?" the blonde asked. He started to pace. "I don't know about Renji, but Kuchiki-san isn't stupid. He's smart. So why are they still not contacting Soul Society?"

Now the other shinigami joined in. "That means that the trap is too difficult to break out of."

"If they were together," Kira elaborated, "there is nothing that can keep them trapped."

"Therefore they have been separated," said Hisagi. He raised his eyebrows in sudden realization. "They were trapped when they separated. When they went back to the rendezvous point, they had already been caught."

"...nothing can catch them that fast," said Kira. His mind searched the possibilities, and nothing threw up a hint. Then he breathed out. "All right. Something could catch them that fast, and did so without either of them noticing. That means we'll need to watch out for fast-moving things and stay together."

Hisagi nodded. "Let's go."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Urahara was more than obliging. Renji was Ichigo's close friend and Byakuya his former boyfriend, so there was very little objection on Urahara's part. Kira briefed the shopkeeper as succinctly as he could while Ichigo roused the Espada awake to open the gates into Hueco Mundo.

"Are you certain we shouldn't come with you?" asked the former captain. Urahara's gaze darted to his lover. Ichigo looked worried and tense. "We can help."

"If we don't return within twenty hours, then come and figure out what exactly has killed us," said Kira softly. "Shuuhei is going mad without Ichigo feeding that sort of negativity. I can keep Shuuhei balanced but not with Ichigo constantly drowning us with unstable reiatsu."

Urahara tipped his hat. "I'll stay on watch. You get twelve hours only."

"I hope we need less than that." Kira inhaled deeply, held the breath, and let it out in a slow, even count. He centered his emotions. If Shuuhei was straining at the leash to get to his lover, then Kira must be the one holding the leash to rein in his friend's power.

The gate screeched apart. The Espada Grimmjow yawned and scratched himself idly. "I can't believe you woke me up for this," he grumbled.

Kira and Hisagi ignored the comment and leaped into the gaping maw. For a split second Kira could hear his own declaration echoing in his head: _I will not set foot in Las Noches again, not unless Soul Society's existence depends on my being there_.

Kira hardened his resolve. Though it was not Soul Society that was relying on him to go there, his friends and his captain were. Whatever horrors Las Noches might bring, he was ready for it.

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Hisagi prodded at one of the white, glowing pods. The journey was uneventful and they managed to track Renji and Byakuya to their rendezvous point, where they saw the communicator on the ground. Kira had picked it up. The batteries for it had fused and the contraption was useless. Nonetheless, the blond packed it away. Tessai would want it to study what went wrong.

"Renji went this way," said Hisagi abruptly. He pointed to the left of the fork. "That's where I an sense his reiatsu last."

"Kuchiki-san went that way." Kira indicated the other side of the forked path. "I wonder why they split up."

"Should we?" Hisagi appeared uncertain for the first time since they reached.

Kira nibbled his lower lip. Then he shook his head and said, "We'll stay close to each other. I'm sure we can locate Renji if you're able to track him. I can smell his reiatsu also, but right now there are too many reiatsu scents and I'm getting a headache."

Hisagi was glad that Kira wanted them to look for Renji first. He could feel his energy gathering at his fingertips, the buzz that signaled an adrenaline spike; he wanted to attack. He needed to attack.

Where was Renji?

The earth shook again, the force of the tremors breaking the spell of Hisagi's focused thoughts. Kira stumbled and fell, toppling out of sight just behind a large pod, while Hisagi tried to stay on his feet as best as he could. Suddenly the ground lurched again and Hisagi was thrown off balance. Staggering forward, Hisagi threw his arms out to break his fall, but crashed into one of the pods.

The pod split apart with a wet ripping sound and Hisagi pushed himself up with his arms. Then he groaned at the slime that covered his body. When he registered what he had broken into, all thoughts of slime left his head.

"Renji?"

The redhead was curled on his side and his eyes slowly fluttered open. He was thin and, even by the weak light of the pods outside, Renji was deathly pale. But there was a slight smile on Renji's face.

"You came for me," he whispered.

"Of course," said Hisagi, crawling forwards and pulling his lover into an embrace. "I'd go into hell itself for you."

Renji hugged him back, though his strength was a mere fraction of what it had been. "I know. I was waiting." He swallowed and rested his head against Hisagi's shoulder. "Cold."

"I'll warm you up right now," promised the dark-haired captain. "You'll be fine, my love. You're safe now; you're with me."

"I know. I don't think I can move yet," panted Renji. "My legs... feel like noodles. Can barely... speak."

"It's all right," Hisagi assured. "We'll just wait here for a bit. As long as you're all right, nothing else matters."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira sat up and rubbed his shoulder. That fall had been a little harder than he expected and he wondered if that was an actual earthquake or something conjured up by whatever had been capturing the shinigami and hollows.

Then he realized the scenery had changed. This was a familiar place – too familiar. There was sandalwood incense smoke in the air, along with a glorious display of blue brocade, and the sheets on the futon on the floor looked rumpled.

Kira looked down at his own attire. He was overdressed for this venue, he thought sarcastically, and stood up. There was the quiet buzz of insects outside, so it must be night. There were candles still burning in the few lamps in the room, so it wasn't too late.

And there were footfalls, quick and almost soundless. Kira knew that sound. He spent years listening, waiting, anticipating for them, because it meant that he would be able to sleep in the secure knowledge of warmth and affection.

Kira did not turn around or react to the arms that circled his waist from behind. He merely closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The air was cool, carrying the different scents of the room, but under the heady sandalwood was a fragrance he had missed terribly for the past few years.

_Bamboo after rain._

"Good evening, 'Zuru darling." The older male behind Kira nuzzled into pale blond hair, a gesture so achingly intimate that Kira could feel his heart twist with recognition. "Have you been waiting for me?"

"Of course." Kira made himself smile and slowly turned around. He managed to meet the slitted, clever gaze and wicked smirk without flinching, though his breath caught in his throat. "Gin."

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**A/N: You knew this would happen, right? But more surprises next chapter – stay tuned!**


	16. Chapter 16

"I was just finishing the last of the report on the interns," said Gin, turning Kira around and kissing the blond on his mouth. He was attired in a captain's uniform and looked as if the entire Hueco Mundo incident had never happened. "Have you been waiting long?"

Kira made himself smile. "Feels like I've been waiting forever."

"And yet you're still in uniform." The silver-haired man brushed his knuckles over Kira's cheek and the younger male closed his eyes, his throat closing and his breathing paused. "Not in the mood tonight, darling?"

"I feel like taking a walk," Kira answered easily. He watched Gin move about the room, pulling off his captain's coat and hanging it up, and wondered why every motion seemed unbelievably real. This was a hallucination, Kira knew.

It had to be.

It would be too cruel otherwise.

Gin looked over his shoulder and tilted his head. "Can I join you?"

"I'd love that." The blond walked up to his captain and placed his palm on Gin's soft face. Even the skin temperature and texture was exactly right; Kira could feel an overwhelming sweetness well up from his heart. He had been longing for the feel of this since the captain abandoned him in Soul Society that day on the hill. It had been so long since Kira could touch Gin so freely, and he had to forcibly restrain himself for pulling away all the troublesome layers of fabric on the older shinigami. The thin, angular shoulders, that lean but firm chest, the sleek muscles of his legs, and that tattoo... oh gods, that sinuous curve of the inked lines on Gin's lower back, the one indelible image that spoke of Gin's lasting love for Aizen...

Instead he swallowed and said, "But you're tired, aren't you? Don't you want to rest?"

Gin took Kira's hand and kissed it. He removed Wabisuke from Kira's grip, glancing at it in puzzlement, before he rested it against the wall casually.

"I just want to stay by your side. What," Gin's voice took on a teasing tone, "you don't want me to be with you?"

Kira chuckled as tears stung his eyes. "That has to be the stupidest thing you have ever said to me."

He took the captain's hand and tugged the older man into an embrace. Gin appeared startled, but wrapped his slender arms about Kira and hugged him back.

"Gin?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

The older male laughed quietly and nuzzled Kira. The lieutenant inhaled deeply – a scent that was fresh and light and almost not-there – and squeezed; his eyes were shut tightly and he was having difficulty controlling his voice. It felt like he could not breathe; that if he took even a breath, it would all crash down on him, that it would disappear like a wisp of smoke. His fingers dug into the body in his arms.

Burying his face in silky fine hair, Kira murmured brokenly, "I love you so much my head hurts. My heart hurts. It's hurting so bad, Gin... it hurts so bad, but I still love you."

"Izuru, darling, I'm sorry it hurts to love me," Gin said, stroking Kira's hair in slow, even moves. Each motion stabbed hot icicles into Kira's soul.

"Gin?" he whispered, not trusting himself to drag this out any longer.

"Do you love me?

The captain pulled away from the hug and caressed the blond shinigami's face. Then he frowned. "Why are you crying?"

Kira shook off Gin's concern and repeated, "Do you love me, Gin?"

"How can you ask that of me?" Gin leaned in, his mouth dusting over Kira's. "You should know by now how I feel about you."

The blond closed his eyes again, weaving his fingers into silver-fine hair and pressed into his captain. He willingly parted his lips and his tongue sought for entry; Gin allowed it. Kira tasted Gin again, a lingering sweetness reminiscent of dried persimmon; long lashes tickled his skin; skillful tongue sweeping and exploring. Gently Gin pulled away, skating kisses all along Kira's jaw until he reached the hollow under Kira's ear. The younger man clutched at thin shoulders, his breath hitching and his body shuddering at the erotic flick of Gin's expert tongue over his earlobe. He whined as Gin's hands slid along his back until they reached his buttocks, and moaned aloud when those slender fingers squeezed.

"Zuru, darling," Gin crooned, "of course I love you."

Kira breathed in sharply and whispered, "Thank you."

As Gin guided the blond to a wall and began sucking tenderly on Kira's neck, the lieutenant murmured a word under his breath.

"Hmm?" Gin peered up through silver hair. "What did you say?"

"I said 'farewell', Gin." Kira smiled down at Gin and brushed his fingers over Gin's thin lips. "_Byakurai._"

The next instant, a thin bolt of white lightning shot out from Kira's finger and decimated Gin's face. The thin former captain toppled over onto the ground. Kira grabbed Wabisuke, staring at the ruined corpse of the man he loved.

Then he breathed deeply and murmured, "_Haien._"

Dark violet flames engulfed the prone body. The fire climbed and spread. Kira wondered distantly if he was going to perish here, swallowed by his own destructive spell. It would be a release, wouldn't it? He could then be free of all his sorrow and his memories. He could be free of the endless, endless longing, the hungry, aching loneliness.

But the others might not have broken free. They needed him to save them.

And even if they did save themselves...

Shuuhei would grieve if Kira died. He definitely would. As would Renji, yet again. And Ikkaku, for the loss of yet another lover, would again move towards self-destruction, and there might be no one who could stop him. Isshin would be upset; Matsumoto and Hinamori would feel alone and lost. And Yuzu and Karin would feel sad too, wouldn't they?

_:We would be guilty about upsetting them, wouldn't we?:_

Kira unsheathed his sword without releasing into shikai. "Then free us from our guilt, Wabisuke." The blade responded with a subtle shift in reiatsu pressure and Kira began to hack away at the walls and the floor. Clear, viscous fluid oozed out in a sickeningly fast crawl. Ignoring the rising flames was difficult, but Kira sliced and slashed without ceasing. For almost five minutes he wielded Wabisuke as an axe; the flames from his _haien_ spell fought against the clear liquid and slowly the heat died down. Nevertheless Kira did not stop. He had to find a way out _now_-

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Byakuya sat beside his wife, his left hand clutching her tiny one as tightly as he could without hurting her. The tips of her ears were flushed with demure embarrassment, but she wasn't pulling away. They had sat there for some time, Hisana caught in Byakuya's embrace, the noble leaning against the wall.

It was quiet, but not the oppressive, heavy silence he had come to associate with the office. Now it was a serenity that had left him for far too long; he drank in the peacefulness and calm. He had missed this so much but he hadn't known how much he had longed for it; Byakuya smiled and nuzzled into Hisana's hair. Like a man lost in the desert for too long, he had begun to think that not having Hisana was perfectly all right, that he could go on without having her by his side.

"Byakuya-dono?" Her voice was low and sweet; ambrosia to the Kuchiki noble.

He cocked his head and smiled at her. Only she had got to witness his simple smiles; no one else had been able to bring that out in him ever since.

"Byakuya-dono, will you-"

Her words were cut off abruptly. Byakuya could only stare in horror as Hisana literally melted in his hands – snow turning to water – and his frantic scrabbling did nothing to cease the disintegration of his wife.

An arm swept out from behind him and looped over his shoulder and chest, dragging him backwards and up into the wall, away from his love, away from Hisana who was not nothing but a shapeless mess on the floor-

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"-No," gasped Byakuya, choking and drawing in huge lungfuls of air. He turned blindly around, pushing, shoving, reaching for something, anything that could bring him back to that place where she was and she was in his arms and his arms were full of her sweetness and life... "No, no, no... Hisana, my love, Hisana, Hisana... no, not again, not like this-"

Slender but strong hands gripped the captain by his shoulders and forcefully turned him around to face an intense blue gaze. Kira Izuru shook Kuchiki Byakuya until the captain's eyes focused on him.

Kira was completely drenched in a slick liquid, his hair sticking to his face, but there was nothing soft about his eyes. "That was an illusion, Kuchiki-san. That wasn't real."

"No," Byakuya breathed. "No, no this, _this_ is an illusion, that was real, that was her, she was here, she was here in my embrace. She was real, she was _there_, it was her voice, her form, her scent..."

"-but it wasn't her!" Kira practically screamed in Byakuya's face. He shook the noble again. The older male let Kira maneuver him like a marionette with its strings cut. Kira grabbed Byakuya's chin and looked the captain in the eye. "That was a fake. It was an insult to her memory, Kuchiki-san. She wasn't there."

"She was-"

"She's dead! She's been dead for decades! She's dead, and so is Rukia, and so will you be if you stay here any longer!" Kira shouted. Giving into the urge, he slapped the noble across his face.

Kuchiki Byakuya stilled. Then he touched his left cheek, and felt the sting. Then he peered up at the blond lieutenant. He moved his mouth as if he wanted to speak, but stopped.

Looking about himself he saw that he was seated hip deep in a shallow indentation. Above him was a ripped, white membrane. Around the indentation there were black tendrils which radiated outwards. Byakuya could feel his energies flagging.

Kira extended a hand. "You have to come out of that. We still have Renji and Shuuhei to look for."

"Renji?" Byakuya asked, climbing out with some difficulty. He could barely lift an arm and had to catch his breath with the simple act of standing up.

Kira swept his wet hair out of his face. "We'll find him."

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Byakuya was astounded by the destruction that lay about him. Pods had been ripped apart with some force, it seemed, and in each space there was some being immersed in the same sticky fluid that had encased Byakuya earlier.

"I had to break a few to find you," Kira explained as they retraced his steps. "I tried to save the shinigami but they were already reduced to nothing. All of those I came across were not breathing. Once I took them out of the liquid, they choked and died."

"But you kept trying," Byakuya observed. His voice sounded odd to himself.

"I did."

The blond did not sound apologetic or regretful. Byakuya scrutinized the man in front of him and wondered about the man's personal philosophy. The confident strides of the lieutenant was vastly different from the diffident, almost awkwardly shy demeanor Kira bore when in Soul Society.

Kira paused in front of one. "I emerged here. It isn't far from where I was separated from Shuuhei, so I guess we'll head that way." He glanced at Byakuya behind him. "I'll smash the right side and you the left... if you're up to it."

Byakuya hefted Senbonzakura. It, as always, felt like it was an extension of himself, a constant in a world of changes. "Lead on."

Kira swung Wabisuke in a downward arc, clinically slicing apart one of the pods. He peered in and moved on to the next. Byakuya followed his lieutenant and systematically cut open the white membrane.

Inside the pod was a hollow, already reduced to a skeletal frame. Byakuya suppressed a shudder of revulsion. Was this what he could have been reduced to? What exactly was draining the energy from shinigami and hollows alike? What trapped them in illusions and fantasies?

"Renji's here." Kira pushed apart the white film and Byakuya followed. His former lieutenant lay submerged in the fluid, curled in a fetal crouch, his eyes closed. His powerful arms were crossed over his chest.

Byakuya hunkered down and pushed into the liquid, wincing inwardly at the slick coldness that clung to his skin. To his surprise, Renji fought his hold, but Kira didn't seem perturbed by the resistance; Renji was yanked out of the gooey fluid through the combined efforts of Byakuya and Kira. When he emerged, the first thing he did was choke out Rukia's name.

"She's alive, she's alive, we gotta get - we gotta get her..." Renji turned wide unseeing eyes on his former captain and grabbed his arms. "Byakuya, gods, she's there, I swear she, she's alive she is, she is, she is-"

Byakuya could not help but pull Renji into an embrace. Disregarding the slick wetness of Renji's hair, Byakuya pressed his mouth into the red, sodden tresses. His hug tightened and he kept Renji in place as the younger captain ceased his protests and broke down into tears.

Off to the side, Kira straightened from his crouch and said, "I'll get Shuuhei. You should both get out of the liquid. That thing drains reiatsu."

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Shuuhei clung to Kira's arms, assured that the blond had rescued Renji and that the other two captains were safe. He shivered as he tried to calm himself; the image of Renji falling to pieces in his arms felt too real.

"What is... what caught us?" he asked when he finally crawled to his feet. "I just stumbled and – I don't remember being captured."

"I have a theory," answered Kira, "but I want us to get back with Kuchiki-taichou and Renji first. Can you walk?"

Shuuhei nodded and straightened, his joints protesting slightly. Kira led the way back to where Renji and Byakuya were. They stood outside the ruined pod. By now the redhead had calmed down, though his eyes were still puffy and his sunken cheeks made him look like he had been on a starvation diet.

Upon seeing Renji, Shuuhei dashed over and hugged his spouse. Renji wrapped the dark-haired man in his arms and squeezed, his eyes closing as Shuuhei murmured lovingly into his neck.

The other two male shinigami waited until Shuuhei and renji had reaffirmed their bond. Kira looked about him and up above them. "We were trapped the second we came in here."

"What do you mean?" Byakuya's tone was bordering on sharp.

Kira ignored the bite and explained, "These pods with the liquid... they're acting as digesting chambers. Stomachs. We were being eaten slowly. The black veins ferry reiatsu around to make sure the... food... doesn't die too fast."

Shuuhei released Renji from his embrace, though one hand remained possessively on Renji's left shoulder. "Did you try to release the other shinigami?"

"They're dead, Shuuhei. There's nothing there. Their reiatsu-regulating systems fused with this, this creature; the second I pulled them out they died. I don't know how long it took to do that to them, but I think it's damn lucky that Shuuhei and I got here when we did. Any longer..."

"Does that mean we have to break out of this place in order to escape?" Renji's composure had returned. His eyes scanned the ripped pods about them, a slight frown etching his features. The scar down his left cheek twitched slightly as he considered the options.

Kira shrugged. He had been thinking ever since he had torn out of the pod he had been caught in. he wasn't even sure where the hollow – if it was a hollow – was.

Sensing the indecision of the others, Byakuya took charge as senior captain. "We'll break out through the top. If this entire complex is a hollow, we'd get a reaction. If it isn't, then we regroup and send in long-range attacks instead of wandering about in here and getting ourselves caught."

That seemed a reasonable plan. However, the second they tried to leap off the ground a depression formed under and a white membrane tried to shut them in. A low hum from deep beneath their feet erupted into a ear-splitting roar.

With Wabisuke already unsheathed, Kira slashed the white membrane apart and all four shinigami made a dash for the eternal night sky.

"It must have heard us!" shouted Shuuhei, releasing Kazeshini into shikai mid-jump. The denser reishi allowed the weakened Byakuya and Renji to follow Shuuhei and Kira with less effort, though there was a sickly pallor about them when they broke through the ceiling and into open air.

"You think?" Renji snarled and drew Zabimaru.

Byakuya did the same, then scowled. "I don't have enough reiatsu to wield Senbonzakura."

"_Omote o agero, Wabisuke_." Kira took a stance in front of his captain and Renji. "Looks like you and I will hold off the attack."

"Your reiatsu levels are all right?"

"70 percent, I suppose. Yours?"

"I feel like half the man I am supposed to be."

"That's still a lot more man than most," joked Kira.

The two behind them exchanged a look. Renji rolled his eyes in a fondly derisive manner, and Byakuya shook his head.

Beneath them, the great hall of Las Noches shuddered and split apart, revealing a gaping maw. The white pods, whether cut open or still intact, suddenly retracted with a resounding, nauseating crack into the ground. The black tendrils that had clung about the pods also shot away and all four males saw the gaping hole that opened in the center of what had been the hall.

Shuuhei made a slightly revolted noise. "That looks like a throat."

"Back up!" Renji shouted and pulled at both Shuuhei and Kira, dragging them back as fast as he could without the benefit of shunpo. From a distance Kira could take in the horrific scale of the beast they were facing.

Teeth the size of pillars shone maliciously before snapping shut like a bear trap. Then a behemoth reared up from under the sand, spraying debris from what had been the palace.

Byakuya steadied Renji after the redhead released his lover and his friend. His gray eyes were fixed on the monster. "Was that what Aizen put under Las Noches?"

"Who else could have done it?" asked Shuuhei.

"It wasn't Aizen," said Kira quietly. He looked up to meet the questioning eyes of all three captains. He sighed. "If it were him, wouldn't he have signaled it to swallow all of us once he and Gin were clear of Las Noches?"

Byakuya nodded slightly in assent. He narrowed his eyes as he surveyed the hollow below. "We will need long range attacks. I can do maybe mid-level hado."

"Me too," said Renji.

Kira sheathed Wabisuke. "I'll support with hado as well. My zanpakuto is no use in this scenario."

"I'll handle the attacks side," said Shuuhei. "_Bankai_."

Kazeshini's blades multiplied and soared behind them like eagles. Chains hung below them, all held by Shuuhei via the hilt. Raising his left hand, the sole functioning captain sent two of the windmill blades hurtling downwards and then the rest raced immediately after.

Just as Byakuya, Kira and Renji were about to fire destructive spells, a huge red crescent-shaped energy shot out from nowhere and collided with the leviathon just as Kazeshini did. The resulting explosion swept everyone off their feet and sent them tumbling down to the white sands below.

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Three days later six men gathered in the First Division offices. Ukitake rested his brow on a hand. "How am I supposed to respond now?"

Nobody said a word.

Kyoraku coughed. "Um, you could feel relieved."

"I could."

"Since they made it back and all."

"Yes."

"Or," suggested Kyoraku, in the same reasonable tone, "you could feel pissed off, because these two ignored your express orders."

"You're absolutely right." The white-haired captain-general removed his hand from his face and gazed at his best friend. "You are, as always, the best sort of help."

The other captain beamed. "I try."

Ukitake continued, "And in this case I choose to be both. While I am glad that all of you are back – we can't afford to lose any more captains – I think a good long suspension from duty for Hisagi-san and Kira-san would be a suitable warning for the rest of them who think they can defy my orders. Three months ought to do it. And that means no pay."

"Understood, soutaichou." Kira bowed, Hisagi a little less willingly, and both left the spacious office.

Kyoraku chuckled and poured a generous measure of sake. "I'm just glad they're back in one piece."

"Me too," admitted Ukitake. "And with Abarai-san and Kuchiki-san out of commission for almost four months, I will need to tap on the other divisions to handle the shinigami of the fifth, sixth and ninth divisions."

"Ah hells... I hate it when you talk business," groused the other captain. He savored his sake and let the warmth of the alcohol dissipate in his mouth.

Urahara Kisuke, who had been silent all this time, tipped his hat. "I would have to drag out your torture a little longer, Shunsui. Jyuushiro, I want captaincy, as does Ichigo."

"Are you saying you want to come reside in Seireitei? I thought both of you wanted to stay in the human realm."

"We do," explained Urahara. "Ichigo thinks we ought to take captaincy in the human world. Given how often the hollow incursions occur around him, I think he deserves shinigami support. And since I am the more experienced, I should also take on the role. A reduced staff, of course, and let me design the structure of our teams. It would help you."

Kyoraku poured another measure of sake as the other two got down to business. The future was shaping up to look rather interesting.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira accompanied Shuuhei back to his home where Renji was recuperating from reiatsu loss.

"How are you?" asked the blond before Shuuhei opened the door.

The dark-haired man paused on the threshold. "I'm all right. He's not."

"What do you mean?" Kira placed his hand on Shuuhei's forearm. "He's not reverting to depression, is he?"

"I... I don't know. Sometimes he wakes up he-he's calling out for her and..." Shuuhei rubbed his cheek's scars absently. "And it hurts him, I can see it, and I don't know what to say to- I don't know what to say to make him feel better because..."

"Because you hurt too," Kira supplied compassionately. He cupped his ex-lover's cheek and touched foreheads with him. They stood like this, heads bowed, and then Kira pulled back. "Shuu, there is nothing you need to say. Hold him, love him. Cry with him if you want to. Tell him how you feel, and then hold him again."

Shuuhei smiled weakly. "I'm scared, Izuru. I'm fucking terrified that... I am so afraid that he would leave me and... I won't be able to handle that, I know I can't. If I hadn't known how good it is to be with him I might be able to, but now I can't. If I lose him... if he leaves me..."

"Shh, hush, Shuuhei, it's okay, it's okay," Kira crooned, looping his arms about Shuuhei's shoulders. "You won't. He's still with you, isn't he? He loves you."

Shuuhei's shoulders trembled as he tried to rein in his emotions.

Kira let go. "And he's here."

Behind Shuuhei, Renji smiled at Kira. It was a thin-lipped smile, but a smile nonetheless, and the blond lieutenant stepped away as the tall redhead embraced his spouse. There was another place Kira had to be.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Byakuya-sama, a visitor from your division has arrived and is waiting in the guest hall."

"Thank you," said Byakuya and his servant moved away, having delivered his message. It was a five-minute walk from his room to the guest hall, but the noble took his time. There was no one he wanted to see, but protocol had to be addressed.

He had a good idea who the visitor was though.

Kira Izuru sat primly on a cushion, a cup of tea and a tray of snacks before him untouched. The blond man was gazing out to the manicured garden, a faraway expression on what Byakuya could see of his face.

"Good afternoon," said the Kuchiki lord and sat down. "How did the meeting go?"

"It went fine, taichou. I am to be suspended from duty for three months with no pay," said Kira. His eyes were on his hands in his lap as he faced Byakuya. "I suspect that is Ukitake-soutaichou's way of thanking me: a much-deserved holiday."

"That sounds like Kyoraku's style more than Ukitake's, but I get your meaning." Byakuya barely acknowledged the servant who placed another teacup on the low table. "Is there anything else?"

Kira raised his head and locked gazes with Byakuya. "How are you sleeping these days, Kuchiki-san?"


	17. Chapter 17

Kuchiki Byakuya counted himself a person with good breeding. As such, he did not throw Kira out of his home for the impertinence, nor did he thrash his current lieutenant to an inch of his life.

He did, however, turn his back on the blond and coldly remarked, "There is nothing wrong with my sleep. Is that all? You may leave."

"I'm glad there is nothing wrong with your sleep, taichou," said Kira politely.

Byakuya took deep breaths for the next few minutes, trying to center his thoughts before he reprimanded Kira's insolence, but when he turned around the blond lieutenant had gone.

The captain wondered why Kira had asked him the question. Were the others not dealing well with their encounters?

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira didn't know what had come over him. Everything around him seemed dull and gray; his skin felt too tight for him and there was faint ache that had spread through his limbs.

Above him lightning flashed and thunder rumbled. Yet Kira did not register the signs until the first few raindrops fell on his cheeks. He stared up at the heavens, the thick roiling clouds unleashing torrents of cold water on the blond lieutenant. It wasn't until a particularly vicious slash of lightning that erupted just over his head that Kira realized he was getting wet.

Somehow his feet dragged him to someplace sheltered. It was a door in front of him, with warmth and light inside, and for a long beat Kira stared at it with a slight frown.

What was he supposed to do now?

"Izuru? What's up?" Ikkaku must have sensed Kira's reiatsu and slid open the door, still in his uniform.

The blond male closed his eyes and all of a sudden he broke. He lunged forward, grabbing the older man around his neck and locking lips with Ikkaku, kissing him as if his life depended on it. Ikkaku tried to push him off but Kira protested and, with a hook to Ikkaku's ankle, toppled them both painfully onto the floor.

Ikkaku was by far the physically stronger, yet Kira managed to pin him down and straddle him. With a desperate urgency, Kira started ripping off Ikkaku's rough cotton robe, planting kisses and bites all over the exposed chest. His cold hands groped over a muscled chest, fingers seeking out sensitive nipples, and shifted his hips repeatedly against Ikkaku's. Ikkaku grunted and arched lightly, but found the presence of mind to pull Kira off him.

"Izuru, stop!" he shouted. Ikkaku gripped the slender lieutenant's shoulders and straightened him. "What the fuck is going on? Are you all right?"

Kira ignored the query and tried to kiss Ikkaku again, but the captain was ready for him this time and kept Kira at arm's length. He shook the slender blond again, trying to get Kira to answer. Then he registered the expression on Kira's face. "Shit. Oh fuck. 'Zuru, look at me. Look at me. What happened, love?"

Kira's vision was swimming with exhaustion and confusion. "Ikkaku, help me. Please help me. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to end this."

"Of course I'll help," blustered the older man. He wrapped his beefy arms about Kira and started soothing Kira, as if the thin male was a frightened child. He patted the blond lieutenant, trying to ease the tense set of his slim shoulders. "What happened, 'Zuru? I thought you had been to Unohana's? Did Ukitake sack you or something? Or Byakuya? Because if that bastard forgot that it was you who saved his prissy arse-"

At Ikkaku's vociferous consoling Kira completely lost control of his emotions. Everything he had kept bottled since that encounter in Hueco Mundo had weighed heavily on him, and he broke.

"I just... I can't sleep. I can't close my eyes. I can't close my eyes because I'll see him, and when I see him it hurts so bad, like my heart is being torn apart slowly, and I can't breathe, I can't breathe 'Kaku. I can't. I remember it. I remember that it was his, _his_ voice telling me that he loves me and, and it was so _good_ to hear it. I'm afraid to shut my eyes because I'll remember how happy I will be to hear those words again from him, in his voice... Oh gods Ikkaku, I need- I need to, I need something, anything. Dull my brain. Shut it. Kill it. Something. Dig out, dig out his image, his presence..."

Pale hands clutched at Ikkaku's shoulders and wide eyes, wild, lost, frightened stared at the powerful captain.

Kira's voice became very, very small. "Ikkaku, he had never said he loved me. He didn't. And now he has, and I don't know what to do to erase that. I won't erase it. I don't want to. I never knew how much I wanted it until I had it, and now I'm stuck hearing it for the rest of my life..."

Ikkaku suddenly realized he had no clue what to do, and that he had never been this terrified in all his life for Kira's sanity. Tenderly wiping Kira's cheeks dry of tears, Ikkaku felt his heart aching as the blond became emotionally undone. Kira had always been the stoic one. Even his short flirtation with drinking was to keep Matsumoto company in the wake of Gin's betrayal, never for himself.

How much pain had Kira shut inside himself until now?

Now Ikkaku understood Kira's desire to keep the scars Gin had left him. There had been nothing else that spoke of their relationship that the silver-haired bastard left to Kira besides the memories. And now he had something that Kira had yearned for with all his being for so many years, ikkaku knew that Kira understood it to be a complete lie.

Hatred bubbled in Ikkaku anew for the dead traitor. He hugged Kira, trying to convey through his own body his compassion and pity for the younger shinigami. He wanted nothing more than to make love to Kira, show him that he was loved and cherished by people other than the deceased asshole, but simple as Ikkaku was he knew that it would be one of the most stupid and irresponsible thing to do now with Kira at his current frame of mind.

Slowly rocking Kira in his embrace, Ikkaku kept his mouth shut, his ears open, and listened to Kira crying himself to unconsciousness.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"I don't fucking care what you have to do, you find someone who has the ability to alter memories right the hell now." Ikkaku folded his arms. "Hell fuck it, it shoulda been done the day before yesterday."

"Ikkaku, I had no idea the trauma went so deep," Ukitake said, trying to placate the angry captain who stormed into the main office at oh-dark-o'clock, demanding a mind wipe for Kira Izuru. "He seemed perfectly rational and in control."

Ikkaku snorted. "In control my big, fat arse. He was... Jyuushio, if you had seen him..." The captain covered his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut for a second. "I thought I was gonna see him lose his mind right in front of me. And if I had been out, if I hadn't..." He broke off, unable to articulate his fear.

Ukitake bowed his head, knowing that it had been a close thing that Kira had survived. He was now in Unohana's psychiatric ward, under the close supervision of Hanataro. Kira had been drugged into unconsciousness so that his battered psyche could rest, though Hanataro's initial report had not been too positive.

The captain-general leaned his forehead on his clasped hands, wondering why he was suddenly facing a barrage of emotionally vulnerable leaders. Was it because the effects of Aizen and Ichimaru's betrayal and subsequent deaths were finally sinking in? Or because there was peace of a sort now, and people could finally look inward to their hearts?

Whatever the reason, he was determined not to lose Kira Izuru. The blond had been stalwart in his duty and loyal as only the best soldier could be, and the Gotei owed him.

"Have you spoken to his captain?" he asked abruptly.

"Byakuya? No. I sent Kira to the hospital once I was sure he would not wake with any movement. Then I came here." Ikkaku flopped into the nearest chair. "Should I have?"

"I'll do it myself," said Ukitake reassuringly. "Ikkaku, thank you for watching over him."

Ikkaku shook his head. "If I had then this woulda been found out a long time ago."

"It's not your fault. Kira is just too good a shinigami." Ukitake sighed again and rose from his chair. "No one could have seen it coming."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

On hearing the knock on his office door Byakuya stirred from his trance. He had not slept for yet another night, and he knew his health was beginning to suffer. Yet he did not dare to shut his eyes.

It was not the fact that he would see Hisana if he slept and dreamed. Far from it. Dreaming of Hisana was something he could handle; he had dealt with that particular grief for years.

It was the sight of Renji, weeping, childlike, trying to regain what had already been lost long ago, realizing how deep the pain went and how easy to reopen the grief.

It was the sight of Hisagi's concern and betrayal upon realizing what Renji had faced in the belly of the beast, and yet his unwavering loyalty and love for the redhead.

It was the sight of Kira Izuru coldly slicing apart pod after pod after pod, dragging out the skeletal things, leaving them to perish or survive, the complete lack of emotion and the inhuman drive to complete the mission.

The knocking repeated, louder and more insistent, but still polite.

"Come in," said Byakuya. His voice cracked slightly and he swallowed.

"I apologize for interrupting your workday," said Ukitake, though there was little apology in his stance. Glancing around him the white-haired captain-general noted that the lieutenant seat in the office was unmanned and that there were no papers on that desk, whereas Byakuya's own table was piled high, if neatly, with official documents. "I came to speak with you about Kira Izuru."

Byakuya put away his stationery. "He came to see me yesterday. I already know of the suspension."

"But you don't know about his admission into the psychiatric ward," Ukitake stated quietly.

The Kuchiki noble blinked stupidly at his superior. "What?"

"Kira Izuru had not slept ever since he got back from Las Noches," continued Ukitake. "He suffered a nervous breakdown last evening at Madarame's place, and Madarame took him to the hospital as soon as he could."

"But he never said-"

"What did he talk to you about? Exactly?" asked the older male.

Byakuya rubbed his mouth, an uncharacteristically honest gesture. "He told me what you had said to him and Hisagi. Then he asked me how my sleep was."

"And how did you respond?"

"I told him that I had no problems with my sleep. Then I ordered him to leave."

Ukitake sighed. He walked up to the younger captain and patted his shoulder. "Byakuya," he said softly, "even an old man like me can see that you haven't slept a wink. Do you really think you are made of steel or diamond? Rest, please."

Faced with the compassionate Ukitake, Byakuya hung his head in shame. He was reminded strongly of the kind and caring manner with which Ukitake had always treated him, like the older man was a father or an uncle.

Ukitake did not remark on Byakuya's lack of reaction, but said, "Unohana will watch over Kira. And you had better report to her as well – take sleeping medication if you need to. I will not have my captains falling because they can't take care of themselves."

"But my division-"

"-has long learned what standards you expect of them and what will happen if they should fail to comply." The shinigami captain-general was stern. "This is an order, Kuchiki-taichou. Go to the hospital and consult Unohana-taichou. If I'm not satisfied with your state of health – and believe me, I know quite a bit about how to diagnose someone – I will put you under Isshin's care."


	18. Chapter 18

Kira did not look up until the visitor made her presence known. The blond raised his head and then smiled politely. "Unohana-taichou."

"Kira-fukutaichou. May I sit down?"

"It's your hospital."

"This is your private space." The captain remained standing. "Or it is as long as you remain in our care."

Kira looked down at his thin hands. Then he sighed and said, "Please sit."

There was a long moment of silence before Unohana spoke again. "To be honest, I'm not sure where or how to start this session. I had never expected to be seeing you here, of all people."

"Neither did I," answered the lieutenant honestly and met Unohana's motherly gaze. He made a rueful expression and breathed out slowly again. "Thank you for your concern, Unohana-taichou. I'm sorry to have caused worry to you and to Ikkaku. May I be discharged?"

"If my answer had been yes I would have released you already." Unohana reached over and touched Kira's hand gently. "Kira-san, will you talk to me?"

Out of respect to the captain, Kira considered the question for some time. Then he shook his head. "I'm sorry. I don't think I can be completely honest with you."

"I understand your reticence," Unohana assured. "Is there any one that you would feel more comfortable with?"

The blond shinigami stared out the window. The skies were gray and dull, and there were ragged, wispy clouds. Kira pondered the possibilities, and then shook his head again. "They will judge. I cannot tell someone who will prejudge me. I can't."

"What about Hisagi-taichou? You are close-"

"-he already knows what I've been through. He cannot, he will not comprehend my reasons for everything I did, for all I have done and endured. He doesn't get it." Kira could feel frustrated tears building deep within and ruthlessly forced them down. "He's tried. He can't. And before you ask, Ikkaku can't either. His anger – his anger clouds any empathy he might've had for me. And he's not the type to... He won't bottle the way I do. He drinks, he tries to forget. I try to remember. I'm trying to remember."

Unohana sighed again. This was harder than she had anticipated. For someone as self-aware as Kira Izuru, trying to help him overcome whatever that had pushed him over the edge would be equivalent to pulling a tusk from an enraged bull elephant.

"I would like to speak with Urahara Kisuke," Kira said suddenly. His eyes glittered.

"He has antagonistic feelings towards Aizen and Ichimaru," Unohana reminded quietly.

"I know. But he also feels more than that." Kira bowed to the captain humbly. "Please ask him to come."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kuchiki Byakuya was intrigued and somewhat irritated. "He asked for Urahara?"

"Yes." Unohana had filled in the requisite paperwork and was waiting for the former exile's response. "Don't ask me why. Kira-fukutaichou clearly knows what he's holding onto – emotionally – and he also knows what he wants in the conversation. He is not going to talk to me, so as long as he is willing to talk to someone I will accede to his request."

"Urahara is a-" Byakuya cut himself off and restrained his temper. Then he cleared his throat genteelly. "May I see him?"

Unohana regarded the younger shinigami with an even gaze and then narrowed her eyes fractionally. Finally she nodded. "I think you might find a chilly welcome, but it would be good for him to see people other than his caregivers. Go ahead, Kuchiki-taichou. But, for his sake, do not try to analyze him."

Byakuya frowned, but then the woman turned away. The Kuchiki lord strode briskly down the walkway, and the lower ranked shinigami scurried out of his way. The pale cream walls and the faint smell of medicine got on his nerves; he wondered how Kira was taking the enforced hospital stay.

The door was, surprisingly, unlocked, and Byakuya wondered why Kira did not just leave. Then he shook his head. Where would Kira go that his friends could not find him, that the Gotei would not track him?

Where could he go, really?

"Good afternoon, Kuchiki-san," Kira said once the door opened.

Byakuya nodded in response. "Good afternoon." He looked around the room and noted the clean, uncluttered room. It was much less of a hospital ward than he had expected. However, beyond a few volumes of _Shinigami Weekly_, there was no other form of entertainment.

"Are you able to sleep, Kuchiki-san?" Kira asked suddenly.

Byakuya took a seat and folded his arms. "No. I've not slept since we got back either."

"And why is that?"

"I fear what I will see." Byakuya raised his chin slightly.

Kira tilted his head, leaning it on his fist. "What do you fear to see, Kuchiki-san?"

"Why am I the one being analyzed?" asked Byakuya, eyebrows raised in challenge.

To his credit, the lieutenant did not back down. Kira's lip curled. "Are you afraid to admit to having weaknesses, Kuchiki-san?"

That momentarily robbed Byakuya of words. When he found his voice again, it was as close to a snarl as a noble could get without being rude. "And why weren't you able to sleep, Kira-san?"

"I fear I wouldn't want to wake up." Kira closed his eyes. "I fear that I will willingly drift from sleep to death. I fear that deceiving surfeit of bliss." The strikingly mournful eyes opened slowly. "I fear choosing the lie despite knowing the truth."

"And what is that truth?"

"And what do you fear?"

The two men stared at each other, both inscrutable, and then the captain rose from his seat. He inclined his head and said, just slightly too courteously, "I hope you recover soon."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

To no one's surprise, Urahara did come, accompanied by Kurosaki Ichigo. Although Kira's friends had all visited, the blond had kept mum on why he wanted to speak with Urahara.

Ichigo, denying his father once more the pleasure of his presence, had asked to stay at Byakuya's place. The noble had agreed, though Urahara had rolled his eyes when Byakuya reminded them to be more restrained and less exuberant.

"You do know I'm here to help your lieutenant, right? Be nice to me," Urahara mock-complained.

"You also should know that there are at least sixty people living in this compound at any time, not including the security staff," Byakuya retorted.

Ichigo sighed and shook his head. If not for the fact that Isshin would grill him and Urahara about their sex life, Ichigo would have considered staying with his father instead. "Guys, i just want a nice weekend. Kisuke, go see Kira."

"And you?"

"I'll stay here, maybe take a leisurely walk around the compound with Byakuya." Ichigo touched hands with his older lover and smirked mischievously. "I'll behave."

Urahara smiled and pecked Ichigo on the cheek. "You'd better." He turned and headed for the main door, though a considerate servant appeared to guide him in the right direction.

Byakuya waited until Ichigo's attention returned to him. "I still wish you'd keep those more... intimate moments between the two of you when I'm not around to see."

"You need exposure to PDA." The young human was nonchalant, falling into the same pace as Byakuya without conscious effort. They headed for the back garden, near the koi pond. After Yachiru's demise, the fish returned to its original population size. Byakuya had started the habit of dropping a honeyed snack into the pond once a month, and felt sometimes that there were too many fish in that large water feature.

"PDA?" he asked.

"Public displays of affection," explained Ichigo. He scratched at his cheek. "So what's up with Kira? Jyuushiro wasn't all that specific in the phone call."

Byakuya breathed out evenly and then shook his head. "I don't know. He's being deliberately obscure."

"Really? I thought you can analyze almost anyone," Ichigo remarked. Then he stretched and linked his fingers behind his head. "He's quite similar to you then, isn't he?"

"Hmm?"

"Haven't you realized, Byakuya?" asked the young man. Ichigo smiled ruefully and joined his hands behind himself. "That's part of your upbringing, right? To keep calm and composed, to divorce yourself from emotions."

Byakuya felt uneasy. "I suppose. It's unseemly to wear your heart on your sleeve."

Ichigo knew from Byakuya's body language that he was feeling vulnerable and exposed. He was more perceptive now after moving in with Urahara, and he was looking at his former boyfriend with new eyes. Byakuya was fidgeting in his skin, because there was someone he could not figure out, and that was irking Kuchiki Byakuya to the bone.

Still young at heart, Ichigo decided to tease Byakuya a little. "Byakuya, do you like Kira?"

"He is an exemplary shinigami – or he was, until this recent incident. I hope he will return to form."

"I meant like him in the sense of wanting to be intimate with him," Ichigo clarified, nudging his hip with the captain's.

Byakuya sniffed aristocratically. "Unlike what most people believe, not all captains want to get into their lieutenants' hakama. I have nothing but professional regard for Kira Izuru."

"So why does his reticence bother you?"

"It does not-" Byakuya restrained his temper. Glaring at his ex-lover, Byakuya added, "What are you trying to get me to say?"

Ichigo placed his arm over the captain's shoulders companionably. "That you care for him as a person, Byakushi," he said, using Yachiru's nickname for him. They had come to the garden and were headed for the low table set up at the porch. Tea – Chinese oolong, not ocha – and some light snacks were laid out artistically.

Ichigo took the guest seat with grace. "When he was working for Dad, I visited them a couple times. He always seemed so closed up and careful, like he's always being assessed."

"He's definitely cracked his shell," Byakuya responded, pouring out the tea. With Ichigo, he spoke his mind because the boy had earned both his respect and affection, and with such people Byakuya saw no need to mask himself. Another person Byakuya would include in that category would be Renji, of course, but his former lieutenant was still recuperating in the care of Hisagi Shuuhei. They were helping each other, if what he heard was true, and they were still affected by what had occurred in Hueco Mundo, but they had each other to lean on.

The redheaded human was observing Byakuya's silence. The older male had a tendency to slip into contemplation without warning, and back when Ichigo was still an impetuous and insecure young teenager, he would try to elicit responses from Byakuya. It usually ended either in red-hot passion or in an arctic chill. Now he knew better and allowed Byakuya his privacy of his mind. Eventually, through his actions, Byakuya would demonstrate what his conclusions were.

The pond was beautiful despite the chill in the air. After some time, Ichigo thought it was safe to speak and interrupt the captain's thoughts.

"Byakuya," said Ichigo quietly, "won't you consider finding another lover?"

"It is time to do so," agreed Byakuya, then sighed. "Yet there is no one I deem suitable."

Ichigo held his tongue. Time would tell.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"I did wonder why you asked for me at first," admitted Urahara. "But after a while I figured it out."

"Care to enlighten me?" asked Kira. The bland tone did not mask the faint wisp of hope in his voice.

Urahara smiled tiredly. "You feel that I've forgiven them, don't you?"

"Haven''t you?"

"I did. I did the day Aizen asked for my help." The older male rubbed the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes. "And I thought there would have been a chance for me to regain the hougyoku if I assisted, so please do not think of me as an altruist."

"You're an opportunist?"

"Right you are."

Kira chuckled humorlessly. "And here I thought I've made the right decision."

"Perhaps you have," said Urahara. His face straightened and all signs of amiable self-deprecation faded. He leaned on his right hand and asked, "Why _did_ you ask for me, Kira?"

The blond lieutenant slowly raised his eyes. "Because you loved Aizen, in your fashion. I thought maybe, if I could speak with someone who loved one of them, I'd understand myself better."

Urahara shrugged. "It's a fair assumption. I did love him, but that was a long time ago. He kicked me out of his life very much before Ichimaru or you ever came into the picture."

"Gin never told me he loved me. He never loved me," Kira said, as if Urahara hadn't spoken. "But in Las Noches, I heard the words in his voice, and now I want to believe the lie despite knowing it's a lie. It doesn't make sense, and it hurts. Yet I want to hold on to that memory of him telling me that he loves me. Pretend that it did happen. That he did love me. And that would be an insult to his memory-" Kira broke off, knowing that he was rambling, and wondered what point he was driving at.

Urahara was looking at him in a puzzled manner.

Kira tried again. "What I meant was that-"

"-I know what you meant," Urahara cut him off. He then frowned. "However, what makes you think that Gin never loved you?"

"Because he loved Aizen." Kira thought the answer was obvious. Gin loved Aizen so much he abandoned everything in Soul Society for a chance, and he even followed Aizen to the second he died. If that was not love, what was?

"And that precludes him from loving you?" The former exile was very amused. "He might not have loved you as much as he did Aizen Sousuke, but I'm quite sure he did keep a part of his heart for you."

"I don't understand..."

"I have a copy of everything he left to you, Kira. I've read the notes, listened to his messages... He thought a lot about you, his impact on you, his regrets about his relationship with you... He cared, a lot, and to me that says love." Urahara's smile was soft and kind. He reached across and touched Kira's fingers. "It might not have been the kind of love story passed down through generations, but it was honest. He wanted what was best for you despite his influence, and look at you. He did help you get here."

Kira's mind suddenly blanked. It wasn't making sense. "But he never-"

"But he showed you, didn't he? Has he ever hurt you?" Urahara suddenly furrowed his brows. "Wait. I remember something Ikkau said, about him cutting you, scarring you. Is that true?"

The best way to demonstrate something was with evidence, Kira thought, and stood up abruptly. He pulled his arms out of the sleeves of his robe and turned around.

Urahara inhaled sharply, and then there was a rich, textured silence.

Kira was suddenly nervous. What was the former captain thinking about?

"Did he do all these?"

"Yes."

Now the censure would come; Kira braced himself mentally. Ikkaku had been all kinds of furious upon seeing these marks; Hisagi had been more than ready to rip Gin apart.

What Kira had not expected was a finger tenderly trailing the lines of the scarred, sensitive tissue.

"Kira," said Urahara very, very quietly, as if in a holy place, "did you ask for these?"

Kira squeezed his eyes shut, feeling the tears prickle at the edges. He knew it had been right to ask Urahara to come. The man understood, far better than the others. His own voice was low when he answered, "Yes. I did. Whenever I had done something that he approved of, I would ask him to mark me."

"It figured," said Urahara. He pulled Kira's robe back over the thin, white shoulders. "They had been expertly done, and with great care to ensure your safety. Shallow enough not to cause injury, and yet deep enough to leave a scar when healed."

"You don't find it disgusting?" For some reason Kira had difficulty accepting that Urahara was unaffected by his mementos.

"It was your choice, wasn't it? I'm not a fan of edge play – too risky – but it seemed as if he did know how to push you without hurting you. And if it was consensual..." Urahara exhaled slowly. "I don't advocate such practices, but you were a grown man. You knew the risks and dangers."

"Gin taught me."

"And he also taught you a lot of other things, didn't he?" The shopkeeper's smile was gentle and accepting, and when he ruffled Kira's head he added, "He left you more than scars, didn't he?"

Kira did not find Urahara's touch repulsive or demeaning. "Those are what I have of the nights we spent."

"And his memoirs? His journals that were left to you were left for a purpose, Kira. He trusted you with his most honest thoughts and sincerest opinions." Urahara ruffled Kira's blond hair again. "Ichimaru did love you, in his way. He didn't recognize it, but the fact that the last few months of his life revolved around you shows pretty damn clear to me that you meant more than a bedmate to him. So let that illusion be a happy conclusion, that it was Gin telling you what he did not have a chance to tell you before."

"But that was a lie-"

"-so what?" Urahara shook his head and sighed. "Take what little happiness he's offered you, Kira. And then move on and forge a new life. Keeping that memory in your heart won't make him any less of a mentor and lover to you."

Kira fell silent. He swallowed thickly, then stood and bowed with great respect to Urahara. "Thank you."

The former exiled captain grinned irrepressibly. "Any time, Kira Izuru. Any time."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Of course it was not as easy as admitting all your worries to someone and then getting over the pain and trauma. It was still tough to sleep and Kira tried his best to cooperate with Unohana-taichou, trusting her impeccable professionalism to watch for his progress.

Even so, Kira sickened of the psychiatric ward.

It was on Kuchiki-taichou's second visit – eighteen days after the first – that Kira could honestly confess his worries to his captain. Byakuya had taken it all in with a stoic expression, and when Kira admitted to being sick of the hospital he was surprised by an offer.

Byakuya called in Unohana's right-hand man, Yamada Hanataro. "I have many guest rooms in my estate," said Byakuya at his most imperious. "I will house Kira-fukutaichou. Process the documents immediately."

"But-but Kuchiki-taichou-"

"He will have gainful exercise while in my family's care," continued the captain, ignoring Yamada's stammered protests. "I wish to have one of my gardens remodeled, and Kira-fukutaichou is admirably suited to that task, given his propensity for plants and aesthetic balance."

"But sir-"

"Process the forms now."

At that tone, even a vasto lorde would have backed away. Yamada scurried out of the ward, a pale shadow, and Kira was then ordered to pack up and get ready. He was bemused but thankful to be allowed out of the constant care. He knew then that Byakuya, despite appearances to the contrary, was quite similar to Gin after all – it was better to read their actions than their words.

What the blond would never know was how much effort it took Ichigo to put the notion in Byakuya's noble and thick skull.


	19. Chapter 19

"In spring, all the gardens will be brand new," said Kodaka, the head gardener. "Kira-fukutaichou has a flair for landscaping. A pity his hands are more often found clutching a pen or a sword; he has a gift with plants."

"I would not consider that a pity at all." Byakuya's rebuke was mild but Kodaka was suitably chastised, bowing deeply in apology. Byakuya frowned. "And the sakura tree?"

"It remains where it is, Kuchiki-sama. Kira-fukutaichou said that it must not be moved, and has in fact ordered the other shrubbery around it removed, to be replaced with the black rocks from-"

Byakuya waved Kodaka into silence. "It is enough for me to know that the sakura has not been shifted. I trust you and Kira-fukutaichou to renew the gardens."

"Certainly, Kuchiki-sama."

The beds were raw with turned earth and the lanes tracked over with mud; unsightly heaps of burlap and potting soil mingled freely with leafless saplings. The gardeners were rushing the transplanting of various trees after the leaf fall and before the winter freeze set in. It was a full scale attack on the Kuchiki landscape and Byakuya wondered if he had been wise in giving Kira full rein in redesigning his gardens. The initial idea was to only redo one; after the blond lieutenant had met with Kodaka there had been a huge discussion and they decided to ask for permission to change everything. Byakuya had allowed it.

At least Kira knew what not to change.

With a curt nod he dismissed Kodaka and the head gardener returned to his work. Byakuya could see why Kodaka would lament Kira's dedication to his job, if Kira really had such talent in gardening. The duties of a lieutenant and a soldier were vastly different from tending to life delicate plants and maintaining order in an unordered world.

_The sword and the pen... _Byakuya smiled faintly. It had been some time since he wrote, and it was unbecoming for the head of the Seireitei Calligraphic Society to forgo practice. And he ought to look for Kira after that for at least a short round of sparring practice, and maybe they could enjoy the hot baths afterward. It would not do to have his lieutenant in his own home and not foster a stronger bond between them.

And yet that was the case.

True, Kira was always sharing mealtimes with Byakuya, and now that Kira was suspended from active duty, Byakuya found himself having to bring work home and Kira would offer to look the paperwork over, and they often played chess together. However a distance remained between them – not insurmountable, Byakuya believed, but annoyingly difficult to bridge.

Renji had advised him to let it be. The redheaded captain had been a frequent visitor along with his spouse, and Hisagi Shuuhei would hunt out Kira, leaving Renji with Byakuya. Renji was less solemn now, regaining a bit of the spark and flair he used to flaunt before Rukia's passing. He was also taking to sharing confidences with his former captain, particularly about the problems in his married life and asking for advice, to which Byakuya could only offer common sense and platitudes. Hisana had been a totally different personality from Hisagi, and she had been the one forgiving Byakuya his mistakes.

"Izuru isn't someone who likes to open his life to others, Byakuya," said Renji, finally dropping the 'nii-sama' for a less servile option. "He's spent practically his whole life being very private, so it won't be easy getting him to share his secrets. But he's easy to make friends with. Just don't be surprised if he gets to know a lot more about you than you do him."

"How do you figure that?" asked Byakuya.

Renji shrugged. "You're an easy man to know after the initial spikiness," he explained. "Duty, honor, responsibility... a model captain, one might say, with a heaping amount of pride thrown in for good measure."

"You're bold in your words now," Byakuya commented.

"I don't think you intend to try to kill me again, so I figure, why not?"

"Don't count the possibility out though."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Shuuhei lugged the empty bags to the side where the others are piled up. Thankful he had opted out of his captain's coat, Shuuhei then spent the next few minutes allowing his body to cool down from the exertions.

"So how has it been?" asked the dark-haired man. "You've been here for almost three weeks."

"It's been fine, Shuuhei," Kira answered. He indicated to the workers where to place the new fir sapling. "We're getting along."

"In the sense of getting along while in the same estate or getting along while sharing the same room?"

"Does it matter?" Kira tilted his head and regarded the placement of the shrubs. Then he passed the foreman the layout and gestured for Shuuhei to follow him back to his rooms. "I'm engaged in productive labor, I'm not dwelling on the past, and I've filled out from good food."

"All good things, but you haven't answered my question."

Kira paused. Then he sighed. "Fine. I've been avoiding him outside of mealtimes and when he comes back from the office I help out only when I can't think of a way to brush him off. He's been trying..."

"And you've been ignoring." Shuuhei shook his head in admonition. "Izuru, you do know how hard it is for Kuchiki Byakuya to take the initiative to know someone better, right?"

"It's... odd," Kira defended himself. "I don't need to be friends with him to work with him."

"When you are one of the friendliest men I know-"

"-I'm not friendly-"

"-yes you are, don't argue, you are friendly if reserved and you turn down a man whose social skills are almost on par with the late Kurotsuchi Mayuri, you better have a good explanation." Shuuhei threw an arm over Kira's shoulders. His voice was gentle and concerned. "What exactly bothers you about his overtures, Izuru?"

The blond shinigami sighed and scratched at his brow. "It feels like he's trying to woo me or something."

"Is that bad?"

"Yes, it is." Kira's tone was firm and unhappy. "I want to learn how to live with myself first, Shuu. I will work for him and with him, but I will not go beyond a working partnership. At least, not for some time..." Kira found his words trailing off. It was a fascinating thought, he suddenly found, to be the target of a courtship by the prideful and indomitable Kuchiki Byakuya. Unless he had misread the signs...

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Renji set down his cup. "Are you courting him?"

"What? No!" Byakuya nearly sputtered and he grimaced at the lapse in decorum. "Renji, I have no interest in Kira!"

"Good. That's good," said the younger male. "He's had enough authority figures wooing him for his affections already."

Byakuya mentally ticked off who Kira Izuru had dated before and saw Renji's point. Hisagi Shuuhei had been Kira's sempai; Ichimaru Gin, his captain; Madarame Ikkaku, another captain. Had Kira ever dated an equal?

He must have spoken his words aloud because Renji responded, "He's never even considered a peer, Byakuya. He's always looking for someone he can put on a pedestal."

"You're one to talk," said Byakuya with a sidelong glance. "You've chased after me for how long?"

"I had a reason." Of course the reason was Rukia; Renji wanted to be worthy of Rukia.

Byakuya smiled faintly and touched fingertips with Renji. The redhead understood the noble's intention and smiled back. The scar on Renji's face was fading in color, standing in stark contrast to his healthily tanned skin, and that was the everyday reminder of their mutual loss.

"Are you staying for dinner?" asked Byakuya after a momentary pause.

"Yeah," said Renji. "We're also thinking of taking a vacation next weekend, with all the captains and lieutenants. Urahara, Ichigo and his sisters are gonna come along too."

"What's the occasion?"

"It's the beginning of winter, which will be a long and dreary three-month spell of paperwork and patrols. I just thought we ought to have some fun before we begin the dull stretch." Renji stretched and tossed his luxuriant mane back from his face. "It's been a long time since we had any real fun."

"It has been," agreed Byakuya. After some rumination he suggested going to the hot springs. "The waters at Kusatsu are therapeutic and the place is beautiful at all times of the year."

"Wouldn't we run into the tourist season?" asked Renji.

"Not if the owner requests that the entire onsen ryokan be reserved." Byakuya called for a servant to bring the housekeeper. "And since I am holding the title deeds – or rather, my family holds the title deeds – I think I can help organize it. I prefer going to familiar places."

Renji shook his head in disbelief. "It must be nice to be rich."

"Is it?" The raven-haired noble smiled wryly. "In any case, I will still charge Seireitei. The Gotei has sufficient funds to pay for all of us."

"So it's not a treat?"

"I'm not an altruistic man, Abarai-taichou."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The news of the hot springs outing was welcomed by almost everyone except for Kira. The blond appeared almost wearily resigned to the fact that Seireitei was sponsoring its captains and lieutenants on a visit to one of the most popular and luxurious hot spring destinations of the world.

It bothered Byakuya. It was not that he wanted cheers of gratitude from his lieutenant – far from it, he had way too many thank-you letters from assorted captains and their subordinates – but the reluctance Kira demonstrated was not usual.

"Do you dislike hot springs, Kira?" asked Byakuya one evening over dinner.

Kira's chopsticks hovered over his grilled saba. The shinigami's gaze was suddenly haunted. "I... I have no preference, really. It would be nice to be there, I suppose..."

"You've shown more enthusiasm for carting fertilizer than going on a sponsored outing," said Byakuya lightly, not wanting to sound accusatory.

However, Kira flinched from the remark. He nibbled at the fish and finally muttered, "I wouldn't mind if it was a private bath."

Though Byakuya caught the remark, he pretended not to have heard it. He wondered what prompted Kira to desire solitude again after a lengthy convalescence. True, he had not been locked in a room, forbidden from all contact with others; Kira had made fast friends with Kodaka, and a few shinigami had visited on a regular basis. Madarame, Kurosaki Isshin, and even Matsumoto with Hitsugaya had come by a couple of times in the three weeks Kira stayed in the Kuchiki mansion. Renji and Hisagi were frequent visitors, often staying for meals and delighting the head cook with their refined palates (Byakuya and Kira) and appreciative appetites (Renji and Hisagi). Even Ukitake-soutaichou and Unohana had dropped in twice each, just to check on Kira's progress.

No, the blond was not without friends. Yet he did not want to share a social bath with them. Was it something that had happened before in a bath that made Kira reluctant? Or was there another, less direct reason?

"Thank you for the meal," said Kira and left the table politely.

"You're welcome," said Byakuya absently, not really wanting Kira to drag out the awkward tension between them.

Then Byakuya noticed. Kira had barely eaten half of his share.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

As Kira bathed he could feel the lines of old scars on his back. He treasured every one.

The first time Ikkaku saw them he had refused to make love to Kira, saying that he felt sick. Consequently, each time he and Ikkaku coupled they had either turned out all the lights or did it face to face.

When Shuuhei first saw it after Kira lost a drunken bet with Matsomoto, Shuuhei had freaked out. He called Gin horrible names, punctuated with threats of violence and destruction, and had basically acted like an overprotective older brother.

Unohana had said nothing more, other than a query on whether Kira wanted the scars removed. He had said no.

It wasn't until Urahara saw the scars that Kira finally found someone who understood their significance. Despite urahara's words that Gin scarred him out of love, the blond lieutenant had no such delusion, but the fact that Gin had made every single scar on his body so carefully spoke of tenderness and affection.

However, he knew that most shinigami would misread the markings. It was easier to hide the scars than to endure the pitying looks and half-whispered sneers. He was _proud_ of his scars, but most people would not understand. They would think that Gin was a manipulative, abusive bastard, a monster, and a demon. They wouldn't think of why Kira never spoke up against Gin – they would probably assume that Kira was still lost in the illusion that Gin was a good man.

Gin was not a good man, Kira knew. But he was a man that Kira loved regardless of his faults.

Hence he would go to the hot springs resort, then find a private space for himself, and reminisce about the times he and Gin spent together, blissful and relaxed and _together._

The blond lieutenant smiled as he peered over his shoulder at the pattern of scars on his back. _This_ was the angle; it had taken him almost half a year after Gin left before Kira saw it. From his angle, Kira had known that the silver-haired captain had treasured him, where others only saw a scattering of random cuts.

The kanji for _Gin_ was written on him, etched diagonally across his back. Each stroke was not joined to any other, and only when Kira turned his head just so and twist his torso just so that he could see Gin's possessive claim.

He was Ichimaru Gin's Kira Izuru, forever and ever, or at least until the day he decided to love another.

For now, a memory was enough.


	20. Chapter 20

The captains had just decided on another round of sake and Byakuya had been forced to drink more than his usual, if merely out of courtesy, so he was definitely disgruntled when Urahara came to chat with him.

"How is Kira-san?" asked the blond shopkeeper with a cheerful grin.

Byakuya didn't even bother to look at him. "He is doing well enough."

"Good, good," said Urahara. He stayed next to the captain and laughed at some joke Kyoraku was telling the group, but when Byakuya made to leave, the blond male followed.

"What do you want, Urahara-san?" asked Byakuya, irritated and feeling uncomfortably tipsy. He didn't like drinking; it weakened his control over his emotions and expressions, and he usually found it harder to rein in his temper when he was under the influence of alcohol.

"Naaa, rest easy, Kuchiki-dono," teased Urahara. His expression became more serious. "I haven't seen Kira since we got here to the retreat. I'm concerned about him."

The noble exhaled slowly. "He's perfectly all right," he said stiffly. "If you wish to speak with him, he is at the _Shunran_ suites, with Ichigo's sisters and some other lieutenants." He made as though to leave, but Urahara was fast and darted in front of him.

"And how are you doing as his captain?" Urahara continued, as though he had not just stopped Byakuya from walking away.

The captain narrowed his eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly as it was said. How are you doing, as Kira-san's captain?"

Irked by the man's familiar attitude, Byakuya almost snarled, but Ichigo emerged from the room just in time to intercede.

"Kisuke, they're asking for you inside to start the poker game," said Ichigo, glancing from one man to the other. Once the shopkeeper was out of sight, Ichigo came up to Byakuya and apologized. "Was he bothering you?"

Byakuya sighed. "He was asking about Kira."

"How is he?"

"He's doing fine," said Byakuya. "Why are both of you asking about him?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Comes naturally, I suppose, since he's more or less like an older brother to me now. You're not going to date him, right?"

The noble stared at Ichigo in surprise. "Why do so many people assume I am going to date my lieutenant?" he finally managed to utter.

Ichigo studied his ex-lover for a beat, before he smiled widely. "You look good together, I guess. Some of the guys in there are gonna try to match the two of you together."

Shaking his head in disbelief, Byakuya sighed again and murmured, "How do they have so much free time?"

"Less dedication to completing paperwork." Ichigo was entirely deadpan. He peered over his shoulder at the brightly-lit room inside and grinned. "I'll walk you back to your suite. They aren't gonna be finished any time soon, and I don't like poker."

"I thought you enjoyed card games."

"But strip poker with them?" Ichigo shuddered eloquently. "No, thank you."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira was, at the moment, playing a console game with Iba, Isane and Nemu, while Karin and Yuzu were ranged about the three lieutenants, cheering them on.

"Hit him again!" shouted Karin. "A-A-A-B and YES! You've won!"

Yuzu clapped her hands enthusiastically. "Great job, Izuru-nii!"

"Thanks, Yuzu." Exhausted, Kira passed the controller to Karin. "Can you take over? I can't do this game again."

"It's quite well-designed," remarked Nemu quietly as she examined _Go Go Hirako!_ The vizard's face took up the most part of the cover, and they were already on the third stage of the game. There were five more before their characters reached the main boss, the Winged Tentacle King, but Kira had had enough of the frenetic colors and loud music.

He bade them goodnight, waving aside Yuzu's gentle concern that he was unwell. He felt all right, save for a mild headache that came from being around too many people after too long a period of self-imposed isolation.

The sixth division's suites were at the far end of the holiday estate; he thought that his captain was probably still stuck with the others in the main suites with Ukitake-soutaichou. It would be calm and soothing back in the silence, Kira mused privately, and thought of the hot springs with longing. He hadn't joined the communal baths with the rest of the officers, keeping to his small group of friends who already knew of the scars and wouldn't comment unnecessarily. The baths would be deserted now, he realized, and with a small grin he jogged back to his room to get clean clothes.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"They're worried you'll always be alone, I guess," said Ichigo as they strolled back to the sixth division's suites. "I mean, besides Hisana-san and myself, have you been sleeping with anyone else?"

"That is a very personal question." Byakuya was not offended; Ichigo's bluntness was something he could never exhibit, and so he never tried to put down the young man's frank observations.

Ichigo shrugged again. "It's not like I don't know you well, Byakuya."

The captain tucked his scarf more neatly about his neck. "I have had very discreet affairs now and then. I don't broadcast my relationships to the world, unlike some people walking here with me."

"I don't broadcast..." Ichigo protested weakly, but he was blushing. "Fine. I get your point."

"I'm not sexually repressed, if that's what those old goats were talking about," remarked Byakuya with a small smile. With the young human, it was far easier to lapse into his own youthful brashness. Being the Kuchiki leader was tedious, sometimes, and Byakuya did relish the opportunity to forget decorum now and then. "Besides, if I did want to find a partner, I doubt I would have any lack of willing volunteers."

"Someone's arrogance is showing."

"I am wealthy and powerful and fairly good-looking. I think I'm entitled to arrogance."

"You don't talk like this to your underlings, do you? Because I think they might just die of shock."

"There is a time and a place, my dear," Byakuya commented with another of his brief smiles. "Would you care to join me in the hot springs?"

Ichigo glanced at the watch on his wrist. "Hmm. Why not? It's not like you're going to try any hanky-panky... unless you are, in which case I shall warn you that Kisuke gets very jealous."

Byakuya leveled Ichigo with his trademark glare. "On second thought, go back to your lover and assure him that I haven't ravished you on the way back to my suite. If he so much as marks the walls of his room, I will have the manager send him the bill."

"Don't worry," drawled the redhead. "The only thing he marks is my skin."

The noble threw him another scathing look, which Ichigo laughed off, and then Byakuya headed to the baths. It would be a good end to a long day, and it would relax him before the workshop tomorrow. Ukitake had decided on a dessert-making workshop for the entire group, and Byakuya dreaded the inevitable squeals when he had to put on his apron.

Speaking of which, he had to get those photos from Kira when the lieutenant took them during their holiday in early summer. It had been fun, Byakuya reluctantly admitted to himself, learning a new skill from the younger shinigami. Cooking was not as easy as his chef made it look. Their conversation in the woods had been enriching and entertaining, but ever since the horrors of Las Noches, Kira had withdrawn into a shell again, and Byakuya had been trying his best to forget the bittersweet nightmare of that incident.

He strode into the changing room and stripped, only then aware that there was another set of clothes in one of the cubbyholes. It had to be Kira then. Byakuya pondered for a moment, before he padded inside to rinse himself clean.

When the captain entered the actual enclosure for the hot spring, he saw Kira sitting against the rocks, his wide blue eyes closed in thought. Byakuya coughed so that the blond would know that he was there.

"Taichou," Kira greeted with a warm smile, though his eyes remained lidded. "I wasn't expecting you back this early."

"They were starting to be silly," said Byakuya, immersing himself into the hot waters with a soft exhalation of pleasure. "I escaped before I could be implicated."

Kira cracked open his eyes and peered at his captain. "Should I be worried for Renji and Shuuhei?"

"They probably would survive Kurosaki and Kyoraku," remarked Byakuya, leaning back against the rock. The air was chilly now, but snow had not fallen in this part of the world. "You have just returned?"

"The game was a little too much for me," Kira said.

They sat facing each other in the pool of hot water, the steam rising and curling between them. It was a comfortable silence, Byakuya realized, and he was feeling almost... contented.

Renji, when they went on such retreats in the past, would either try to mask the silence with inane chatter or avoid Byakuya altogether. His other lieutenant had been a woman, and on those occasions Byakuya had had to endure Zaraki's looming presence or Tousen's gloomy introspection.

Truthfully, Byakuya could see why the other captains were thinking of matching him with Kira. They suited each other remarkable, especially since they had similar backgrounds steeped in routines and rituals, and both had loved their chosen partners fiercely, brightly, exclusively.

But that was also the reason why Byakuya couldn't see Kira as a lover. There would always be the shadows of their One True Love that would be cast on an intimate relationship.

Kira's eyelids flickered open. "Penny for your thoughts, Taichou?"

"I was merely mulling over something that Ichigo mentioned," answered Byakuya. He sat up a little and stretched out his arms on the rocks behind him. "Do you know that some of the captains are trying to have us become a couple?"

"Really?" Kira laughed. "They have too much free time on their hands then."

"That's what I said too."

The lieutenant lowered his head and peered at Byakuya. "Don't take this the wrong way, Taichou, but I doubt we can really function in a relationship with each other."

"For one thing," said Byakuya, "I will always doubt your taste in men."

"Secondly, you are a Kuchiki and all the pressure that comes from that name alone is quite a turn-off," Kira added smoothly. He brushed his fringe from his face and said, "However, I'm certain one or two of the captains will try something sneaky to trap us in a compromising situation."

Byakuya raised an eyebrow. "Mm-hmm."

"I have worked for Kurosaki-taichou for some time," Kira added.

"Ah. Yes."

"So I propose that, for the duration of this retreat, we become actual lovers so that they won't have the chance to trap us in suggestive situations which the SWA can photograph and sell for fund-raising purposes."

"Ye- _What?"_

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Unohana was certain she had not had enough tea the next morning when she walked into the meeting room and saw Kira-fukutaichou and Kuchiki-taichou whispering to each other – and they were both _smiling_ _softly,_ as though they were sharing a secret.

Kurosaki Isshin was looking completely bemused, and next to him were his son and 'son-in-law'. Urahara would never agree to call Isshin 'Father', of course. But right now all of them were staring in varying degrees of confusion at the sixth division's head officers.

Ukitake-soutaichou cleared his throat. "Now, we are here for the dessert-making workshop, so I'll now pass the time to, um... who is in charge? Oh, right. Nemu-fukutaichou, Yuzu-chan, if you please?"

It would have been a great workshop, because Yuzu was a world-class baker, but unfortunately everyone's attention kept drifting to Kuchiki Byakuya and Kira Izuru.

They weren't glaringly obvious about it. However, there were many signs. Urahara was the one who noticed Byakuya passing the sugar to Kira and their fingers lingered a little too long (and that shared, knowing gaze); Komamura thought he was hallucinating when Kira wiped a smudge of flour from his captain's cheek; Ukitake's inner matchmaker clapped with glee when he overheard Kira reassuring Byakuya about the state of his cupcakes; Kyoraku caught sight of Byakuya undoing a stubborn knot in Kira's apron. Renji and Shuuhei seemed to be quite uncomfortable with the whole thing but trying not to show it. The women were trying (and failing) to envision them without sparkles around them.

It was all very tender and sweet and heartwarming.

Ichigo was watching the action unfold, and valiantly held back his laughter. He had a good idea what they were up to: after dating a taciturn man like Kuchiki Byakuya, you get to be a great reader of body language and eye contact.

He couldn't wait to see how the rest of the week unfolded. Later in the day, he would certainly visit the two and lay a bet.

Humming as he stirred the icing, Ichigo was sure he'd win some cash. And if they _did_ get together after the retreat, it would be a wonderful outcome too.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

**A/N: Hi all, I'm on a rush to finish as many of my current stories, and this one is drawing to a close. There's probably one more chapter or two to go before it wraps up. Have a great holiday!**


	21. Chapter 21

"Y'know, I never thought it possible of all of us getting together like this," remarked Ichigo in an aside to Byakuya. "Even Urahara seems relaxed."

"He's making a machine out of snow and ice and calling it the Dominator. I'm sure he's very relaxed," Byakuya commented, deadpan.

Ichigo snorted. "I used to keep telling the others that you have a sense of humor, but no one ever believed me."

On Byakuya's left, Kira was busy in conversation with Renji and Unohana, and occasionally the blond would glance over his shoulder at Ichigo and Byakuya's impromptu chocolate fondue session. The other captains were engaged in their own ice sculpting efforts. Ichigo opted out, since he wanted no part in Urahara's snow machine of doom, and Byakuya had been cajoled out of the competition (he knew it was because his sense of the aesthetic was not shared by the heathens known as his colleagues, but they had at least allowed him to be one of the judges).

"But seriously. Are you or are you not dating Kira Izuru?" murmured Ichigo, casting a fond smile at his lover. The towering demolition monster was almost Gundam-esque in elaborateness. "Because I thought Kensei would be a good match for him, but if you _are_ dating him then I shan't bother with the introductions."

"Why would Muguruma Kensei be a good match for him?" asked Byakuya, almost snapping.

"He's good-looking, likes to take care of others, and is sensitive to others' feelings without being smothering about it. Plus, he doesn't sweat the past, you know? And Kira does have a hell of a history he lugs about as baggage." Ichigo dunked a chunk of cheese and munched contentedly.

Byakuya sniffed critically. "Kira is long past that, and he doesn't need to be taken care of."

The redhead glanced askance at his ex. Then a corner of his lips curved and he drawled, "If you say so."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Kira clapped as Byakuya awarded the prize – a trophy made of chocolate – to Komamura's team. It had been fun, just making things with his hands, and he hasn't forgotten how good it can be to unwind.

Komamura's team had included Ikkaku and the captain of the eleventh hadn't seemed that happy in a long time. His huge grin practically split his face in two, and Kira thought he noticed something odd about the clean-shaven man.

"Are his eyes painted in another color?" he muttered under his breath to Shuuhei.

"Whose? Ikkaku?" Shuuhei blinked and shrugged. "I don't see any difference."

Unable to shake that notion, Kira went up to congratulate the winning team with a bottle of sake he swiped from the lunch table (probably Kyoraku's, but he wouldn't mind) and hugged Ikkaku. To Kira's relief, Ikkaku hugged back.

"You look good," said Ikkaku, his smile still broad and his eyes appreciative of the color in Kira's cheeks. "Cold weather does suit you better."

"I prefer to stay warm, thank you," said Kira, handing the alcohol over. "You look different."

Ikkaku scratched self-consciously at the corner of his eye. "Yeah. Added some of his color to my usual."

Indeed, close up Kira could see the oval dab of brilliant red was tinted slightly darker, and Kira was certain it would be a shade of purple that altered Ikkaku's usual.

Ikkaku slung an arm over Kira's shoulders and dragged him on a stroll. "I seen you and your captain being all snuggly. Are you dating him?"

"He's nice," said Kira with a small smile. "There are some issues to work out but we understand each other."

"That's good to hear." Ikkaku studied Kira curiously, as though examining a new person. "But he has issues, doesn't he? Problems with past loves an' all."

"I have issues too, Ikkaku." Kira shrugged once. "We are moving on." He shared a knowing look with his former lover. "We move on."

Ikkaku smiled wistfully. "We'll do that, yeah."

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Much later that night, after Kira had packed up his belongings and was checking over the room to make sure he had left nothing behind, he heard a discreet knock on the door. A quick tendril of inquiring reiatsu told him that it was Byakuya and he rushed to admit his captain.

"Something wrong?" Kira asked. Byakuya never intruded at so late a time.

The captain shook his head. "No. I just thought we should treasure the solitude and rest a little longer before we head back to our duties in Soul Society."

The captain nodded at the porch and Kira obliged, setting out a low table and cushions. He put the electric kettle to boil for tea and waited. The overcast sky dimmed the moonlight and washed out the contours of Byakuya's face.

"We have carried on a charade for the past few days," said the captain very quietly.

"Yes we have," agreed Kira.

"It was not unpleasant, however, being... friendly... with you." There was a beat, before the noble added, "More than friendly, if I were honest. And more than pleasant."

Kira let himself smile a bit. "I enjoyed it too, taichou. It has been too long since I just basked in affection without thinking too much of repercussions."

Somewhere in the distance there was a splash of water and rambunctious laughter floated over the high walls. It sounded like Renji and Kira guessed that he and Shuuhei were probably wallowing in the hot springs for the last night.

"That sounds like Renji," said Byakuya, a gentle smile gracing his face. The smile fell a little as he regarded Kira steadily. "Would Rukia be pleased to know that Renji is happy and content with Hisagi?"

The blond lieutenant studied Byakuya. "Yes," he said finally. "If she knew she couldn't be with him, she would have been very glad that his happiness was not hinging on her alone."

"But she loved him, and he loved her greatly."

"That love has not diminished – Renji's not the type. But he loves Shuuhei just as fervently, if for different reasons." Kira looked up as though his gaze could pierce the clouds hiding the moon. "I'm sure she wouldn't begrudge him his happiness. In fact, I think she'd be pleased that he could grow beyond such devastation into a better person, instead of drowning in self-pity."

There was a long moment of silence. The kettle sounded and Kira hurried to make tea, a simple enough ritual, and served it.

Then, as though coming out of meditation, Byakuya asked, "Would Ichimaru like the way you are now?"

"Would he?" laughed Kira thinly. It was a hollow chuckle, and a note of resignation crept into his voice. "He wouldn't. He liked me helpless. A victim. He wanted to have the upper hand – and I gave it to him then, because I loved him. And if he were here..." Kira's smile turned self-deprecating and mocking. "If he were here, I would gladly surrender all of me again. Gladly."

"But he isn't."

"No, he's not. So I will never give up my independence or strength again to anyone," Kira declared in a firm, quiet voice. He drank his tea and breathed out heavily. "I can damn well bear my own burdens, pardon my language."

Byakuya sighed. "I was right."

"What about?"

"You don't need anyone taking care of you." The noble sipped his tea.

Kira watched the emotions play out in Byakuya's eyes. It was a strange mixture of loneliness and revelation, with perhaps a tint of new hope. Kira ventured timidly, "Could you... could you tell me about your late wife, taichou? What was she like?"

A glance at his lieutenant later, Byakuya said, "She was the gentlest, strongest and finest woman I have ever met in my life. There will never be anyone like her: her temperance, her determination and her resilience. The way she smiles and a room lights up for that. They way she can talk to me knowing what I had to hear, without my needing to explain anything. For a long time after I had Rukia adopted into the family I couldn't look at her, because she was nothing like my Hisana."

"She must have been very lovely."

"She was." Byakuya closed his eyes again. "It would be another anniversary in a few weeks. The day I decided to elope with her. She had tried to dissuade me initially but stopped soon; she ran with me, knowing that her life could be in danger, and never once admitted to her fears. There had been pain in her life – some unfair, some she brought on herself, but she never complained, and only on her deathbed did she ask me for help to right her largest wrong."

Kira never heard this before, but he could guess: "Rukia?"

"Rukia."

"I would have liked to meet Hisana-san," Kira mulled aloud. "She must have been a very remarkable woman."

"Ichimaru Gin considered her a good friend," said Byakuya unexpectedly. His dark eyes were locked on Kira. "At her funeral, both of us were so lost in grief that he attacked me. That was the only assault I never begrudged him for – the pain he inflicted on me was one I desperately needed to break free of the dull, blinding sorrow of my loss."

Kira shifted, slightly uncomfortable in his place. "I never knew..."

"No, you wouldn't." Byakuya passed a folded piece of paper over to Kira. "Your former captain was not just a traitor or just someone who victimized you. I never wanted us to be enemies because of his love for her, and because she thought a great deal of him. I've thought about it, and I wondered if i should have had allowed Ichimaru to read this. He's not here anymore, but I believe you would have liked to know. About her, and about him. Go ahead, you may read that."

The blond opened the note and scanned through the rough handwriting:

_'I have little time left, my love. And of that little time I wish to tell you that I have never once been loved by so many as I have in the time I have had with you. Your heart I shall take a small piece with me, for I love you deeply and selfishly, and to you I give all my heart, save for the small bit I keep aside for Gin-chan. I do not love him with passion but I love him as a friend; he has been nothing but kindness itself to me, and he led you to me as well, and for that I can never repay him. My love, my lord, look beyond his faults, for he has only had so few friends in his life to bring out the light in his character; I do not ask you to be his friend, you two are like the mountain and the sea-shore, too far apart to be more than acquaintances. But do not reject him, because all he has of me is in you, as my heart is given to you._

_My lord, my love, my life, I am blessed beyond all my karma to have been given the chance to love you as I have. I pray that you find another who loves you as you deserve; that person will feel as blessed as I have been.'_

Kira folded the letter and gave it back, sacrosanct and intensely private. He waited, trying to organize his thoughts, before he finally said, "Why are you here tonight, taichou?"

"I have been thinking of her words, and of Ichigo and Renji and Rukia and Shuuhei, and of the charade we have put up. And I have been thinking of you." Byakuya exhaled slowly, languidly, and met Kira's nervous gaze. "I will not hold my heart in stasis any longer. I have grieved sufficiently, and I have regretted enough. It is past time to move on. Therefore, Kira Izuru, I wish to court you."

That came out of nowhere. "Wh-what?"

The Kuchiki lord smiled softly and regarded the lieutenant with warm amusement. "I wish to court you, and you have every right to reject my courtship. But give me, imperfect and incomplete as I am, a chance to woo you, you as you are: strong, independent, determined and similarly flawed."

"I..." Kira's voice trailed off. His face was warm and his fingers tingled. "I-I-I can't quite grasp- we just talked about this the other night about how incompatible we are-"

"-and yet, if you think about it, we fit quite well together," said Byakuya. He rose to his feet. "I leave you to think this over, Kira. There is no haste to give me an answer; let me woo you, and let my actions sway your heart one way or another."

The captain let himself out. Kira sat motionless on the porch, his mind full of possibilities and doubts. The tea grew cold and even the voices of his best friends soon faded to silent serenity.

Kira stared into nothing, mind awhirl with thoughts, but eventually succumbed to sleep, dreaming uneasily of silvery strands of silk and petal-soft skin, and the deadly glimmer of a smile that flashed like a shark in the darkest waters of his consciousness.

When he woke up, Kira smiled to himself. If Byakuya wanted Kira, he would have to learn how to chase, and how to catch.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

_ten years later..._

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"He's funny," Kira pointed out petulantly. "Sometimes."

"Funny."

"And he's good-looking. And rich. Very rich."

"Right."

"And he's very cultured."

Isshin rubbed the bridge of his nose. "So I am supposed to untie you so that you can elope with that boy?"

"It's supposed to be romantic!" Kira yelled. "I had to come up with a story, and you're not helping by disputing everything I say!"

"It's stupid! And this is ME saying that it's stupid, so it's really, _really_ stupid!"

"Kurosaki-taichou, I swear you will regret this day for the rest of your life."

"You're bound physically and with kido. No one can release you right now."

Someone cleared his throat purposefully. "That's my lieutenant you've tied up, Kurosaki Isshin." Byakuya stood at the door, a little worse for wear: Urahara and Ichigo were very powerful opponents who had, thankfully, been laid out by the new Kenpachi and Hitsugaya.

"You're not getting to him, Byaku-bo."

"I don't need to. Izuru?"

"What was the delay? Were you held up by traffic?" Kira asked sarcastically as he freed himself of the bonds. "All right! Team Beta wins! The hostage is rescued!"

Kurosaki Isshin stared. "Wait a sec. You can't free yourself! That's against the rules!"

"It's against the rules unless a teammate is in the room with the hostage too," corrected Kira absently.

"You're not that skilled," Isshin countered.

Kira and Byakuya both leveled him with identical glares. Byakuya narrowed his eyes fractionally. "Don't underestimate my lieutenant's prowess, Kurosaki. He's well-versed in kido and in bondage."

"That wasn't necessary information, taichou," Kira chided.

Byakuya allowed himself a hint of a smirk. "I stand rebuked." His tone shifted into something lighter. "You do look rather attractively rumpled, Kira-fukutaichou."

"You're quite dashingly bruised yourself, Kuchiki-taichou," Kira retorted brightly.

Kurosaki Isshin blew out his cheeks, irritated by the loss and by the intense flirtatious gazes the two were hurling at each other.

"Just get together already, would you? Get married or something," he grumbled. "All the 'courtship' nonsense is getting on my nerves. And stop running through my office!"

"What can I say? I know that place well." Kira laughed aloud, the simple act no longer a surprise as it used to be, and slipped out of the room, purposely brushing past the noble a little too closely to be misconstrued as anything other than a brazen invitation.

Byakuya shook his head, amused, and followed after the blond. Courting him for ten years on had yet to turn stale or boring, and Byakuya wondered if Kira would ever give a direct answer.

Even if the answer never came, Byakuya loved the chase. He had not had this much fun since he was a child, and the rewards... Well. They were better than candy, that was for sure.

Perhaps Byakuya already had Kira's answer.

By the time Byakuya came to the landing of the stairs, Kira was already perched on the railing, and there was a dark gleam in his brilliant blue eyes that told Byakuya that it would be yet another thrilling afternoon of near-misses and wild runs through Seireitei and later into Rukongai, and maybe into yet another secret hideout.

Byakuya smiled.

He could keep chasing forever.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

**A/N: Aaaand that's all for Shadow of Doubt. Ten years can change someone quite a bit, and I wanted the playful side of Kira and Byakuya to emerge more fully, like they are good influences on each other. But whether they ever really get together like Hisagi/Renji or Urahara/Ichigo in my stories is open for debate.**


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